I'm back and need help!

[Lorelei]

Good Evening All,

For all who don't know I was here earlier this year trying to get sober. I actually did it but found that I was masking a whole host of problems underneath the alcohol. Tonight the problems came to a head when the love of my life broke up with me.

I need help trying to figure out why I do the things I do. In addition to this board I will be going to therapy.

I was able to maintain moderation until this Tuesday when I drank like a fish in a poor attempt to control back pain. Earlier that day my honey's car got broken into and we were supposed to meet so I could give him a hug and cheer him up. In the meantime my back pain became unbearable and I thought a glass or two of wine would help (yeah right). So what happened is I got drunk and stood him up (again). That was the last straw for him. There may be a chance of reconciliation down the road but I cannot focus on that right now. I need to focus on getting me mentally and emotionally healthy. I have been crying most of the evening but I've been thinking as well. You all were so supportive in the past that I immediately thought to come back here.

[ducky]

I'm back and need help!

Lorelei,

I remember you from a few months back. I was posting and then stopped too. Sorry you are hurting and hope you feel better tomorrow. The chronic pain is so hard to deal with. I have had some chronic joint pain and found pilates and other exercises helpful. Have you tried any exercise?

Try to relax and bit and let what happens happen. If the worst you did was not show up because of pain then that is not terrible. It sounds like that has been an ongoing problem though and your bf thinks you don't care?

Gotta run but hang in there and see what tomorrow brings. We are glad to have you back.

[Lorelei]

I'm back and need help!

Ducky,

I was exercising and then just stopped, I seem to have found excuses everywhere not to do things that are good for me. That is really the core of my problem I think. I have a huge problem following through. I can talk a good game but then I find reasons to fail most every time. I need to learn to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Jeff's had enough of words and promises.....I need to show him results. Even if we don't get back together (God forbid) I need to do this for myself. I am very frustrated with myself and I can't imagine how fustrating I can be to others. Thanks for your kind words!

-lorelei

[BILLYJACK]

I'm back and need help!

I wish I had a dime for everytime I let someone down for something that I was SUPPOSE to do, but did not do, when I was binge drinking.

Not taking care of the things in life that really matter to us MOST is a by product of our disease,and until we CORRECTLY address our disease FIRST,than we will have very little hope of taking care of the things that really matter most to us in life.

I hope you dont,but,if you happen to lose your BF, concider it an ''eye opener'' and take the time to RE-EVALUATE the things that really matters most to YOU in life.

Good Luck and God Bless!

[Lorelei]

I'm back and need help!

I had been doing quite well with the drinking several months with no problem. I think it was the frustration with the pain that set me off but it really shouldn't have. I am so sad right now I don't ever think I can be happy again. He is such a part of my life, I don't know what I'll do without him. Its very early but I can't sleep, I've been crying now for about 1/2 hour and suprised I have tears left. I feel so alone and wonder how I'm going to make it....

[ducky]

I'm back and need help!

It is amazing how many tears we have, isn't it?

Maybe getting involved again with MWO will help you find some strategies to deal with your issues w/r to not following through. Have you tried any counseling? I have found it helpful a few times in my life although finding the right person is key.

Hope you feel better today. Maybe giving your relationship a bit of a rest while you sort things out could be helpful? I think you need to make sure you are setting the goals and not feeling pressure to do things for another...I hope things work out for the two of you.

:h

[Lorelei]

I'm back and need help!

Ducky,

I have my first counselling session next Wed at 8am. I've never met with this counsellor before so the first session is more of a get to know you and where you are sort of thing. In alot of ways I have made huge progress since I first popped in here in April. I think Jeff never got over the damage that was done back then. Everything around me reminds me of him and how much he affected my life in a positive way. I'd still be drinking if it weren't for him.

Its amazing where I'm hiding tears, they just keep coming.

-Lori