Well I'm not long here and just to set the record straight, I have been trying (in my obvious infinite wisdom, NOT) to moderate. I came here because I felt I was drinking too much, simple. The rest of the bottle of red (apart from my husband's one glass) every second or third night, so I was hungover going into work every second day. Bad.
At weekends I would switch to vodka because I prefer it because it's sweet to be honest. Major problem - i often would not eat in the evenings, at all, and therefore get quite jarred, especially from the vodka. I also, according to my husband, got very 'aggressive', defensive. Now, I don't do that (get aggressive) when I'm out, like Friday night at a wedding for example. I just chat more easily, and dance dance dance. Suppose it's like fuel.
But I used to up to recently get like that at home with him, probably because I was feeling very defensive. Hubby is very into his fitness and takes great care of himself, diet, sleep, training, only enjoys one glass ever with food. He didn't like to see me drinking away on my own, and argued with me about it.
So any time I did drink, I was ready and waiting for the comments/queries about how many I had had, when they came. I think that's why I fought with him. I'm fiercely independent and hate the idea of anyone trying to control me in any way, especially by suggestion, if that makes sense.
Well. I have been moderating, since I joined here. I thought successfully, but I'm feeling very down since this afternoon and cannot shake it.
My husband is fabulous these past few weeks, he is very supportive. We have not argued about drink once. I over-indulged once (4) for no reason (broke the moderating guidelines) and I drank a good bit at the wedding Friday night.
I didn't get drunk and fall over, I danced all night, had a laugh with people I hadn't seen for a couple of months, really enjoyed the occasion. And I didn't feel guilty yesterday morning. Very tired yes. Guilty no. Hungover no, miraculously, I think it must have been the Kudzu I took at 9pm before I joined the wedding party. Could that have helped? I must have had 7 or 8 drinks between 10pm and 4am.
I like many of you whose posts I have read, have not bottomed out yet thank God.
I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband, a lovely dog, cat, and home, and a healthy family apart from my gran who is 91 and quite ill bless her, a wonderful job I love and am in fairly good health myself, apart from intermittent bouts of IBS.
I began to get too fond of the relax/de-stress drink in the evenings though.
I have this feeling that I should be doing the 30 day AF just to cleanse my system of the alcohol altogether. But I'm afraid I'll have a glass of wine some evening, or a vodka and tonic next Friday evening or Saturday evening, and then I'll have failed publicly to commit myslf to the 30 Day AF and feel awful.
I am still reading the book and find it great, I have the Kudzu but have not been able to get L Glut anywhere even though it should be widely available. I have read about 5htp with interest, does anyone know this supp from experience?
I think I am a bit down and out because it's coming into winter and turning dark betw 4 and 5pm. I hate that our winters stretch from now to march/april. Maybe a touch of S.A.D.
Apparently, half of the western+northern hemispheres are suffering from it.
Is it Iceland where it's dark 23 hrs a day? Blimey...
I just want to be a good person. Not be less than I can be.
I don't want to be bitchy, impatient, sarcastic, judgemental; I want to be generous, loving and have integrity. I dunno why I put that in here because I can be those bad things with/without drink on board when I let myself be. Just getting all introspective this evening.
I'm feeling very down and I'm not sure why.
I didn't have anything to drink yesterday, or today. I'm not thinking about drink at all. So I'm miserable, but I have NO excuse.
Or is it that I want to see that I CAN do 30 days, and am afraid that i'll fail, and that then I'll fit the 'alcoholic' label...
Maybe I just need a kick in the pants
Sorry for rambling, thanks for reading
Hope I haven't depressed anyone...
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