Remember me - Changeling

[Changeling]

I want to share this with you - it might help others avoid my downfall.

I havent posted here for a good long time, but hopefully someone might remember me.
I stopped drinking last December with much support from the people here and managed right up until this August without a single drop....
Then...
I started to think about having the odd drink now and again, like all the normal drinkers do...
Decided that when I was on holiday in August I would celebrate by having some wine with dinner. My husband was delighted and encouraged me to do so. By the third day of my holiday I was drinking lunchtime and evening, by the fourth day I could think of nothing all day except when were we going to start drinking again.... what time could I suggest - "lets stop for a cool beer"
All down hill from there I'm afraid. I have been drinking very heavily every day since.
Have gone to bed drunk almost every day since (that's when I managed to make it to bed)

I am so cross with myself, my life, my husband and just about everything. I had acheived so much and now it is all gone. I am right back where I started, in fact probably even worse.

Anyone that has abstained for a long while and is thinking about moderate drinking - BE AWARE - please don't open yourself up to this destruction.

Plan to spend some time catching up on all the news and hopefully finding some stronger people than myself for inspiration.
Love to all
Changeling

[Accountable for Me]

Remember me - Changeling

Welcome back, my Spanish friend! I looked you up on the members list a while back to see when was the last time you logged in. I had noticed you disappeared after a while.

I am glad to see you back; sorry they are under these circumstances.

I totally agree with you .... for us that drink more than often; once we quit and try mods, it can lead to where we left off.

Happy to see you here. :l

[lushy]

Remember me - Changeling

Hi Changeling,

I too was looking for you a while back. Last time I think I heard you had 100 days under your belt. You ARE a strong person, you just tried moderating and now you know it does not work for you. Hope you will stick around......

[lucky 2.0]

Remember me - Changeling

Thanks for the word of caution. Now you know. Just move forward from here.

All the best,
luckster

[Bella]

Remember me - Changeling

Thanks for that Changeling. I too have been avoiding A at all costs but am already planning on moderating in a couple of months. I am very well aware of the fact that I can't moderate at all. So....who am I trying to kid! Me moderate? That is a laugh. You my friend will just have to start again as you know you can do it. You have done so well in the past. Bella xxx

[wonderworld]

Remember me - Changeling

Hi Changeling-
I thank you for your post too. I recently found this site after a "relapse" which ended quite a long period AF . I felt so scared and full of regret. And yes, angry at myself! And like you, the drinking turned toxic immediately. I'm not capable of moderating, and every time I have "experimented" to test that fantasy, the results were the same. So...... back to the drawing board. I'm 6 days in, and feeling like I MAY actually dodge the bullet this time - i.e. sober up before any serious consequences set in. I'm still not "out of the weeds" but I'm hanging in-

Try to look at it as a valuable learning experience - now you know with even more certainty. Don't beat yourself up, just keep going. You'll feel so much better with each day AF you string together.

Looking forward to seeing around you here-

Beth xx

[paula]

Remember me - Changeling

Hi Changeling,
I remember you. Sorry it didn't work out for you, I know how you feel I had 6 months
and blew it, but at least we know the score now, total abstinence. Don't beat yourself
up, just jump back on the waggon and start again, you know you can do it.
Best of luck. Paula. xx

[Guest]

Remember me - Changeling

Hi Changeling and welcome back.

It is not "all gone".........8 mths. without a drink says you`ve done yourself proud. Sure, you messed up by thinking perhaps that your holiday was the time to try to moderate........so, you failed and found yourself back in the hole from which you`d earlier escaped.

The most important thing is that you`ve learned a hard lesson and have returned to the site to make a commitment to the AF way of life again.

And yes, you are right to warn us all.........I think only the minority of those of us who are currently AF, will ever be able to moderate in the future. I have no intention of attempting to moderate ever again, as I know it would result in just what you have experienced. When we consider which is harder........to live AF or to be drunk 7 nights a week, I really appreciate that a life without alcohol is far, far easier than muddling through life steeped in drink.I gave up drink for 10 yrs, only to end up back on the sauce.

Thanks for posting as a warning to us all.

Wishing you lots of love and renewed strength for getting back in the swing of abstinence.

Starlight Impress x

[Finding My Self]

Remember me - Changeling

Changeling - welcome back. I too, am sorry it is under these circs. but better than not at all! It's going to be OK - check in to the Inn or ODAT thread and get your 'sea-legs' back...

Look to the future and thanks from me too for the reminder of how it can still all go pear-shaped... I am glad to have lost the 'fear' of alcohol but never want to lose my 'respect' for it... (Respect?!?! well, you know what I mean!)

Love and a welcome back hug
FMF xx

[MDBiker]

Remember me - Changeling

Changeling, That?s how I learned I cannot drink alcohol. Ever. That same person I was is just lurking below the surface waiting for me to wake it up. I am really sorry you had such a bad experience, but you are not back at square one. You will never have to travel that trail again now that you know where it leads. I learned and so have you. Hold your head up, dig in and you can bounce back without the curiosity you had about moderating.

Welcome Back

God Bless
bear

[Changeling]

Remember me - Changeling

New Day

Many many thanks for all your words or encouragement.
I am at that point where I am sure many others have been where I really have to accept that drinking is not for me, not today, tomorrow, on Holiday, EVER.
I will start counting those AF days again from today.
So much wiser about whats lies on the other side of having that one drink, for me, it always leads to many more.
So good to see so many names I recall here and doing so well.
Forgotten what a good place this is to be.
Many thanks again.
Changeling Day1

[Determinatrix]

Remember me - Changeling

Changeling,
Hearing your story scares the hell out of me. Determinator (my husband) has just over 100 days and has started to mod. He has tried this before, but I feel I have to let him learn his own lessons. Maybe he can do this...who am I to keep him from possible success? I know I have to be positive and encouraging, but sometimes I wonder why it is worth risking so much. I know that he has to find his own path.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you are back under these circumstances, but you obviously have lots to share with the rest of us. I look forward to your next post. Congrats on starting day 1.
Dx

[Waves 2]

Remember me - Changeling

Hi Changeling,
Sorry that happened. But nice to see you back and with renewed vigour.

[bory450]

Remember me - Changeling

DearChangeling,

I'm new to the site, but not to the problem. Went to AA for years, stopped going,
and 2 years ago went the one drink at a meal route. Now I can feel the old pull
again.......alcohol is certainly a wonder drug. Above all, I don't think you should
feel ashamed.........maybe sorry, but not ashamed. Bob

[Newyear]

Remember me - Changeling

Hi Changeling-
welcome back- thanks for posting that. Seems it can happen so fast. You can get back to feeling good again though. You did great and you can again.
Glad to see you -
Lisa