:new:
Lessee, where do I start? I *always* liked alcohol, from the very first time.
One memorable experience ... In my late teens, I knocked back a shot of Wild Turkey at a New Year's party. My uncle commented that some people like to sip their shots and enjoy their buck-seventy-five. I laughed and said I drink for the effect, I don't lie to myself.
But somewhere along the way, I did start lying to myself. I gave up the hard stuff after several blackout experiences, a good 25 years ago, and stuck to beer, brew, suds. Then I quit smoking (1990) and my alcohol intake increased. Take away one crutch, lean harder on the other.
A year or three ago, I realized I HAD to cut down on alcohol, and started working at it, steps forward followed by steps backwards.
I tried wine, which I enjoy, but the night sweats were unreal.
I still binge with some frequency, and by that I mean 8 bottles and more (I detest canned brew) which is down from career highs of 15 plus in an evening on a regular basis. I quit drinking outside our home years ago. Too many embarassing moments. But that does put a damper on visits -- when the inner clock says NOW, it's time to leave ...
I have been actively working at cutting back, again often two steps forward and one backwards, two forward and three backwards, an ongoing thing. I talk to myself all the time, more recently in a positive frame of mind. Instead of calling myself an idiot, a worthless fool, a hopeless case, etc., I tell myself today's another start, I congratulate myself for whatever baby steps I made, I look at the long range and say, I sure am better than I was. Whatever it takes to avoid creating an excuse for more drinking. (It took repeated efforts to cut the negative self-talk.)
I also went to the doctor two months ago and went on a happy pill. I'm menopausal, winding down the same way I wound up, and the virulent emotions that were cute at 14 and 15 are not cute at all at 50. I had tried with no success to get all the anger and rage under control. It's put me on tenterhooks at my job.
I had sworn up and down I would NEVER be so weak as to need a psychoactive medication; it was just a matter of setting my mind to it and pulling myself up by my bootstraps. Menopause brought me to my knees; the reality of needing my job took me to the doc.
The whole med thing was an archaic mentality I grew up with. I want to say it was stupid of me to hold on to it for so long, but in keeping with positive thinking, it's more like that kind of thinking was okay in its place, but it's not always applicable. It's like the difference between stubbornness and perseverence. They're both cut from the same mold, but one cuts too deep.
The doctor had previously issued the edict that I stop drinking, as my elevated liver enzymes were indicating damage to my liver. I told him I'd work at it.
The med I'm on shouldn't be mixed with alcohol, but still downing those brews I was, happier and more content than I've been in a long time. Feeling more like ME than the screeching witch I'd been as of late.
Well, last week I felt an unfamiliar pain at the lower ribcage, and it scared the bejeepers outta me. I made it through the weekend with only one brew, but broke down in front of Monday Night Football and sloshed 6 down. Tuesday morning was hideous, and getting through work Tues nite was surreal.
I haven't felt well since, but I just had a flu shot (because of my asthma ... I was smoking 2-1/2 packs on a good day when I quit) so maybe I'm having a reaction to it this time.
I found this site while searching for liver enzymes, wondering exactly what they indicated (wondering if I could find my most recent test results ... ) and started reading. Decided to join, more for the ability to yammer. As for trying the site's plan, I'm on so many meds at the moment, I wouldn't want to take any more, not even supplements or herbals.
But it sounds like I'm traveling the same road that many folks here are, so I thought maybe I could yammer a while. It is nice to be able to talk out loud about this.
I've gotten to where I am now through constant efforts and refining of same. And LOTS of backsliding.
I suspect I'm one of those people who will have to learn how to abstain. I don't necessarily like that, but I think it's in my nature to go hog wild, so the only true way will be to not take the first drink.
In the meantime, I'm working at cutting down, with some success.
Why should I think I can awaken one morning and *poof* everything will be different? I've been a witch; it's not magical
silverbeatnik
Lessee, where do I start? I *always* liked alcohol, from the very first time.
One memorable experience ... In my late teens, I knocked back a shot of Wild Turkey at a New Year's party. My uncle commented that some people like to sip their shots and enjoy their buck-seventy-five. I laughed and said I drink for the effect, I don't lie to myself.
But somewhere along the way, I did start lying to myself. I gave up the hard stuff after several blackout experiences, a good 25 years ago, and stuck to beer, brew, suds. Then I quit smoking (1990) and my alcohol intake increased. Take away one crutch, lean harder on the other.
A year or three ago, I realized I HAD to cut down on alcohol, and started working at it, steps forward followed by steps backwards.
I tried wine, which I enjoy, but the night sweats were unreal.
I still binge with some frequency, and by that I mean 8 bottles and more (I detest canned brew) which is down from career highs of 15 plus in an evening on a regular basis. I quit drinking outside our home years ago. Too many embarassing moments. But that does put a damper on visits -- when the inner clock says NOW, it's time to leave ...
I have been actively working at cutting back, again often two steps forward and one backwards, two forward and three backwards, an ongoing thing. I talk to myself all the time, more recently in a positive frame of mind. Instead of calling myself an idiot, a worthless fool, a hopeless case, etc., I tell myself today's another start, I congratulate myself for whatever baby steps I made, I look at the long range and say, I sure am better than I was. Whatever it takes to avoid creating an excuse for more drinking. (It took repeated efforts to cut the negative self-talk.)
I also went to the doctor two months ago and went on a happy pill. I'm menopausal, winding down the same way I wound up, and the virulent emotions that were cute at 14 and 15 are not cute at all at 50. I had tried with no success to get all the anger and rage under control. It's put me on tenterhooks at my job.
I had sworn up and down I would NEVER be so weak as to need a psychoactive medication; it was just a matter of setting my mind to it and pulling myself up by my bootstraps. Menopause brought me to my knees; the reality of needing my job took me to the doc.
The whole med thing was an archaic mentality I grew up with. I want to say it was stupid of me to hold on to it for so long, but in keeping with positive thinking, it's more like that kind of thinking was okay in its place, but it's not always applicable. It's like the difference between stubbornness and perseverence. They're both cut from the same mold, but one cuts too deep.
The doctor had previously issued the edict that I stop drinking, as my elevated liver enzymes were indicating damage to my liver. I told him I'd work at it.
The med I'm on shouldn't be mixed with alcohol, but still downing those brews I was, happier and more content than I've been in a long time. Feeling more like ME than the screeching witch I'd been as of late.
Well, last week I felt an unfamiliar pain at the lower ribcage, and it scared the bejeepers outta me. I made it through the weekend with only one brew, but broke down in front of Monday Night Football and sloshed 6 down. Tuesday morning was hideous, and getting through work Tues nite was surreal.
I haven't felt well since, but I just had a flu shot (because of my asthma ... I was smoking 2-1/2 packs on a good day when I quit) so maybe I'm having a reaction to it this time.
I found this site while searching for liver enzymes, wondering exactly what they indicated (wondering if I could find my most recent test results ... ) and started reading. Decided to join, more for the ability to yammer. As for trying the site's plan, I'm on so many meds at the moment, I wouldn't want to take any more, not even supplements or herbals.
But it sounds like I'm traveling the same road that many folks here are, so I thought maybe I could yammer a while. It is nice to be able to talk out loud about this.
I've gotten to where I am now through constant efforts and refining of same. And LOTS of backsliding.
I suspect I'm one of those people who will have to learn how to abstain. I don't necessarily like that, but I think it's in my nature to go hog wild, so the only true way will be to not take the first drink.
In the meantime, I'm working at cutting down, with some success.
Why should I think I can awaken one morning and *poof* everything will be different? I've been a witch; it's not magical
silverbeatnik
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