OK here goes.....
I am 29. Have always had problems with addiction. Started out on meth at age 15. Complete drugattic until I was 24. In and out of jail, looking at a prison sentence. Worst of all I lost my son for six months. He was 2. I went to strict rehab for 18 months (judges orders) and have not touched a 'drug' since. I got my boy back in my second month of rehab and we have a great relationship. He doesn't even remember...thank God. Started drinking after about 2 years. Only to stop when I was pregnant or breast feeding. I have since been married with two more children (all boys). I have a great job. My house is inviting and clean, always smells good. My kids clothes are clean and they have most everything they want. I cook elaborate dinners every night and spend lots of time with my family. We always do movie nights on Friday and fun stuff on the weekends.
Unfortunately, I'm always drinking. During the week I drink beer, (betwenn 6-8 a night) when friday comes around it's vodka and beer. Saturday and sunday I start in the morning more often than not. I try to get all my driving and errands done first thing. We do a lot of barbeques and partys at our house. Mondays are HELL. I can tell my drinking is getting worse because I'm starting to slack. So I go into these phases. I drink less and try to redeem myself by getting more stuff done, doing more stuff with the kids, cooking better recipes. Only to get comfortable again and down more beer than I should. I know when I'm doing it that I shouldn't be, but I do it anyway. I get feelings of guilt and shame on regular basis. I'll wake up and think that I am a horrible person, it won't go away till the next day...or until I drink again. My body is starting to hurt. After so many years of heavy drug use I should be taking care of myself. But I continue to put poison in my body and I'm starting to feel it. I'm only 29.
So I come up with these plans to detox and take care of myself. I'm gonna take detox tea and vitamins and eat really well. I will exercise and get good sleep. It never happens, I can never last more 2 days.
I didn't drink last night and I'm not planning on drinking tonight...(we'll see). I seem to get in a bad mood when coming off which makes it harder. I'm trying to keep my grumpiness in check. I'm taking Campral and Effexor, started yesterday. Will start to see a therapist late this week.
I'm not saying I don't ever want to drink again, just on special occasions maybe. It shouldn't have to happen every day. It's sad but it's hard for me invision live without it. After work it's just time. Time to go about my daily duties, but always with an open beer not far away. On the weekends it's a given, period. I don't want it to be like that.
Also, I feel like sh*t. sweats last night and bad dreams. Im so tired and grumpy. Not very hungry but my stomachs growling. Headache. You know the ussual.
Anyway sorry for the rant.
Marisa
I am 29. Have always had problems with addiction. Started out on meth at age 15. Complete drugattic until I was 24. In and out of jail, looking at a prison sentence. Worst of all I lost my son for six months. He was 2. I went to strict rehab for 18 months (judges orders) and have not touched a 'drug' since. I got my boy back in my second month of rehab and we have a great relationship. He doesn't even remember...thank God. Started drinking after about 2 years. Only to stop when I was pregnant or breast feeding. I have since been married with two more children (all boys). I have a great job. My house is inviting and clean, always smells good. My kids clothes are clean and they have most everything they want. I cook elaborate dinners every night and spend lots of time with my family. We always do movie nights on Friday and fun stuff on the weekends.
Unfortunately, I'm always drinking. During the week I drink beer, (betwenn 6-8 a night) when friday comes around it's vodka and beer. Saturday and sunday I start in the morning more often than not. I try to get all my driving and errands done first thing. We do a lot of barbeques and partys at our house. Mondays are HELL. I can tell my drinking is getting worse because I'm starting to slack. So I go into these phases. I drink less and try to redeem myself by getting more stuff done, doing more stuff with the kids, cooking better recipes. Only to get comfortable again and down more beer than I should. I know when I'm doing it that I shouldn't be, but I do it anyway. I get feelings of guilt and shame on regular basis. I'll wake up and think that I am a horrible person, it won't go away till the next day...or until I drink again. My body is starting to hurt. After so many years of heavy drug use I should be taking care of myself. But I continue to put poison in my body and I'm starting to feel it. I'm only 29.
So I come up with these plans to detox and take care of myself. I'm gonna take detox tea and vitamins and eat really well. I will exercise and get good sleep. It never happens, I can never last more 2 days.
I didn't drink last night and I'm not planning on drinking tonight...(we'll see). I seem to get in a bad mood when coming off which makes it harder. I'm trying to keep my grumpiness in check. I'm taking Campral and Effexor, started yesterday. Will start to see a therapist late this week.
I'm not saying I don't ever want to drink again, just on special occasions maybe. It shouldn't have to happen every day. It's sad but it's hard for me invision live without it. After work it's just time. Time to go about my daily duties, but always with an open beer not far away. On the weekends it's a given, period. I don't want it to be like that.
Also, I feel like sh*t. sweats last night and bad dreams. Im so tired and grumpy. Not very hungry but my stomachs growling. Headache. You know the ussual.
Anyway sorry for the rant.
Marisa
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