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    2nd day...new here

    OK here goes.....

    I am 29. Have always had problems with addiction. Started out on meth at age 15. Complete drugattic until I was 24. In and out of jail, looking at a prison sentence. Worst of all I lost my son for six months. He was 2. I went to strict rehab for 18 months (judges orders) and have not touched a 'drug' since. I got my boy back in my second month of rehab and we have a great relationship. He doesn't even remember...thank God. Started drinking after about 2 years. Only to stop when I was pregnant or breast feeding. I have since been married with two more children (all boys). I have a great job. My house is inviting and clean, always smells good. My kids clothes are clean and they have most everything they want. I cook elaborate dinners every night and spend lots of time with my family. We always do movie nights on Friday and fun stuff on the weekends.

    Unfortunately, I'm always drinking. During the week I drink beer, (betwenn 6-8 a night) when friday comes around it's vodka and beer. Saturday and sunday I start in the morning more often than not. I try to get all my driving and errands done first thing. We do a lot of barbeques and partys at our house. Mondays are HELL. I can tell my drinking is getting worse because I'm starting to slack. So I go into these phases. I drink less and try to redeem myself by getting more stuff done, doing more stuff with the kids, cooking better recipes. Only to get comfortable again and down more beer than I should. I know when I'm doing it that I shouldn't be, but I do it anyway. I get feelings of guilt and shame on regular basis. I'll wake up and think that I am a horrible person, it won't go away till the next day...or until I drink again. My body is starting to hurt. After so many years of heavy drug use I should be taking care of myself. But I continue to put poison in my body and I'm starting to feel it. I'm only 29.

    So I come up with these plans to detox and take care of myself. I'm gonna take detox tea and vitamins and eat really well. I will exercise and get good sleep. It never happens, I can never last more 2 days.

    I didn't drink last night and I'm not planning on drinking tonight...(we'll see). I seem to get in a bad mood when coming off which makes it harder. I'm trying to keep my grumpiness in check. I'm taking Campral and Effexor, started yesterday. Will start to see a therapist late this week.

    I'm not saying I don't ever want to drink again, just on special occasions maybe. It shouldn't have to happen every day. It's sad but it's hard for me invision live without it. After work it's just time. Time to go about my daily duties, but always with an open beer not far away. On the weekends it's a given, period. I don't want it to be like that.

    Also, I feel like sh*t. sweats last night and bad dreams. Im so tired and grumpy. Not very hungry but my stomachs growling. Headache. You know the ussual.

    Anyway sorry for the rant.



    Marisa

    #2
    2nd day...new here

    reply to 2nd day...new here

    Marisa,
    Hang in there ...I am new as well...1 day down, hoping tonight will make 2. I needed a response of support today and I recieved 2 ... paying it back to you b/c I could have written parts of your story as well...the " I know I should stop", ... then don't ...then beat yourself up thinking you are life's scourge, etc.... remember everyday is a gift, celebrate in your children, hold your head high....love yourself.

    Comment


      #3
      2nd day...new here

      Welcome Discover and SportsGal!

      I'm somewhat new here - a month. I think this is a good program and you will find lots of support here. The cd's and supplements help.

      You said its hard to invision life without drinking - but after feel what it is like without it the decision to not drink gets easier! Hang in there and hope tonight you make it to two nights! (both of you!).

      Comment


        #4
        2nd day...new here

        night 2 AF

        DiscoverMarisa & Scopio,

        I made it night 2 AF and am happy about that. It wasn't too hard and I am looking forward to changing that number to 3. I know the weekend will be the hardest part but I am not going to worry about that today. I hope you are doing well today Marisa and Scorpio, thanks for the encouragement!

        Comment


          #5
          2nd day...new here

          Hi discover - and hi again sportsgal (I replied to your other thread!)

          I couldn't envision life without alcohol either when I arrived - but I have now been Alcohol free (AF) for 119 days.

          This place WILL help you stop drinking if you really want to.

          I had a history of over 20 years hard drinking - and thought I could never quit - but - here I am.

          Life without alcohol is actually GREAT.
          I do all the things I used to do and MORE.
          Sportsgal - my sports are ALL benefitting from not drinking - hell even my rock climbing is better coz I lost 14 pounds since I quit the damn beers every night.
          I am fitter than ever - and still do ALL the stuff i used to do before - with the only difference being that there is not alcohol in my glass.

          Bands sound just as good sober, meals taste just as good sober, I still go to the bar after a gym session and have a laugh with my mates - only I drink non alcoholic drinks.

          The benefits are immense!

          No more guilt, no more hangovers, I can drive any time, perform better at work, no more lying about how much I was drinking etc etc etc ....the list just goes on and on.

          So - DON'T worry - life without alcohol is actually MORE fun than life with it.
          Trust me - I know - I'm doing it!

          Hope to see you both around

          Love

          Satori
          xxx
          "Though there are many paths at the foot of the mountain - all those who reach the top see the same moon - as any fule kno"

          Comment


            #6
            2nd day...new here

            Thank you guys for the replies, they are helping me out immensly.

            I really appreciate it. I'm on my third day now and was feeling broken, this site has helped me decide to do it for another day.

            Comment


              #7
              2nd day...new here

              Hang in there - you can do 3 !!

              :happy:

              Comment


                #8
                2nd day...new here

                Marisa,

                Hang in there girlfriend! I know you're tired because I've been there. I had terrible fluctuations in my body temperature trying to sleep those first two nights and awful dreams where I thought I might be losing my mind. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep posting here. Take gentle care!
                Pepper
                Pepper

                Comment


                  #9
                  2nd day...new here

                  I couldn't agree with Satori more. . . his experience is identical to mine being sober. And, honestly, I LOVED my beer, absolutely loved my beer buzz for 20 years. I literally loved beer more than I loved anything. . . embarrasing to admit, but true.

                  I am 148 days sober today. It is so worth it to be aware and alive and awake and appreciative. Life is so much better without the ball and chain of alcohol.

                  You can do it! If I can, anyone can.
                  Admitting you're an a-hole is the first step

                  Comment


                    #10
                    2nd day...new here

                    Yes I love my beer buzz immensly. Just the after effects that I hate.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      2nd day...new here

                      ditto on the beer..

                      Comment

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