Am I crazy???

[LindseysMom]

Well, that's a silly question to ask...I already know the answer to that one! All kidding aside, my life is the most miserable it has ever been and I am "not coping" with it by drinking more than 1/2 a fifth of vodka every single day. I will start over by telling y'all that my husband and I just separated over 2 months ago. Although it was my choice, I still miss him horribly as he was my best friend, soulmate, provided me with a very nice lifestyle (and this is important b/c I am bipolar and it is hard for me--on all my medications--to become motivated enough to do everything I need for myself and our daughter). I always drank...and on the heavy side....but things have gotten TOTALLY out of control the past few months. I don't want to live, I feel like I can't live. I don't want to be without my husband (even though he just moved out this weekend...the creschendo). I know I'm probably making no sense here....and I haven't even been drinking today. I decided I HAVE to stop the drinking. I am saying crazy things to people in emails (G-d only knows what I'm saying in real life) that is getting me in terrible trouble. What kind of mother can I possibly be being? I don't know what to do with my life any more. How can I quit drinking and live through this separation at the same time? Yet how can I afford not to? I honestly want to die. I want a plane to just fall on my head. My heart just hurts so much.

[katarina]

Am I crazy???

Hang in their Lindseymom. You are not alone. I am just starting this journey today and I am also a mother of 2 little girls ages 4 and 5. I have also drank heavily for many years. We can do this. Maybe we could be buddies?

[LindseysMom]

Am I crazy???

If I can figure this site out :-)

That sounds like a great idea Katrina....As of Dec 4, no more drinking (and even harder...no more feeling sorry for myself). Thanks!

[trixietrack]

Am I crazy???

welcome lindseysmom sorry about your separation it can't be easy. I have just broken off a relationship and it's been really difficult, but laying off the wine has helped me stay strong and able to not self destruct.
there are a lot of very insightful people here. It's great to express ones feelings and insecurities without being judged.
Please stay around and feel free to vent, cry, complain, laugh or just plain read with us


Trix

[katarina]

Am I crazy???

I know I am still trying to figure this site out too. I like what you said "no more drinking (and even harder...no more feeling sorry for myself). I need to do this too and convince myself that having a drink is not a reward.

[Cinders]

Am I crazy???

Lindsey's Mom,

I am a bit concerned because you mentioned the bipolar issue like it was major. Are you taking your meds? Are you doing okay?

Is this post simply about the reaction to the divorce? Do not misunderstand me. I understand that you may need to divorce this man. You can be married to someone you love but should not be married to. I truly can understand that.

If it is just panic you are feeling, that is okay.

Just because you are bipolar does not mean it is alright to be an alcoholic. It is never good to be an alcoholic.

However, I am just a little concerned because of your post.

Let us know you are okay. You are, after all, Lindsey's mom, and we need to know that things are okay for both of you.

Otherwise, :welcome: , we will help. Lots of bipolar people here that can help you out and lots of just plain old alkies that are going through the same struggles.

Also, lots of moms!! and we ALL love our kids.

Let us know how we can help.

Cindi

[Beaches]

Am I crazy???

Welcome Lindseysmom. It's alright to feel scared that's what brought most of us here. I wish you the very best and please keep talking.

[Accountable for Me]

Am I crazy???

You are NOT crazy! I just separated from my husband a little over a month ago.... it was my decision too. I am also bipolar. I left everything behind except my cherished belongings, including my child.

Life gets better. Maybe you need to see your doctor and have your medication revised? Also, drinking on bipolar meds will make you feel 'crazy'.

My suggestion is to see your doctor and let him know what has been going on in your life. Including the drinking on your meds part. My doctor prescribed me Epival which is a mood stabilizer that is geared towards alcoholism. HONESTLY, I have NO desire to drink on these and I haven't felt so 'even-keeled' ever in my life.

Another thing is really to take it one day at a time. And ending of a relationship is so hard and when you are dealing with issues such as drinking, etc... sometimes we need a little more support outside the home. Do you have friends or family you can talk to? I find it really helps me in a time like this.

Thinking of you........

[John35]

Am I crazy???

Hey lindseysmom, it has been two months since my separation from my girlfriend. I felt like dying as well. The woman I wanted to marry walked out of my life because I'm an alcoholic. Well, I can only tell you that it gets better. I have been alcohol free for 60 days today. I know the only reason I'm sober is because I finally lost something irreplaceable, the thought of losing someone else is enough to deter me from drinking. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Ripple]

Am I crazy???

Well, after awhile you won't worry so much about the MAN! I feel for you and understand the pain your experiencing. You are not crazy, but crazy in love with the guy. LOVE---YOU first, its hard I know, I am living it. When the drinking stops things change. :welcome:


:h Ripple

[MyOwnWoman]

Am I crazy???

All that you are going through will be easier to cope with if you do not drink. Moments may be extremely difficult when you want to escape into a bottle, but overall it will all just get worse if you drink.

Be strong, reach out, and take care of yourself.