Here's my story

[lucky 2.0]

Here's my story

MOW- I am sorry I did not see this post for 2 days. I want to respond because I want you to know that I heard you. We heard you. I am so glad you are a vital part of the MWO community. I wish you peace. You deserve it. xoxoxo

[Beaches]

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My heart goes out to you. I am speechless and so admire you for posting that story. You are a very strong woman and not many would have been able to come out of your childhood and turn things around for yourself and daughter like you have.
I am just a such a loss right now, I so feel for you and can see you as that little girl holding and protecting your brother and the awful days and nights that were endured. The best I can do right now is send you a hug, I wish I could see you in person to do it.

[Eastender]

Here's my story

My Own Woman
I know I can't take away your pain and sorrow....but I wish more than anything that I could.

Eastx

[happydog]

Here's my story

I am crying now to know that you have gone through so much pain. must of took lots of courage to write your story. (my dad to was a very violent man with or without drink)
My heart goes out to you....

wishing you lots of happiness!
With love.x
Teardrop.x

[maggiemoo]

Here's my story

My story is much like yours but I'm not ready to share yet. My only salvation is that my mother was an angel and I have a wonderful relationship with by brothers and sisters. My heart is with you. May you continue to be strong or atleast try to be strong.

[MyOwnWoman]

Here's my story

Hi friends.
I've been reading your posts here daily, and just read them all over again. It's been hard for me to try to respond, because for one thing I"m so humbled and moved that you all not only read all that, but that you too were moved and you offer so much compassion, love and friendship. I mean really - you've stirred something in my soul. Maybe even some breaking through of the walls is beginning....

Also, in telling this story, I notice a slight yet important change in my mothering. Like more love is now available for me to give my daughter. Hard to explain... but wow.

Ever since I was a teenager and I realized that I love to write, I have wanted to write a memoir. Not just to tell a sad story. But to effect change somewhere, somehow. To make all the pain of the people in my family, and my brother's death, to have not been in vain. I always figured if I could chronicle not just the atrocities but also how I coped (or not) as I grew, how all of it has affected me and my continuing road to recover ... if I could figure out how I could explain it all, that maybe I could help other people to have hope.
I have my share of problems, obviously. But I do recognize that considering the circumstances, I could have turned out much worse.
Does that make sense? (I'm rambling.)

Anyway - I jsut don't know how to express how I feel for all of you (at least without sounding like a total cheeseball.)

Love and peace to you.
xoxoxox

[fickle]

Here's my story

Hello MWO,

I just read your story.. did not read the replies yet, just wish to know you better.

My story has some uncanny 'sameness' here and there.. particularly we are the same age and I also find myself incredibly inhibited in attempting to make friends.. or a new life. The mistrust & fear is just huge.

Is extremely difficult and impossible to begin to explain to anyone who is without trauma in their lives. Impossible to get to know someone new when they ask you about your past and you are just sitting there like..... hmmm.. what do i say now?

At times i feel like singing from the rooftops about how lucky I feel to be alive, to have survived, to have my beautiful healthy children... and all the other things I should/would feel gratitude for if not for being in a such a depressed state at times. (I guess there are up days and down days).

At other times I doubt I have the capacity to bring my kids up properly or whether I can manage my own life at all.. being unable to trust anyone any more.. and unable to initiate a new friendship or relationship without the fear that the other person is a monster lying in wait for me to pounce at the very moment I manage to trust them.

I recently read a wonderful book by Mandy Sayer, "Velocity" - a wonderful memoir which helped me to see how well we survive.. however.. Nothing for me addresses how I am supposed to get on NOW! How to STEP OVER the old stuff and begin again... or get on with my life!!

Having had a number of disastrous relationships, now 3 wonderful children .. BUT I am strugglilng every day to understand what I have done wrong, what motivates other people, what is my place in the scheme of things? What is wrong with me that these things continued to happen!..even after my childhood.. how long does it take?? How to PARENT when I can't manage to understand these extremely basic fundamentals!!!

Thank you so much for sharing,
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
Much Love

[Victory]

Here's my story

Ditto Fickle

Fickle your post: ?unable to initiate a new friendship or relationship without the fear that the other person is a monster lying in wait for me to pounce at the very moment I manage to trust them?.

Ditto, have major trust issues and find it hard to let down the barriers, which by the way is quite common for those who have had traumatic childhoods. Had tons of expensive therapy but all to no avail. Would love all those patterns to melt away and just be free to live, love, laugh and be AF forever.

[Roz]

Here's my story

MOW,
Your story touched my heart. I would be honored to be your friend.
Love,
Roz

[deeforyou7]

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What does it feel like to be clean for month and on

all positives side effcts please. This in motivational info. Thanks:goodjob:

[MyOwnWoman]

Here's my story

Dee - are you asking to hear of the good things in being AF? There have been several threads over time in "general discussion" and "starting out" that list many. Poke around, you'll find plenty to inspire and motivate you.
And welcome, by the way.

[magic]

Here's my story

My Dear TREE,

I am awed at your growth this past year. You have dug deep into your soul and pulled out an incredible woman...mother, friend and sister. You have come so very far.

Perhaps when the time is right you will make contact with your siblings.

You are a fantastic author as well! Your story is tragic, heartbreaking and must have been so hard to tell but it was written so beautifully....thank you. :l Thank you for sharing.

I could literally feel those little hearts breaking as the four little hands continued to wash the dishes through their tears.

Please continue to write, it is your way out! You can help so many.

One of your many, many friends here, (coffee's on)

magic xx

[jane jane]

Here's my story

MOW, just PM'd you and promised I'd read your story, which I just did (belatedly.) Sorry I didn't do so sooner.

That's pretty awful stuff, girl, and when I say "I cannot even imagine," it's the literal truth. For a little girl to endure such horrors---oh, my Christ. You seem to have found something redemptive to heal you, probably your own brain and sense. The very fact that you can write it out plainly on paper (well, screen) puts you far ahead of those with no good grip on language, who "feel" but can't explain clearly...well, from one writer to another: you know how cleansed you feel after expressing it in words. It's cathartic to tell about it, in the harshest terms. I hope it's helped you.

Lame comfort from me, whose biggest childhood trauma was witnessing my black-and-white Cocker spaniel "Happy" get hit by a cherry-red Chevy. And even THAT tragedy was blessedly soft-pedaled---Happy died instantly from head trauma, but there was no blood. So what I'm struggling to say is---my stories can't begin to stand up to yours in the Oh My God Department. But that doesn't mean I can't hurt for you, and wish with all my heart it could have been different for you.

You could write books that would make Pat Conroy's look like Beatrix Potter's! Your advantage over people like me is that you really have something to say. God bless you.

[MyOwnWoman]

Here's my story

Magic and Jane Jane - you've got me crying here first thing in the morning.

the tears come from an unfamiliar feeling of being seen and recognized, of having someone hear my story - really HEAR it, and genuinely care.

Every response on this thread has opened my heart a little more, as your compassion and kindness helps me to heal just a bit.
xoxoxoxo

[Determinatrix]

Here's my story

MyOMy,

Your story is incredible.
I cannot find the words to voice my fury of what you went thru,
nor my awe in your handling of it.

I am glad to have you here, Dx