my story

[WA]

Its now been one week since i posted that first cry for help...day one and it hurts please help...and god did you all help more than you will ever know....
I started drinking 15 years ago at the age of 25...yer thats right im 40....i didnt think I had a problem as I only drank of a night 4-5 voddys with the odd extras when we went out.I was married to a great guy and had a lovely daughter...life was good.
Ten years ago that changed forever...our daughter age 14 and 2 months at the time was taken by a "pervert monster fucking life detroying bastard"I cant even type that word....although police were looking very hard it was to be 5 months till we saw her again....5 long months not knowing just praying...begging ...crying...wanting someone to make this nightmare stop...someone did AL he made me numb he made me sleep he made me eat..and stayed with me till her return.police finally got him and sent him to jail...18 months I couldnt believe it detroy a complete family rip it apart and you get 18 fucking months...we got life..but Al helped me through.
I hope anyone reading has not been through this but if they have they will know that on the return of our daughter the problem were just about to begin...how can a 14 year old go through that and not be messed up ????
She went like a wild child and i needed AL more and more to get me through each day....At 16 she came home with the words no parent want to hear from her 16 years...yer you got it....im pregnant...
At this point is when she really changed her life...stopped going out...cut off from old friends and planned for her baby....did my life changed no AL was too bigger part of my life by now ...he was there when i needed him and he was going to stay!!!!
Got through life day to day...go to work ..come home to Al ...get up with hangover say never again...go to work...come home to AL...................................sundays were different no work so it was just me and AL ...i called it my relaxing day...who was i kidding
Oct 2003 my beautiful grandaughter was born...it was love at first sight....so i went and celebrated with AL
My daughter was a good mother and still lived at home so we were all very close and happy so i thought until my grandaughter was 2 and my daughter decided she wanted to spread her wings....losing my daughter and grandaughter how would i cope AL thats how.
2 weeks later a bigger shock our daughter came to us and said she was moving abroad...and wanted us to raise her daughter as she couldnt cope...ther was no question we love our little princess so so much...what a great reason to kick AL out yes...wrong to bring up my grandaughter i had to give up work....so it was just me my grandaughter and AL...my husband works away a lot
beers during the day and old fav voddy every night..upto a litre, very soon i was having a beer when i woke just to through the day
One monday i woke with the same hangover i have every monday only worst so had a beer to level me out to get grandaughter to school but 1 became 2 then 3 and i was not able to take her to school... no wrries she could stay at home with me
Later in the day i feel asleep on the sofa and when i woke she had gone into the fridge and got herself a beer..aged 4 just
It was then that i deciceded she could no longer live with me as i was unfit so my mind was made up i would phone services in the morning and tell them...got her off to bed and sat and cried till i had no tears left...got up went to kitchen for my friend voddy then BANG after years I poured that bastard down the sink he has took enough of me and i was NOT NOT NOT going to let him take my grandaughter...and so the new jorney began...day one and it hurts..... help
so from me my husband and my beautiful grandaughter thanks to all xxxxxxxxx

[bootcampbarbie]

my story

wow my love that is an amazing story indeed... you know it never ceases to amaze me how such tragedy can turn to such beauty and then tragedy and struggle and then now you are coming into a beautiful transition to healing. god the anguish... so much healing for you. it is as luv would say so hard to heal while drinking. drinking numbs out the healing. it is hard for us to really feel our pain while deadening out all those ceptors... but i know we function because we have to be there for others we go on autopilot. if not we would combust and we are the ones that have to hold it together.... no i understand completely. you have done the best you could with all you could and damn it you have done a fine job. now, it is time to get you on a healing path.. have you picked up also rj's book and such? have you picked up anything else? i'm a fine resource for healing modalities love... a safe solid gentle path for you. and i pray your daughter although she had to go away i hope she knows that well that is her daughter... so today you are on what day af?? and i shall say as i go to bed. i'm sending you lots of bootsie love... that you and your hubbie have managed to keep it together is a miracle. so take it easy easy.. boots

[maxman]

my story

Jacqui,


you have been through a lot, I can sort of relate my brother was missing for a week before he was found. I also have been using al to medicate, but it only makes things worse, you still have your daughter and a beautiful granddaughter, good for you pouring that stuff down the sink. For that you should be proud, that was step one, well done. there is always someone here if you need a big shoulder to cry on, I have plenty of times! and it has helped me a lot. this is a great place

[Suzanna]

my story

Jacqui, you are at that point, where no, AL cannot take anymore, be fed up, don't look back, but look forward, you can get through these first few days. I am so glad you are here and I want you to stay and I want to read of happy grand daughter times. :h Thank you for sharing your story. :l

[bootcampbarbie]

my story

so remember today is a new and beautiful day. you get to have a beautiful AL free day with family. please share what you are going to do today.... with your new AL free life....

[WA]

my story

Hi boots im 7 days AF for me this has to be forever...i know i cant moderate...im an all or nothing kind of girl...anyway pick the little one up from school didnt want to come home so we went to the park...first time i have took her....anyway she couldnt slide down the slide because her shoes keep sticking so i said raise your feet but she didnt understand...up to nanna to show her,first time for me on a slide for 30 years...so anyway i get to the top sit down raise my feet and go 100 miles an hour right off the end...so now my butt is really sore.....but it didnt matter because we laughed like we have never laughed before,im in uk so night time nearly for us well 5.10pm
Thanks for your kind words they mean so much
Love Jacqui x x

[bootcampbarbie]

my story

ah well so proud of you. today it is just beginning. as i'm rushing around to do a few appts, get finished packed and the dogs are off hiking with the dogsitter. then off to conference. i really am admiring how much you are committed. i'm admiring that the universe has put this little angel in your life to give you a greater purpose then alcohol. and that you and i well we get to touch hands to and walk the path together. and i'm thinking how funny it is you slid down that slide. i can just see it in my mind's eye. i laughed very hard. these are the moments the little ones that you will treasure for ever. i sincerely hope you are keeping a journal. and maybe you and the little one can go find that dreamboard thread i wrote about and start one for yourselves together. i think there is one about to be created. feels right. yes go find that thread..... when you have a purpose greater then yourself... it will pull your right out of your ego... sending you love... boots

[Accountable for Me]

my story

jacqui! Good Lord! You should be so darn proud of yourself. What a horrid time you have been through. Like bootsie said, from tragedy comes beauty.

Keep going! You are a remarkable woman, and don't ever forget that! Your story has me sitting here literally in tears. Don't let that nasty Al rob you from anything else in life. Stay strong, sore butt and all!

[Cinders]

my story

Jacqui,

Sitting here crying like a little baby.

Your story has touched me so deeply.

Keep AL out of your life so you can be what you need to be for your little girl.

Wow.

We will all be here to help you when you feel him come knocking at your door. We'll help kick the beast away.

Love,
Cindi

[trixietrack]

my story

jacqui;238526 wrote: Hi boots im 7 days AF for me this has to be forever...i know i cant moderate...im an all or nothing kind of girl...anyway pick the little one up from school didnt want to come home so we went to the park...first time i have took her....anyway she couldnt slide down the slide because her shoes keep sticking so i said raise your feet but she didnt understand...up to nanna to show her,first time for me on a slide for 30 years...so anyway i get to the top sit down raise my feet and go 100 miles an hour right off the end...so now my butt is really sore.....but it didnt matter because we laughed like we have never laughed before,im in uk so night time nearly for us well 5.10pm
Thanks for your kind words they mean so much
Love Jacqui x x

that is a lovely way to end a sad story and begin a beautiful one full of light.
congratulations
Trix

[buckledown]

my story

big hugs to you...your story is a gift to all who read it...:l buckle