Happy New Year. I've been here for 10 days now, reading your posts, and feeling a certain familiarity with your stories. Though this is my first post, I also feel a sense of "bonding" with this group. As I read your posts, I sit here shaking my head in realization that I too have been where most of you have been. Here is my quick overview: I grew up in a close knit family, no drama, but there sure was a lot of drinking going on throughout my childhood and young adult years. It was just "accepted" I would even venture to say almost expected that when you turn 21, you drink. It wasn't my parents doing the drinking, as a matter of fact, my mother has only had a sip or three of beer in her entire 86 years! The thing is, I am the youngest of 7 children, I have five brothers all of whom drank at an early age, two of them thankfully grew out of it in their young adult lives. The third has tapered way down, the fourth is begining to show signs of the effects of drinking, and the fifth we lost to "liver disease" in 2005. Back to pre-2005, being from a large family, gatherings were always a huge party at my parents home and of course a party is not a party unless there is a keg and tequila shotz involved with the added falling down drunks ending in red eyed, hung over bodies strewn all throughout my parents house the next morning. This was the norm for family get togethers. I know it bothered my parents a lot, but by the time I started joining in the "party" all of my siblings lived outside the home and I guess my parents didn't want to say anything that would keep any of them away. Its not their fault, its just their way. Besides, none of us would have listened to them anyway. That is how a drunk is after all. The infamous sayings in our family were "its noon somewhere in the world" or worse "everyone dies of something". Sickly isn't it? ....I started drinking when I turned 21 and watched it grow progressively until December 2007. I managed to get married, have three kids, get divorced, get a degree, get a job, become self sufficient and feeing very much like I "deserved" to drink, after all, I've been through so much including losing my dad and my brother in the same year. Who wouldn't drink right? The drinking picked up in 1999, (with 2005 being the begining of bi-weekly drunken nights and wasted days). I have managed to miss a lot of the growing up years of my children, because I have very few recollections of those times. I think back and remember lots of drinking, waking up and finding empty beer cans around the computer. Once I found a note my then 12 yr old daughter wrote to her dad telling him she was very lucky to have him since her mother drank all the time. Ouch. But that didn't stop me. The worst part is having the kids ask me about an event that we shared when they were little, and I cannot remember it. Big Ouch. This past year, one of my two daughters and my son moved in with their dad. My son left telling me I was drunk all the time anyway.............(that one cut pretty deep)
Its 2008 now and I have been sober 8 days. I feel scared alot of times, driving home from work last week I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, the anxiety I felt was overwhelming, it felt as though I would "blow up" or something. I got home took a shower, a melatonin (natural sleep aid, I work nights and was arriving home to get some sleep) and thankfully fell asleep and got through it. I have to tell you that I read your posts that morning as I do daily now and it is through your shared stories and sincere caring that I find encouragement to move forward or as I like to say "soberly party on..."
That was me, there is a new me now and you are now my new friends, even more than friends, you are my support and gateway to embrace a new me, a new life and I hope that I can return that favor to each and every one of you.
(by the way, DiscoBunnie is a dumb name I know, but I was dubbed that by my famiy once when one of my drunken actions caused me great humiliation and embarassment, it helps me remember why I should NOT drink!) Thanks for listening and caring. I look forward to getting to know you better
Its 2008 now and I have been sober 8 days. I feel scared alot of times, driving home from work last week I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin, the anxiety I felt was overwhelming, it felt as though I would "blow up" or something. I got home took a shower, a melatonin (natural sleep aid, I work nights and was arriving home to get some sleep) and thankfully fell asleep and got through it. I have to tell you that I read your posts that morning as I do daily now and it is through your shared stories and sincere caring that I find encouragement to move forward or as I like to say "soberly party on..."
That was me, there is a new me now and you are now my new friends, even more than friends, you are my support and gateway to embrace a new me, a new life and I hope that I can return that favor to each and every one of you.
(by the way, DiscoBunnie is a dumb name I know, but I was dubbed that by my famiy once when one of my drunken actions caused me great humiliation and embarassment, it helps me remember why I should NOT drink!) Thanks for listening and caring. I look forward to getting to know you better
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