Good gawd … here I am

[tawnyfrog]

Good gawd … here I am

Masquerade - I think your name is an alias for all of us.

I found MWO after I had gradually, and much to my horror, become an obsolescent participant in my life. I used to feel like I was standing outside myself, watching, like a curious spectator at a self-devouring feast ....

It took a while but it got a hell of a lot better. I'm not obsolete. I'm imperative!

Welcome.

[Ripple]

Good gawd … here I am

Masquerade; welcome, It was a pleasure chatting. See ya around the forums, don't fly away anytime too soon. You will get stronger here the support is awesome. :welcome:

Luv Ripple~
Shirl.

[Finding My Self]

Good gawd … here I am

Masquerade - I just want to thank you for your thread...your posts...and everyone's responses....

Just look at the honesty, the trust, the love! You have done that! Thank you.

Everyone who comes here offers something special...and yours yesterday and today has held its own sort of energy....a powerful one...

It IS so good to be able to look at myself in the mirror without shame....usual cr*p about my age, lines and wrinkles but what the heck! Someone might love'em one day and they'll do for me!

A musical once had a strong line running through it, "Let the mirror be your conscience..." and I hadn't looked in one for ages....not even shop windows..and the worry about boozy breath and...and...and... All gone! I put on makeup again now....and see the grey coming in my hair....so what; I can rest easy in my bed now.

The past is past...and the future is there for the taking... I hope yours is wonderful and that you can gradually drop the 'masque' and find the real you...who sounds delightful! I think you're in for a few surprises! All that energy spared from holding up the mask! (There'll be 'stuff' to come out but ride the rapids; we're here to support and run with you.)

And Day 5/6...BRILLIANT! We are all cheering with you! (And sending humble prayers too!)

Really best wishes for Day 6/7! (etc etc!)
FMS xx

[Masquerade]

Good gawd … here I am

Dear Accountable, Tawny, Ripple and FMS -

Thank you for your kind words. This morning was a bit rough but I made it through. Does God grant special dispensation when we skip Mass during withdrawal? I hope so. Couldn't afford a public meltdown.

I've decided to name this alkie bitch - who steals my sanity - ALLIE ... Alcoholic Living Life In Exile. Thought it was a fairly appropriate tag for her wretched existence.

Anywhooo ... I blew ALLIE off today when she woke me in tears. Decided to spend the $100 I saved on Grey Goose this week on something regenerating. Ever see those facial spas? Gonna steam these damn wrinkles smooth tonight!! I think this pampering ... with an herbal tea chaser ... is earned. Picked up some melatonin as well so I plan to sleep like a baby ... with smooth-as-a-baby's-butt skin!!

Day 7 will be easier - I am wholly convinced. Work helps. I am planning a long day at the office followed by a College Football game with me beloved tOSU Buckeyes. That ought to rid me of some of this evil energy .

Hugs to- and prayers for- all. - Masq

[Finding My Self]

Good gawd … here I am

Brilliant Masq!

I hope the game is great and your skin is now as smooth as....!

I am absolutely sure The Big Guy forgives Mass Escapees. (!).....or I'm stuffed too! No, now it is just lovely but never, never go without tissues!! Eeeek! And check out the side chapels for private escapes.....

I think The Big Guy is damn proud of you....!

Sleep well....
Love FMS x

[Victory]

Good gawd … here I am

Welcome

Hi Masq :welcome:
Your story touched me deeply. So many of us on this site seem to carry such hurt, soldier on with the assistance of alcohol until wham?????.the booze problem becomes worse than the pain that we used it to mask. Double whammy and downward spiral. This is a great site, please reach out when you need help. Hope to see you around on the boards.
:h

[Saint Jude]

Good gawd … here I am

Hello & :welcome: Masqu ...AKA/ Allie

Thank you for sharing your story. Your an amazing writer by the way.

I'm so sorry for your loss. :h I hope sharing your story will help with healing... I think it does...

Great job on 6 days now!

You might want to keep a bit of that "evil energy" on hand...never know when ya might need it...(just a bit) For emergency KICK-ass !

Again welcome...
Huge hugs,
Judie

[KateH1]

Good gawd … here I am

Hi Masq,
Welcome! I enjoyed you in chat the other night, you have a lot to say......glad you are here.

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. It sounds like you are really ready to move forward, sober and with the good memories. I commend you for that.

You will find that much of your story is shared by many of us. I can certainly relate to you on many levels.......now here's the good news, this sharing truly does help with the healing and the healing, as we know, begins with becoming alcohol free. I have been AF since Dec. 23, and I can tell you, as each day goes by without alcohol, I am feeling stronger and so much more grounded.

I really hope that you stick around, and continue to reach out, as we will continue to reach out to you!

Again, welcome, glad you are here!
KateH

[Masquerade]

Good gawd … here I am

Dear St. Jude and KateH -

Thank you, ty ty ty. I am so inspired by each of you in our shared struggle. I am declaring day 7 (today) one of change. I took a PTO day and am planning to have my hair cut short ... and colored. Heck, I might even lighten it! Am opining that this "new growth" in my life is worthy of a newer, sassier me. Might as well have the hairdo to match! hehehe

Chat helps immensely. I enjoyed talking with you, too, Kate.

God bless you Ladies. Hugs from me heart. - Masq

[KateH1]

Good gawd … here I am

Sounds like a fabulous idea!! A new "Do" is always fun and gives us a new point of view! Although you sound mighty "sassy" to me!!LOL! Hey, stop by the Bobbie Brown counter and get a new makeup look too! Why not go ALL the WAY!

Glad you decided to take a day for YOU! That is so healthy! That is something that I have also been working on and it has really helped me stay AF!

Have a Fabulous....Day!
Hugs, KateH

[Masquerade]

Good gawd … here I am

Happy Tuesday, Kate ... and another day AF -

I took your advice and got the new "look." Figured my insides are all confused - might as well surprise the mirror, as well ... Actually glad I got the short, spikey hair - was less to pull out when me Buckeyes tanked last night .

Day 8. Feels like an epiphany.

Wishing sunshine into everyones' heart ... and peace within your souls.
xo - Masq

[Saint Jude]

Good gawd … here I am

Masque, good for you!
I haven't had short hair since I lived @ the Grand Canyon ... back in 1979... In so many ways it seems like yesterday, off to see the world... in a Vw Bus... ( I actually have seen a whole lot of it...LOL) I guess it all starts with just one step...

Here's to a delightful day today,...:l

I just had a friend color my hair last week for the first time! (no more grey!) I do so admire that platinum, white/grey hair some people get...
I almost feel like I've "sold out" in a way, by covering my grey that I've "earned"...

It IS a temporary thing though... 28 washes...

[Masquerade]

Good gawd … here I am

St. Jude -

I lightened my hair to match my spirit . Wouldn't be so bad if the gray came in all over with grace. It's the dang sporadic streaks that make me appear "skunk-like" that drive me nutz!!

VW bus? hehe I had a Pinto!! Remember the self-destructing gastanks? THAT should have been my clue ... my first car was so symbolic!

Hugs to you! Happy Tuesday, my friend.
- Masq

[satori]

Good gawd … here I am

Hmmmm - a new hairdo eh?

Sounds like a plan!

What do you think I should have done?

Love

Satori

xxx

[juli86]

Good gawd … here I am

Masq, Thank you so much for your story. I can relate to wearing the mask and doing it all in spite of the alcohol. And isn't it such a hard job to get it all done while feeling so bad!? I'm right with you on the AF days...day 8 here....and I noticed a BIG change in how I was feeling yesterday, day 7, so I'm looking forward to what's to come. Yesterday I even felt a little... do I dare say it.....joy!.... bubbling up from seemingly nowhere. Now that's a change! I'm rooting for you!