Shocked to admit I have a story too

[stereotype]

:new: Not a very exciting story with smashed things and broken people, no smelly unwashed hair or unshaven legs and hardly any missed days of work due to hang overs (well no more then the average early 20 something would take). In fact my story is just about qualifies as a story it has an unnoticeable beginning a very normal appearing middle and a questionable end, (well beginning of an end). As like most people I began drinking when I was underage, of course. I bought the alcohol for me and my friends as I was the oldest looking- in hindsight I also realize that it was because they didn?t want to be seen buying it in case their parents found out and I often tried to say I wasn?t buying it this time but then they wouldn?t care and would be happy to go without so I always bought it for us even then as a 15 year old I thought there was no point in continuing with the night unless we had the drinks in BUT I know this still sounds normal ? Well I imagine its not much different to most peoples youth and then most people pull themselves together after a very action packed 20?s but I didn?t want to pull myself together after the action packed 20?s and still felt the need to go out and get smashed now and then. I thought I didn?t have a problem because I wasn?t drinking everyday and I could go for days (3/4! Wow!) without drinking but then I would always go and have too much on the next night. Anyway bla bla its an old story but I saw a few danger signals; staying out after my amazing Fianc?e went home just so I could get more drink into me; going back to peoples houses after the pub to drink more then not even remembering if I was invited back; drinking a quick one at the bar before bringing the round back to the table because the people I was with weren?t drinking fast enough for me or just buying two for me and one for them so I wouldn?t have to sit waiting not listening to them just watching the level of their glass waiting for the next round; greedily gulping down some of my friends drink when she went to the toilet so her drink wouldn?t go to waste and we could move on; thinking about drink whenever we plan anything/ a long walk- with a drink at the end for romance! A picnic- with a bottle of wine for romance- a chat with a friend ? with a few beers we deserve it! A lunch ? why not make it dinner and I can get a lift home! It was all premeditated around the fact that drink might be there and it?s only getting worse so after yet another wasted weekend with an added day off on Monday- because I had a bug! I decided while cramped in two watching my shaking hands in wonder that Yes there could in fact be an old problem here and in fact I might be about to take the last step off the back of the boat into very deep water. I had of course tried to stop before ?no more until Christmas? or ?no more for two months? but I never even lasted more than three days before I?d have a sociable red with dinner or a white after a hard day (hard because I was terrified that Id never be drinking again!). And on this last weekend when I finally was able to stand up straight I was amazed to discover that I in fact already do have an issue with drink, I always feel disgusted with myself after I drink, I change my whole personality when I drink, I never shut up and I offend people and I become very selfish its all about how much drink I can drink and I decided that I would stop, for real this time and I told my fianc?e who did go to work, who always goes to work and he doesn?t agree but I am doing it anyway because he doesn?t see what I see, he doesn?t know the full extent of the lies I tell myself and the crafty way I incorporate drink into our lives and I am doing it for him, for our impending marriage because if I don?t do it now I will become more ashamed of myself, more selfish more everything and less ?me? as the drink gets a hold so I am doing it. I am AF for two days and I fully intend to go to bed tonight without drinking , I can not believe how much I think about it, it has shocked me but I have to say this web site is a life line, it?s the buoy I need around my waist in case I fall off the last step ? which I wont I?m determined now more than ever. I am going to check this web site every day and drag myself back to the front of my mind- if I spend as much time thinking about myself as I do thinking about drink imagine where I could be! Thank you to everyone else who wrote their stories they have helped reaffirm my decision. Good on us all.:h

[dexterhead]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

oh stereotype you sound so much like me!!!! Have you ever read a book by Caroline Knapp called "Drinking: A Love Story"? She talks a lot about the same things, which I have also experienced.. being at dinner wondering if there is going to be enough wine ... weaving your whole life around alcohol. I am in kind of the same boat as you, have been here since NOvember but still haven't managed a single bloody day AF, but I am planning for that to be tomorrow ... god help me .. but there are a bunch of us new here and I think we can help one another thru this. My main goal is 30 days AF, want to let myself heal, but they say we need to take it one day at a a time, which makes a hell of a lot of sense. so stay close and keep posting.

[lookingforhope]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Funny how people come together for a better cause. Sorry this is short, I am a bit speechless. Because I was looking for things to print off for my daugher, 19, and could not find anything. Now here you are...and I am printing. Thank you so much for sharing what was in your soul. Funny how God works. (and I really am not a religious person, but....who knows) Thanks!

[Guest]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Hi stereo and welcome.

Yes, it does shock when first we are forced to admit that alcohol is no longer fun.......that it has indeed become a very serious problem. Accepting that you have a drink problem is the key to your freedom. Alcohol wrecks lives, wreaks havoc and leaves complete devastation in its wake. It is not easy to quit, but quitting is the greatest kindness we can bestow upon ourselves.

Well done for making a good start on your sobriety........keep going.......give it your all........we all deserve a life free of booze.

Love and strength to you,

Starlight Impress x

[satori]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Hi Stereo - Welcome from me too!

Good for you in coming here and doing this at so young an age - I wish I had had your insight!

This place can help change your life - there are some amazing kind people here and you can rely on our support 24/7.
Your story is (I am sure) familiar to many / most of us.

I too planned my whole life around alcohol - but it took me over 20 years to wise up!

Thanks to the support and advice on this site, I have just reached six months Alcohol Free (AF) today!

And - what is even more surprising is I love the AF life and am quite happy to be this way for good - it is like getting my life back.

So - if I can do it - YOU sure can.

Stay close

Love

Satori

xxx

[ducky]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Welcome stereotype,

There are a lot of us functional types here too. It sounds like you are very motivated so please stay around. I can identify a lot with your comments about watching other people's drinks and being concerned there is not enough wine. It's a terrible feeling. Dex, I read that book years ago and knew a lot of it applied to me. She actually died of cancer a year or two ago.

Welcome again!

[pixie]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Welcome, Stereotype!

Wow, are we long-lost twins (of wildly different ages)? I can clearly identify with the alcohol thought processes, but you described it so much better than I ever could.

Glad you're hear, stick around, and best of luck.

pixie

[Jacy]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Hi Stereotype,

It takes courage to admit you have problem. I learned that until I reached that breaking point with my addiction I was going to continue hurting myself. As a few people mentioned at least you're doing something about it while you were young. All the best to you with journey AF.

Jacy

[Fresh Hope]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Hey Stereo,
Thanks for your story. I have managed a few AF days here and there and I too love how I feel AF but like you I always fall off after 3-4 days. Keep reading and posting and reading and reading....I read a lot and my hope is that one day it will sink in deep enough to last.

Does anyone think they drink because they are bored?? I am so bored at night, too tired to keep working, job work that is, I work from home, too tired to do anything really engaging like go out to a movie, the gym etc., too early to go to bed... so have a drink or 4 watching crappy television shows. I can’t seem to just sit at home unless I have a drink and even then I am still bored but at least I am getting a bit high and it takes the edge off.

Sometimes I will go out at 7PM and shop, go to the gym, groceries, anything to keep me out of the house until it is late enough to go to bed... all this so I won’t drink.
I only drink at home, never in a bar, restaurant or social event. I have to drive and I am always aware that I can have my drink later at home and look so saintly and abstemious
while in public.

Good Luck Stereo

[stereotype]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

Thank you so much

:thanks: WOW thank you so much everyone for even bothering to read my story I am sure I will make it through today again without a wine now because some of you have said you feel the same so I know when I try and trick myself into having one with dinner its not true- you have to confirmed it for me! Oh God, Im still amazed though by how hard it is and how much I think about it Thank you all so much again this web site is great, it makes me happy that Im trying because I know that all of you are too (not that I look happy right now as I am upset-ish by how real it all is) I'll be back tomorrow and I hope we'l all be able to say we did it again or at least tryed our very best to do it, I will do it, again Good on us all

[stereotype]

Shocked to admit I have a story too

I havnt read that book but Im going to try and get it in the book shop it sounds like it would really help, Im just still so shocked I cant belive that I have admited this, and now that I have I know that I actually knew it for ages (Lordy does that even make sence???!!) Im so ashamed of letting myself become such an idiot, anyway, not anymore and GOOD LUCK to you for tomorrow when you go for the AF day again imagine what you'l feel like when you wake up the next morning! If your like me you'l be amazed and slightly, proudly, smug, 'haha mrs wine and mr beer guess who didnt require your services yesterday'. Im off to work now good luck again for tomorrow (im sure even teenage boys dont think about you know what as much I think about drinking, I cant stop saying how shocked I am) thanks again for reading my post and taking the time to reply it means heaps, good on you