Phil...I can relate to what you're saying...I am a beer drinker too. I can drink 12 to 15 a day and more sometimes but my moment of truse was last Wednesday when I got picked up for my 2nd DUI..I woke up Wednesday morning still drunk from the night before. had over slept grabed some clothes ran out of the house called in sick to work went to the store bought a 20 pack and started again..by 2 in the afternoon I was passed out in my car on the side of the road awakened by a police officer who thought I was dead because he couldn't find a pluse and called am ambulance sent me to the hospital where they gave me some IV fluids and sent me on to jail...that's my wake up call...I'm ready to do anything and I mean anything to stop this self distruction and get my life back...alcohole has taken so much from me but it hasn't taken my will to live and I know that would be next. I have two boys that love me very, very, much and I have to live for them . If not for them I probably would just take the easy way out but I can't...I have to fight this and fight it with eveything I have in me and use every source of help I can get..that means AA.kudzu and topimax when I get afford it and I'm really wonting to try the CD's...because I have a broken brain..it's broken bad and I need to fix it...That's the hard part...we are broken and we are the only ones that can fix us because in our society today we are considered low life misfits that should be living in a trailor park somewhere. That makes me angry. But I will do whatever it takes to fix me. That's the attutude we have to have.... Like you I have read all the books...thinking there must be an answer to this problem...There is an answere and it's going to be hard, hard, hard work..doing whatever it takes...12 steps and the whole nine yards. I am 43 yrs old, have been through 3 husbands and it's time to say there's something wrong with me and do whatever it takes to fix it and make that my first priorety..not work. That's the hard part for me...I have put work first every since my divorce 7 yrs ago and now I have to put sobrity before it all...I don't care if I loose my car my house I dont care if I ruin my credit that I've worked so hard to establish these past 7 yrs.
So sorry to ramble on and on..I hope you get what I'm trying to say...don't let it be something bad that happens to make you see what you have to do...the only thing left for me is death..I'm either going to kill someone or I'm going to kill myself and either way it sucks.
Good luck to you Phil...keep us posted.
with love in my heart,
Jaded
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