I drink beer...lots of it

[cpn1004]

I drink beer...lots of it

Again thank you all for your posts. Good information from all. I had forgotten about Kudzu and picked up some this weekend. It seems to help. Of course I need to make the mental decision(s) as well.
Have a great week.
Phil

[xtexan]

I drink beer...lots of it

Phil:

I struggled many, many years to make the commitment. It is not easy, and no one here will say that it is.

However, I found that once I had flat, no-turning back, hell-or-high-water, made the internal decision to quit, it was almost like I had thrown off a 1000 lb. gorilla off my back. No small monkey on me.

Of course, I had a revelation one evening in December 2005, while crawling on the floor of my bathroom, sick with pneumonia. I could not cough up enough crud, and could not get enough air back in to stay conscious. I passed out, thinking I was going to die right there. Pneumonia caused by too much booze and cigarettes and cold night air. My immune system was for shit.

So having awoken on the floor of my bathroom, and not having died, I had copious tears running down my face. The switch had finally clicked. No more oaths, or prayers, or resolutions made to any ?higher power?. It was me, and only me. I was going to live, and conquer.

For me, it was battle. Full on, no mercy, kill the f$%king enemy dead battle. No prisoners, no interrogations. Death to the enemy, and no reprieves, negotiations, or second chances. I was like one of the Spartans in that movie ?300?.

So you pretty much know the rest. I went 9 months full on, using my own full battle program before I needed a little help. Before that, I was completely on my own, so that may tell you a little something of just how serious I was.

Now here at over 2 years AF, approaching my 800 day mark, I still have got that same hell bent for leather attitude I manifested on that cool bathroom floor back then. No way do I ever want to go there again. The battle has taken many turns, and I found that the internal psychological work was going to be the toughest nut to crack, because I had denied so many things for so long my life.

There is no reason to ever put that poison back in my body ever again. Sometimes my deep psyche still tries to fool me, and come up with a new reason, or a justification for ?just one?. But I still see it as nothing but total BS, and remember the how the bathroom floor felt on my wet tear stained face.

I write this, because I truly do not want another human to experience that horrible feeling that I had.

Whatever it takes.

Oh, and by the way, I have not been sick one day with even a cold since that terrible day.

Neil

[Thankful]

I drink beer...lots of it

WOW!! Neil, I think you should post this same exact post on every single thread, every single day and to every single newbie who joins! That is powerful. I loved it. Some post make me cry, some make me laugh. But this one...whew, I'm ready to battle!! Thank you for posting that.

Cpn, hang in there! Print Neil's post and re-read it every day.

Love, Me
:l

[cpn1004]

I drink beer...lots of it

Once Neil does it! Thanks for the great post from a fellow engineer.
Phil

[embraceddarkside]

I drink beer...lots of it

Don't give up on yourself---it is the cravings that make it hard to cut down. It is like going fishing and you can't seem to get the hook out. Find whatever you can to even cut back--supplements, meds, support, drink monitoring. I for one am looking forward to looking at a bottle of wine or liquor and not even wanting it. For now, it is my nemesis. What is annoying to me now, is not really wanting to drink, but feeling compelled to, and then not even enjoying it. The people who have made it AF even 7 days or more are our mentors and our strength. Addiction is addiction and none of us set out on that first cocktail announcing to our friends "I wanna be alcohol dependent, so down the hatch!" We wouldn't continue drinking if it didn't provide some kind of purpose, but those of us who want to cut back or quit are at a point where we just don't want to do it anymore. It is so nice to know I'm not a failure because I haven't "made it" all the way to my goal yet.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

I drink beer...lots of it

Thank you, Neil, for sharing your story.

Your conviction is awe-inspiring. I gain strength from your blunt revelation...
"The switch had finally clicked."

Been there~ done that~ got the t-shirt.

[Beaches]

I drink beer...lots of it

Neil as always you know how to put it so well and give us all a wake up call.

Phil, been there done that too. The 2pm cravings set in and the battle of wills starts. The kudzu and L-glut worked great for me. I found that I was able to go later in the day and then when I stopped taking them I was right back to the war zone. I wish you the very best and just don't ever give up, each day we learn something new to win.

[cpn1004]

I drink beer...lots of it

Beaches, thanks for the kind words. I am starting again today to be AF.
Peace and Love,
Phil

[Accountable for Me]

I drink beer...lots of it

Phil, I commend you on your will to keep on trying!

Wishing you so much strength to get you through. I know you can do this!

[yesterday]

I drink beer...lots of it

i appreciate your thoughts. i have similar oness keep trying i am thinking about you

[Guest]

I drink beer...lots of it

Phil,
You are not alone. If I worked at home daily, it would be very hard for to get AF days.

[Guest]

I drink beer...lots of it

Phil, I'm fighting that beast right now for 10 months I did beautifully. I was taking the L- Glut and oil of primrose 3x aday without fail. Then come the holidays schedule gets throw off and ever since Dec. 22nd. I have struggled daily. I, like you work at home and I know the allure of the 2:00 hour so well. Just know your not alone.
hugs
Mar

[Sunbeam]

I drink beer...lots of it

It helped me to write down all the things I hate about drinking too much: what it does to my health, how I feel the next day, wasted time and calories, deceiving my wonderful spouse, embarassment at social events (someone really may notice how I drink a lot more than the others), the memory loss, ruining my future if I don't stop, etc. etc. etc. I gave it to my husband and a close friend. I'm AF day 10, hoping that in the future I can have have one drink at dinner out or a special occasion without getting into my old habits.

[cpn1004]

I drink beer...lots of it

Wow, thank you all for your support.
Juliana, what a great idea. I may steal that one.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[OMGWTH]

I drink beer...lots of it

Man, I know just what you're saying, I'm in the same boat Phil. I don't work at home though, but right around quitting time I just want to go home and crack one open. (not bud though, I drink honey brown or blue moon)

I used to drink on binges then go up to 6 months without even thinking of a beer. Now it's every day since I quit smoking. The moment I laid down another addiction, this one came running up to take it's place!!