New here - embarrassed, scared...

[carjobe]

hi all -

I've been lurking a couple weeks since I came across this site. I guess it is nice to see that a lot of people feel how I feel every day. I don't know why I drink. I have had a lot of good in my life. Good, close family, successful job, married to a wonderful man...but the thought of drinking consumes me.

I did grow up where drinking was the norm. When my family gets together, we drink. I read a post where someone said the saying in the family is "it's 12:00 somewhere in the world" and that quote has been said more times then I can remember in my family as well.

I don't have any tragic story or major experience that set me off. I refused to drink when I was in high school because I thought my parents acted like idiots when they drank so I guess I developed a "weird" relationship to drinking.

At any rate, my husband drinks as well and we are trying to cut down. No drinking during the week. Mellow on weekends. He has been really good, but I have been "sneaking" a drink here and there. And I have NO idea why. It's like a little "bad" think I can do. I'll go out, stop at the liquor store and buy a small bottle of anything, hide it and sneak it. It makes me feel like such a loser. I have slowly been getting better but it is not unusual for me to sneak a glass of wine or two midday. And then I just feel like a failure.

I am a former athlete and very competitive. I'm trying to get back into really good shape. I feel good at the gym but then the drinking seems to undo the good I do.

I think I'm rambling but I am here and trying. I think it will be hard and I know I need to change but I also am afraid to change. But for my health and happiness I know I need to.

Thanks for listening.

[re-living]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

I understand what you are saying. I am no pro at this, but I am on day 2 of not drinking. And I think because I told myself no drinking, I want it even more. It's driving me a little crazy. And I too will sneak alcohol from my husband, and I totally get how you feel.
I have no advice at the moment. But I get it!

Tam

[Accountable for Me]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Welcome carjobe! Don't be scared or embarrassed. You have been lurking like so many of us before we became brave and decided to post. You will find nothing but tons of support here - I promise! For a public website, it has relatively no huge mishaps - that is what makes this place special.

I understand about most of what you have said. My family, when we get together that expression "it is noon somewhere in this world" was quite common with us too.

I also can relate to the sneaking the drink.... that was me not so long ago!

You will be welcomed here with open arms, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Glad you found us!

[Guest]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Welcome. I have been here for almost a year now. Have you ordered the book or the supplements? They WORK and they will help you tremendously with cravings. You can do this. You are not a failure. A lot of us have done just what you are doing. Stay here with us, keep posting and keep reading.

[carjobe]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Thanks everyone. It is nice to hear support and not feel judged. I know I can do this. I just need to set my mind to is and know that it won't be easy.

I have the book. I am just starting to read and ordered some of the supplements. I am hoping that it will help the effort.

I just keep telling myself to take it slowly and not get too ahead of myself. I have a fresh start each day and if I hit a bump in the road, it's not the end of the world.

i do feel lucky that i came across this site.

[carjobe]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Can I ask a question? Here is where I am nervous. I feel ok at home for the most part, but for instance, I am going to my brother's house tomorrow to visit his family and I am already feeling the urge to stop on the way and buy some liquor to have when I am there. And I don't want to and I don't need it but that urge is so strong...

any recommendations on how to get past that.

[tlrgs]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

hi there.. welcome .. i have been on this site for now two weeks or more and i have found alot of support here . and just read alot and post .and remember one day at a time it really does work...good luck

[Prest4time]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Hi Carjobe, and welcome!

In answer to your question, I can only say that I think the nervousness and compulsion to prepare ahead with the alcohol before you go away is based out of your fear of not having any control of what you drink while not at home. I only say that because I travel some, and that's how I feel. Try to view it as a window of opportunity to "leave it at home". Have a glass of wine while out to dinner if you want, but dont buy it and store it. I have done this before and then way overdrank while out of town when I needed to be alert and on a schedule.

I understand, but the supplements really come into play at this time. Dont leave home without GABA, L-Glut, Kudzu. And if you need something to help you sleep, then get something. Better to wake up refreshed after taking Lunesta than to wake up hung over after drinking too much!

All the best, and welcome!
P4T

[maasai]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

hi carjobe,
you just came to the right place where you can always run to, i have about a week since i joined the rest have read alot and am telling it really helps read through and keep posting

[cpn1004]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Carjobe, you are at the right place. Keep coming back.

[Guest]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Wow, I feel like met some twins here, we have so many similar experiences. I say if you can take each day at a time, things will get better. I started the supplements a week ago, and feel better, just picked up the gaba and l-glute. I'm still waiting on the topomax in the mail, but I'm not sure I'll take it, I'm afraid. Has anyone out there ordered online? What kind of quality control will we be getting? Anyway, I have been a daily drinker for the last 20 years (I'm only 37), come from a family, like yours who drink a lot. But my husband started finding empty beer bottles hidden in the house and it caused some problems between us. Instead of quitting, I got better at hiding it! He's away a lot with the military, but with me home with 2 small children, I just can't rationalize it anymore, it's too dangerous for them to have their one parent not on top of things. I never thought I was an anxious person, but I think I must be to have alcohol the vice I turn to when things go a little wrong, or to reward myself when things go well....I ran a half-marathon 2 years ago when I managed to quit drinking for 1 year, but started back again when he left for Iraq. It's tough, but I think the supplements will help get me on a different, healthier track. This site is great since I've never been able to talk to anyone about my drinking problem....Thanks to all who post!

[edwin]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

hi

hello,i find your story very interesting and very similer story to mine,good working family and i have a very good liveing and a very competed athlete,
but i could never understand way i ues to drink so much there is no history in my family off drinkers,
like you i came across this website and find it realy helps,
i hope it works for you as it did for me i did try AA but hated it.
good luck with your training:welcome:

carjobe;263450 wrote: hi all -

I've been lurking a couple weeks since I came across this site. I guess it is nice to see that a lot of people feel how I feel every day. I don't know why I drink. I have had a lot of good in my life. Good, close family, successful job, married to a wonderful man...but the thought of drinking consumes me.

I did grow up where drinking was the norm. When my family gets together, we drink. I read a post where someone said the saying in the family is "it's 12:00 somewhere in the world" and that quote has been said more times then I can remember in my family as well.

I don't have any tragic story or major experience that set me off. I refused to drink when I was in high school because I thought my parents acted like idiots when they drank so I guess I developed a "weird" relationship to drinking.

At any rate, my husband drinks as well and we are trying to cut down. No drinking during the week. Mellow on weekends. He has been really good, but I have been "sneaking" a drink here and there. And I have NO idea why. It's like a little "bad" think I can do. I'll go out, stop at the liquor store and buy a small bottle of anything, hide it and sneak it. It makes me feel like such a loser. I have slowly been getting better but it is not unusual for me to sneak a glass of wine or two midday. And then I just feel like a failure.

I am a former athlete and very competitive. I'm trying to get back into really good shape. I feel good at the gym but then the drinking seems to undo the good I do.

I think I'm rambling but I am here and trying. I think it will be hard and I know I need to change but I also am afraid to change. But for my health and happiness I know I need to.

Thanks for listening.

[Popeye]

New here - embarrassed, scared...

Hey carjobe,
You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
You have a problem and you want to sort it out. That is why we are all here.
It can be scary, facing up to the boogieman, but sometimes it just has to be done.
There are some wonderful success stories, as you probably know, and many lovely people who will try their best to help you meet your goals.
Good luck to you, and edwin and eturgrns and re-living and everyone else.