13 days and no beer!

[sherrie]

I'm new here. I just read the book last Saturday. Before I read the book I had already decided that my daily beer drinking was getting out of control. I drank everyday and have been doing this for longer than I can remember. Fills an empty spot and makes everything feel a little bit better...that is until the end of the night or the next morning. I guess my low came a few weeks ago when I was so drunk on a Thursday night that I tripped over a rug and fell into the TV. I hit right above my eye...blood everywhere and the next day I woke up with a huge black eye...During all of this my 14 yr old daughter and 10 year old son knew exactly what happened...not so good.

I have been divorced for over 9 years and basically have my kids 24-7. There is no every other weekend or anything like that...lots of pressure and responsibility on me. Maybe that's when my drinking really picked up...not really sure.

Anyway, I have bought all of my supplements, but have not received my Topamax yet. I guess it is an accomplishment that I have totally stopped drinking on my own and it's been 13 days. I don't feel proud of myself. I feel like a total loser and pathetic. I am having a very hard time and when I'm driving home I definitely feel like having a beer to take the edge off.

Last night I went home and cried in the bathtub for a while...I was so tempted to go to the store and get some beer, but I didn't. This is very hard and I feel empty inside and that I have nothing to offer...I don't like myself, so who else possibly would?

My boyfriend of almost one year broke up in December. We are trying to work things out. The main problem was how I acted when I drank way too much. Pretty embarrasing. The morning after I would almost hate to wake up to hear what I said or did that was bad...definitely not a good feeling.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me.

Sherrie:new:

[wonderworld]

13 days and no beer!

Hi Sherrie -

And welcome !!!!!:welcome:

So, let's review:
1) You haven't had a beer in 13 days (for the first time in how long?)
2) You just joined MWO, read the book, got the supps, and told your story honestly to people who want to help you.

hmmmmmm..........

Keep reading and posting!!!!!
wonder xx

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Been drinking for 20+ years

Thanks for the reply~:thanks: Well, I'm 42 and I've been drinking heavily for close to 20 years. I would definitely say for the past 5-6 years it has been daily. The last 3 years has gotten really bad. I don't just have a few to take the edge off. I was only buying 6 packs so I would only drink 6...then I would have to go back to the store...During Christmas I was off for 2 weeks and it got really bad. Since I was up at 6 AM, by 10 AM, it was time to switch from coffee to beers. I drank a ton during that 2 week period. I guess this is quite an accomplishment for someone like me, who was drinking heavily everyday.

It's definitely not easy and I've wanted to drink... the first weekend was okay because I was so disgusted with myself (my purple eye). Last weekend was pretty tough. Thursday night was typically a big drinking night for me...staring the weekend early! Friday was very, very hard. I stopped off and bought an Energy drink instead of a case...

Thanks for the support!

Sherrie

[wonderworld]

13 days and no beer!

sherrie;264350 wrote: I don't just have a few to take the edge off. I was only buying 6 packs so I would only drink 6...then I would have to go back to the store...During Christmas I was off for 2 weeks and it got really bad. Since I was up at 6 AM, by 10 AM, it was time to switch from coffee to beers.

I have done this Sherrie. I was a beer drinker too. The tolerance just goes up and up. It got to the point where I didn't get that relaxed buzzy feeling until after a whole six pack, when it used to be one beer. There was even a period of time when I had to drink a six pack on the way to work to keep from freaking out and going into withdrawals. As they say, it is progressive. We have to drink more and more to feel okay.

As far as the 13 days - maybe you initially got scared into it b/c of your eye, but now that you have MWO, you can turn it into a WHOLE NEW CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE. It sounds like you are very motivated, depsite how totally crappy you feel. That's how it starts.

wonder xx

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Thanks wonder!

I started out thinking I was going to totally stop drinking. Then I read the book and could totally relate to not wanting to never drink again. Doesn't sound very fun to never have a drink at a party or dinner. I don't have my All One powder drink yet or my Topamax...my goal right now is to try and go 30 days without drinking at all. Then I might make a modification, but I haven't really decided yet.

The eye and my 14 year old daughter calling me a drunk and a loser probably added a lot to everything too. I was also getting to the point that I was buying vodka and putting that in my lemonade so that the kids wouldn't know...

Yes the tolerance certainly does escalate. I am only 5'3" and weigh about 120 lbs and my routine was to just drink and skip eating all together. And, could I ever drink a lot!! I think the not eating was a way of controlling something in my life...

Thanks for the support!

[Cinders]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie,

What WW tells you is true. This damn "thing" truly is progessive. Physical reasons why it is and man they scare the beejeesus out of you when you study it.

Like WW, when I could (without jeopardizing work) I would start drinking as soon in the morning as I could. Crap, if I woke up in the middle of the night, I would drink to get back to sleep. Hmm. Come to think of it, I was pretty much drinking whenever I was awake, unless I was at work.

On top of that, for the last two years, I was drinking every night to black out, thus I had black eyes, bruises, broken furniture, unexplained blood in hotel rooms. OMG!!

So, good thing you are on 13 days AF because that means you are over any physical withdrawals, which should make you very happy AND you have NOT progessed as far as I did.

GOOD ON YOU!!

I have done a fair amount of brain damage, I think, and you probably haven't yet. Don't.

Today, even though I occasionally slip and do a good on binge (still working on that and by George going to beat AL whatever it takes), my hands no longer shake 24/7, I don't have horrible guilt and shame as I am "coming down" and I don't need a drink every second.

Please stay with us and work on getting and staying sober. Your life will be transformed.

Glad you are here!

Love,
Cindi

[wonderworld]

13 days and no beer!

db2fromala;264380 wrote: my hands no longer shake 24/7, I don't have horrible guilt and shame as I am "coming down" and I don't need a drink every second.

This almost made me cry. That's the nitty gritty right there Cindi. Lord, the places we go with this stuff. So grateful we're all here.

Sherrie- I did the same but with OJ. What could be more innocent than a glass of orange juice ? sure.

And yeah. No need to answer the BIG question right now of AF or Mods. Setting the 30 day AF goal is the best idea, I think, as the book says. Another smart move on your part! A time for cleaning out your body and clearing up your head so that you can make the best decision FOR YOU going forward. Anything and everything you do in your efforts to acheive those 30 days will be part of the process. So keep reading and posting!

wonder xx

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Thanks for the support from you both. I can relate to your story Cindi...I left out many details...I can definitely relate to bruises all over my body, my car in the ditch, not remember anything from the night before, messes in my house...you name it...It feels good to know that others can relate

To be perfectly honest, I don't feel proud of my 13 days. I feel like a LOSER and that I am no fun. I'm grouchy, edgy, sensitive, etc. who would want to be around me? I don't even like myself or want to be around me!!

Thanks again guys!

[Bambi]

13 days and no beer!

Hi Sherrie,

I am new here also, just read the book. I drink beer all the time. I am a stay at home Mom of a 13 & 15 year old. I drink at home out of boredom and to get me through the lonely days of cleaning and such I guess. My husband and kids are ashamed of me! In fact my husband is hardly speaking to me at the moment. I have been doing this for years. I will go a few days, start feeling good, then miss the old times so back to drinking I go. What is it with this! I too am small framed and can drink like a fish! A sailor would be proud of me. Guess that isn't saying much out me.

Hopefully we can stick this out and make this work! Anyway just wanted to say Hi and welcome to you. I have been reading alot of the posts and it sounds like a lot of the people are in the same boat.

Good luck to you and congrats on your 13 days.
Bambi

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Thanks Bambi

It's good to know that I'm not alone...my kids 14 and 10 feel the same about me. Things are terrible at my house right now. They both think that because I was drinking all the time that they can call me names and treat me very badly. They have actually made it much harder on me for the last 13 days. It's hard enough doing this, but when you have the extra stress and name calling at home it is worse. All of it is my fault. I can't really blame them. I might have started out of boredom too. I was divorced when kids were 5 and 15 months old. My ex never takes them so I was always at home...if I couldn't go out and have fun, then I guess I just made my own fun at home...drinking.

Good luck to you Bambi...I know how hard it is

[Bambi]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie,

Yes it will be hard. But there is no reason for your kids to make it harder on you. I am so sorry! Can you talk to them? Tell them you are trying?

My kids have always known of my problem. They don't like it, but they know it is hard. I (we) talk about it so I hope they understand not to ever start drinking and what it can lead to.

Hang in there! It has to be tough on your own! But remember you are the MOM and deserve respect! I know I lost my self esteem through all of this, time for us to get it back.
Just reading here has helped me alot this past month. I hope talking (posting) to others will help us even more.

Hugs,
Bambi

[dexterhead]

13 days and no beer!

Hi Sherrie, wow, you are doing well. 13 days!!! and mostly all on your own. You might not feel strong, but you ARE strong and I think soon you will start feeling better mentally.

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Bambi,

Well, my kids don't understand. They are kids, I guess! They've known I have a problem for a very long time. Last week my daughter (14) asked me if I thought I deserved a gold medal or something because I hadn't drank in a week. I actually didn't really tell them that I stopped. I just thought they could see it for themselves. They definitely don't have respect for me and I'm sure it's my own fault.

Hugs to you too...thanks for the support!!

[Guest]

13 days and no beer!

Hi sherrie and welcome. First off, none of us are losers, despite our problem. It`s just that when the drink has all but taken over our lives, it begins to suffocate our sense of self-worth.......it goes all out to destroy us. Only, it hasn`t succeeded in destroying you.........13 days says you have made an admirable start.........you are fighting back and doing so well already........the topa will help you be even stronger.

As for disappointing kids........well, sadly, we`ve all been there and did that. You just need to rebuild the trust between you and your kids, and that takes time, but once your kids see that you are serious about quitting and trying your best to honour that........their trust in you will return.

Please stop giving yourself such a hard time.......you`re doing great already.

Wishing you love and strength.

Starlight Impress x

[Bambi]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie,

Ya, that is tough. I would think that YES after 13 days I would want a gold medal! LOL, Well....I haven't made it even close to that yet. You are doing great. At least they are talking to you. My husband isn't talking to me. The kids know that I am the one in charge and take care of things so they will talk to me. (funny cause hubby doesn't even drink...another story)

Keep going, you are doing GREAT, they will come around! Here is a Gold Medal for YOU! :h

Hugs,
Bambi