13 days and no beer!

[Cinders]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie,

There is more than just the drinking going on with the girls.

They are using it against you, even though you are working hard on it.

DO NOT LET THEM. You are the MOM!!

If you are too vulnerable right now to handle it on your own, set up counseling. I know it is a scary idea, especially because the drinking is going to come up but it may be what you need and the girls need.

Lots of moms on this sight, lots of SINGLE moms. Your girl's know your guilt and are manipulating you.

Stop them right now. They need to know who is the boss. Not all bosses are perfect.

Love,
Cindi

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Cindi,

Thanks..I actually have a girl and boy. My daughter is a freshman and my son is in 5th grade. It used to just be my daugher, but as I steadily drank more, my son has ganged up on me too.

Maybe I ignored alot of it before because I was drunk or something...don't know. I have become a lot tougher in the past few weeks because I'm already in a bad mood without drinking. Last night I took away my son's playstation and actually 2 weeks ago disconnected his cell phone. I think I need to follow through...hopefully things will get better.

I have thought about counseling too. Actually the way they treat me is almost worse than not having my beers...almost! :thanks:

[cpn1004]

13 days and no beer!

Bambi and Sherrie, I can relate. I drink too much beer. It is amazing how much better I feel when I don't though. I need to focus on that.
Keep trying y'all.
Peace and Love,
Phil

[juli86]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie, Welcome....hope you're still hanging in there. 13 days is definitely something to be proud of. You said you're taking your supplements. Are you taking B-Complex vitamins? That seems to help a lot with mood. I'm thinking of you!!!

[InnerStrength]

13 days and no beer!

Hi Sherrie
Do you think your kids might want to go to al-anon or something? It would be helpful for them to understand the disease a bit more - or alateen is for younger people...though I know they are really young....

[anxious]

13 days and no beer!

I love you guys,:h

All of us are in the same boat and yet feel like such losers, a little self loathing, and all alone, I too am a littler person (yet capable of drinking large amounts of Al) to blackout. And then wonder what the hell I'm doing to myself. I've only gone 3 days but its friday and I'm a little freaked out cuz don't know what to do with myself so I'm cleaning. My kids are a little older, 21 and 18 but they've seen enough to be totally f------d up for the rest of their lives. Again I would like a do over where I didn't love al. All of us just need to hang in there and try to support each other as much as possible. I have many people I know in the age bracket 35-58 who drink crazy to blackout in strange places, bruizes etc.. Dam those hormones !!! Oh yes the AM looks when you don't know what happend but everyone else is privey to the nasty little secret. My mother who is a blackout drinker herself, told my husband to take pics to show me. Wasn't pretty thanks mom. You'd think those things would make you go NNNOOO but yet somehow ya think it'll be ok next time and maybe it is for a while and then boom here we go again!!

Keep up the good work guys on this journey:goodjob:

[kingfisher]

13 days and no beer!

High sherrie, WELCOME TO MYO. This place is a huge help in the Al battle when you need a little support. Thirteen day's, WOW your over the toughest hump. ( The withdrawl.) Rock bottom got you over this part. (The most difficult part.) Now run with it. I'm a long term beer drinker 25years plus. Daily for at least the last 15. I did the 6 pack so I wouldn't get real drunk thing a million times, then always ended up going back for more. Usually a 12 pack, at least. Sometimes I figured a sixer of big ones instead, or a 8 pack would do the trick. (WRONG same shit different pile.) Your drinking habit's are very similar to mine. I hope you would reconsider trying to moderate after 30 day's,(if you can) try to loose that thought.( I don't think it's long enough for drinkers like us.) The suppliments will realy help with your craving's. Lets see how long you can go. You don't want to have to hit bottom again to get back were you are now. Now get the kids on track. (Yea there the kid's mom.)
I'de like to suggest you sit your children 14 & 10down( Especialy the 14 year old. She no's she can manipulate you with shame, her brother see's this and follow's.) and explain alcoholism is a very serious disease that doesn't go away on it's own. When drinking, the alcohol has control over you, what you say and do. It's very addicting just as are the thing's they like. (ONLY 1 000 000 times powerful) It takes a lot of hard work on your part not to drink,& you nead support from family & friends, not put downs, if your going to have a chance at controling it, but for yourself you need to, and for them wan't to. But when they through it back in your face there sabatoging your efferts. Tell them if the dager's continue, councelling for the whole family will be forth coming as youv'e tried to get through to them with no success,and if there not old enough to listen to what mom say's then a professional will be neaded to make them understand. (No kid's there age wan't to spend precious free time in counselling.)(Make shure they no it will be on there fun time if they make it neccessary.) Hopfully you can get through to them. Any way those are my thought's. Im getting a little long winded so I'm outa here. Hope to talk to you later. see ya.

XOXOXOXO
F.K.

[sunshine23]

13 days and no beer!

Sherie:

Good for you that you found this website . . . .I just ordered RJ's book yesterday along with the supplements. . .so you are ahead of me . . . .

You are NOT pathetic! It takes someone pretty strong to raise a family - and on your own - well I can't even imagine. . . I now have a supportive loving husband, but for the first 20 years of marrriage I did it on my own as well . . .that was before I drank . . . then we hit a rough patch when I came to my senses and got our relationship on the right track but now am dealing with the affects of having discovered a vodka cocktail nightly . . . .I guess everything is a trade off! LOL

so please don't beat yourself up . . . you are healing yourself on your own and what a wonderful example you are making for your children . . . . .

It will get better . . . .just beleive that it will . . . . .hang in there!:thumbs:

[Thankful]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie, my dear, your story really hits home. I do not have kids, but have helped raise my niece. My niece and her mom live with me. Her mom is a raging alcholic and smokes pot as well. I've begged my sister years ago to quit drinking because she not only was hurting herself, but she was detroying her daughter as well. I told her for years that time was running out to patch things up with her daughter and that she was really going to regret it if she didn't. Her daughter is 17 now and they have a horrible relationship. Her daughter does not even like her mom. I tell you this not to upset you, but to point out that you still have time to show your children a new mom. You can and will win their respect back. It's gonna be hard, but you can do it. You have already gotten over a huge hurdle. Got 2 wks under your belt and are taking supps. Good job! And yes, you deserve a gold medal!!

I drank a lot of beer for yrs. Could not go 3 days w/out it. When I came here, I switched to non-alcohol beer (O'douls) and I love it. Try a NA beer. There are all kinds, so don't give up if you don't like the first ones you try. NA beer helped tremendously.

Also, you mentioned coffee/beer switch as your daily routine. Ohhhh, boy can I relate. When I gave up drinking (only day 38), I realized that caffiene was one of my triggers. I would sometimes have a whole pot (or more of coffee). Needless to say, jitters set in, so it was so easy for something to stress me out. Sooo, I reached for the beer to calm the jitters and the stress. Now, as much as I love my coffee, I simply can not allow myself more than 2 cups a day. Maybe this is a trigger for you as well.

This going to sound stupid, but look at your cravings as a positive thing. Because each craving will teach you a trigger and you can learn how to arm yourself against it in the future.

As far as the kids are concerned, they have every right to feel the way they do. They do not have the right to abuse you. Not just because you are their mother. It's because you are a human being, and decent people do not abuse others, no matter how much they themselves hurt. Don't feel like you don't have a right to correct them because you are under the sad assumption that you deserve this treatment. You don't!! To let them behave this way, gives them permission to be this way with anybody and everybody that upsets them. This will only hurt themselves and their future relationships in the long run.

I agree with that you need to sit down with your kids and have a true heart to heart. They first need to be educated on the diease. If they don't understand it, they won't understand you. Secondly, it's ok to tell them that they don't need to praise you, but you can not tolerate them sabatoging you either. Let them know you are doing your best, you are making great efforts at being a better mom and person, and that their support would be appreciated. Tell them you are sorry they've been hurt by alcohol, but that you have been hurt by their words and actions. Today is a new day for the three of you and it's time to make a pact to stop all that hurting. Tell them to ease up and give you time to make things better. I can not stress enough that they need to be educated on the diease. Print things off the computer if you have to. Get pamphlets, anything.

Good luck to all of you. Please keep us "posted" on your progress.

Love, Me
:l

[Jaded]

13 days and no beer!

Sherri, I can totally relate to you..Beer is my drink of choice also..I can drink, the last time I counted was 16 not sure what I'm up to now...I'm waiting on the topamax and the supps to come and then hope and pray that helps. You are doing great..I don't think I could go 5 days without a drink right now.

[slightlysuze]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie....congratulations...you are doing a FINE job there....well done! :l

Stay motivated......you are making a massive change for the better in your life and your kids' lives......don't be put off by any negative stuff.....keep going, strong woman!

Suze x

[brooklyngirl]

13 days and no beer!

Sailing in the same boat!

Sherrie , I should be very proud and not disappointed with yourself. I too am 14 day AF, and I know how hard it can be. Beer and Wine was a staple on my shopping list. Take cafre of yourself and your kids will start to understand. Life is hard...you may as well Live Happy. Great Job being AF keep on keeping on.:new:

[brooklyngirl]

13 days and no beer!

Sailing in the same boat!

Sherrie ,you should be very proud and not disappointed with yourself. I too am 14 day AF, and I know how hard it can be. Beer and Wine was a staple on my shopping list. Take cafre of yourself and your kids will start to understand. Life is hard...you may as well Live Happy. Great Job being AF keep on keeping on.:new:

[brooklyngirl]

13 days and no beer!

Sailing in the same boat

Congratulations Sherrie, I:new: have been AF for 14 days. Sherrie you should be very proud of yourself. It sounds like your on your way to a great place. I'm sure your a great mom and your children know it. They are quick to judge us(moms) because unfortunately we have protected them by always putting up our guard. When we drink we let the guard down and become easy targets for their anger. Keep up the good work. I hope I can too. Lets face it we have alot to live for.:new:

[livingfree]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie - your story really hit home with me also. Beer was my choice also. Your morning drinking habits were exactly what mine were. Thank you Thankful for the advice on the coffee. That made so much sense to me - as I would drain cups and cups and then reach for the beer. I am down to 1 cup a day, but didn't think about the connection. Sherrie - I am 34 days AF - and I am just starting the supps, meds next week. I've been doing the CD's and that really is helping. This board is a fantastic place to share, vent, learn and grow. I know we'll be hearing lots from you - keep coming back and loads of love to you!

Liv