13 days and no beer!

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

13 days and no beer!

Thankful;265272 wrote: As far as the kids are concerned, they have every right to feel the way they do. They do not have the right to abuse you. Not just because you are their mother. It's because you are a human being, and decent people do not abuse others, no matter how much they themselves hurt. Don't feel like you don't have a right to correct them because you are under the sad assumption that you deserve this treatment. You don't!! To let them behave this way, gives them permission to be this way with anybody and everybody that upsets them. This will only hurt themselves and their future relationships in the long run.

I agree with that you need to sit down with your kids and have a true heart to heart. They first need to be educated on the diease. If they don't understand it, they won't understand you. Secondly, it's ok to tell them that they don't need to praise you, but you can not tolerate them sabatoging you either. Let them know you are doing your best, you are making great efforts at being a better mom and person, and that their support would be appreciated. Tell them you are sorry they've been hurt by alcohol, but that you have been hurt by their words and actions. Today is a new day for the three of you and it's time to make a pact to stop all that hurting. Tell them to ease up and give you time to make things better. I can not stress enough that they need to be educated on the diease. Print things off the computer if you have to. Get pamphlets, anything.

Good luck to all of you. Please keep us "posted" on your progress.

Love, Me
:l

Hi Sherri- nice to meet you-

Thankful, your advice is spot on.

The one thing I'd like to add is about the GUILT that you may be tormenting yourself with.... for me, I haunted myself with the "woulda-coulda-shoulda's".... and I KNEW that I failed my kids. My oldest girls are 17 and 20, and my 17 year old was my snotty one. Maybe she was so used to being disappointed that she figured, "why bother?"

Time has been my friend- it has proven to my daughter that I can do this.

Sherri, we cannot change the past. It's gone forever. Guilt does nothing~ but if it IS there, use it to strengthen your resolve to keep the future bright. :specs:

Much love,

[Ripple]

13 days and no beer!

God damn it sherrrie when i read your post i started laughing. The wording was like a story i heard before. You said it the way it was....not making fun of you. You're a strong person... sounds like it to me and witty, here is the place to help work some of your problems out. It helps me and we are all here to help you.

Luv Ripple~
:l

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Update

Thanks for all of the posts...

is how my weekend played out?I didn?t have the kids for the weekend (a major miracle?never happens)! So, I had plans to go to my boyfriend?s house after work. I even left an hour early from work. Our plan was to either watch movies in or go to movies. Before I left work he said he wanted to stay in and watch, which was fine with me. Anyway, I get to his house at 5:15 and I could tell he was kind of buzzed. He tells me later that he went to a local pub and had pizza and a few beers, then came home and had a few drinks. All before I got there?so I get there and he basically wants to take a nap and never really wakes up for the night?I wasn?t thrilled at all and my feelings were very, very hurt. On Saturday I had to attend my daughter?s cheerleading competition and then he had reserved a hotel room for us to hang out in and use the pool, hot tub, etc. I told him that I thought Friday night was pretty rude. I guess I also have to add that the Friday before that we went to an outdoor ice festival and he suggested we go into a restaurant/bar to warm up?he tells me that since I hadn?t had any beer all week that we will go in and have one..I said I wasn?t having anything?so he orders a beer and I sit there. I was pretty pissed off and was wondering if he was doing this to get back at me for some of my bad behavior when I drank too much. We leave there and go to another restaurant, but were seated in the bar area because he smokes. He orders a beer and me iced tea. I have to say that I was very uncomfortable and totally hurt by the whole situation.

So, then on Saturday, I was thinking that I have been doing really great AF, so maybe I will modify my plan. I really don?t want to totally quit anyway. I want to be a regular person that can go to an event or out for the evening and just have a few. So we get to the hotel and I say that maybe I will have a couple drinks every now and then?I could tell he was happy about it?so I had 2 glasses of wine on Saturday night. I drank it very slow and even left some in my glass at the end of the night?I haven?t even rec?d my Topamax yet, so I did this all on my own?so there is my update.

Thanks for the input on coffee being a trigger, but actually I think my coffee beer routine was a habit, not a trigger. I drink coffee all day at work and never think of having a beer.

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

13 days and no beer!


Sherrie-
Congrats on moderating on Saturday night, and consciously sipping the wine. I'm not judging you, but I'm worried about your success- not because of YOU, but because your boyfriend isn't really supporting you.... let me get this straight:

One week ago, Friday:

...the Friday before that we went to an outdoor ice festival and he suggested we go into a restaurant/bar to warm up…he tells me that since I hadn’t had any beer all week that we will go in and have one..I said I wasn’t having anything…so he orders a beer and I sit there. Was he trying to offer you a beer as a reward for your good behavior?

Friday:

Anyway, I get to his house at 5:15 and I could tell he was kind of buzzed. He tells me later that he went to a local pub and had pizza and a few beers, then came home and had a few drinks. All before I got there…so I get there and he basically wants to take a nap and never really wakes up for the night…I wasn’t thrilled at all and my feelings were very, very hurt.... Of course your feelings were hurt, and rightfully so! This is your second weekend to stay alcohol free- and rather than support your decision, your boyfriend catches a buzz and takes a nap/passes out for the night. YEE HAW. Just like you envisioned, right? Wouldn't it have been wonderful if he had prepared a romantic candlelight dinner, complete with candles and soft music... a steaming hot bubble bath for two.... and sweet nothings whispered into your ear about how proud he was of your success? No- instead, Friday is pass out night.

Saturday: I was thinking that I have been doing really great AF, so maybe I will modify my plan. I really don’t want to totally quit anyway. I want to be a regular person that can go to an event or out for the evening and just have a few. So we get to the hotel and I say that maybe I will have a couple drinks every now and then…I could tell he was happy about it…so I had 2 glasses of wine on Saturday night

.

Sherrie, I think 75% of people here share your sentiments- we dream for moderation. I cannot think today that I will NEVER drink again, or I'll convince myself that I can control alcohol, and I can drink just one or two. Alcohol is ingrained into our society. The funniest Superbowl ads, the beautiful bottles, the lure of romanticism.... cool, refreshing, beer. And when we've been away from alcohol for a while, we remember the good and forget the bad.

I now you are trying to juggle life- being the primary caretaker for your two kids.... working..... working on your relationship with your boyfriend.... but Sherrie, is this the same guy that broke up with you in December because he was sick and tired of your drunk actions- the ones you couldn't remember in the morning? Why is he sabotaging your efforts to get better? What about your 14 year old daughter, the one full of bitterness that's hoping that you'll forget about the booze?

I guess my low came a few weeks ago when I was so drunk on a Thursday night that I tripped over a rug and fell into the TV. I hit right above my eye...blood everywhere and the next day I woke up with a huge black eye...During all of this my 14 yr old daughter and 10 year old son knew exactly what happened...not so good.

This is the what worries me, Sherrie. Do you know, deep down in your heart, that this won't happen again?

You went 13+ days alcohol free. That is an AWESOME accomplishment that you MUST be proud of~ there are people here that are struggling just to string together three or four days, and I'm not trying to take away from that success. And, I'm not the expert here, either- I'm only slightly ahead of you with 60 days alcohol free. I'm just another woman/mom/wife/employee with a problem. But people here who have been successful moderating say to keep sober for at least 30 days, and some even recommend 90 days of sobriety. Then, YOU are the one making the decision to drink or not to drink. Not "Al". Not boyfriend.

Please stay close, Sherrie. I see strong parallels between your story and mine, but you were the wiser one and caught on to your problem before I did. Stay strong. Be true to Sherrie. :heart:

Much love,

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Thanks for the post Patty

Thanks for your input Patty. I "get" everything that you are telling me. I can really say that I wasn't all that PROUD that I went over 2 weeks AF...I am feeling pretty down on myself for having the problem to begin with. I agree, that the boyfriend isn't being supportive at all. Actually in December I broke up with him. Obviously we were having problems and part of the problem is me being too talkative and touchy feely with people when we are out and I drank too much.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty down so far this week for many reasons. I am proud of myself that I sipped the wine, declined refills and left some wine in my glass. That NEVER happened before. I don't have my Topamax yet, so don't know if it was with the help of the Kudzu and other supplements or plain old will power!

Thank again for caring Patty

[Not Happy Hour-Happy Life]

13 days and no beer!

Sherrie- Why shouldn't you be PROUD??? Because if you are proud, that means that it's an "ACCOMPLISHMENT" for something that is considered by normal people as "no big deal"? Having an alcohol problem is NOT a character flaw... Beatle posted a thread today, "How to Change Your Brain" which addresses the brain biochemistry better than I can.

All the depression, anxiety, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, panic, and fear are caused by disorders of brain chemistry, or neurotransmitter disorders. Alcoholics did not become heavy drinkers ?because? they were depressed. They are depressed ?because? they have the illness of alcoholism. This point is critical to understand so that: 1) you don't blame your illness on your psychological weaknesses or poor will power, and 2) you realize that by healing brain chemistry and much more, you can be cured of most of your mental/emotional problems?or all of them.
We need to fix neurotransmitters first. Problems with brain chemistry are why you drink, why you have problems with mood, sleep, cognitive functioning, and why you became addicted to alcohol.

So, if it's truly brain biochemistry, and we are aware of it~ we can change it, right? We are all struggling on this journey- on our own, but yet, together. I'm sorry if you are having a blah week.... I certainly didn't want to add to it! I care. :flower:

[cpn1004]

13 days and no beer!

Patty, great information. Thanks for posting that.
Phil

[sherrie]

13 days and no beer!

Patty,

You definintely did not add to my blah week! I really appreciate all of the input...that's why I'm here and that's why I gave my weekend update. I really don't have anyone to talk to any of this about. Like a lot of people who abuse alcohol...dysfunctional family...dad left the family when I was a kid, doesn't speak to us, mom was never the best (did her best I guess). My mom has never helped and I would never confide anything in her...actually she would probably talk about me to my daughter. So, I am here on this board to share and read about others dealing with the same problems that I have.:thanks:

I guess deep down I am proud of myself. I am very, very critical of myself. I know that I have accomplished something in not drinking for over 2 weeks. Some people can't do that so it is something to be proud of!!! Thanks again Patty.