I've been away for a long time...Hello again!!

[hope365]

Hello Everyone!!

I just thought I'd check in after what I think has been about a year and a half...maybe almost two!!! I have been doing really really well. Was up to 200mg topa than tapered down to 100 where I am now. I haven't had a black out or a hangover in over a year. New Years Eve 2006 to be exact. I haven't even been tipsy! I can successfully have a glass or two of wine or a martini now and then and not desire any more. I no longer listen to the CD's.

Something strange is now happening to me though...old feelings and thoughts of drinking seem to be creeping back in lately. I've been really depressed and I can't put my finger on anything that should be causing it. Nothing has changed in my life. I'm on wellbutrin, have been for several years. I'm seriously concerned. I find myself thinking about drinking a lot lately, even in the early afternoon. I haven't done it, but the thoughts are scaring me to death! I just ordered some more Topamax online so I can dose up.

Any thoughts??? I figured I could use a little support from some old friends...:h

Many Hugs,
Hope

[Accountable for Me]

I've been away for a long time...Hello again!!

Hope, it sounds like 'complacency' to me. Maybe pick up a new hobby?

Thinking of you, and welcome back!

[paula]

I've been away for a long time...Hello again!!

Hello Hope and welcome back. You have come to the right place, if you feel like drinking
just log on to this site . I think it is so easy to become complacent when we haven't drank for a while. Remember you are feeling like drinking, not actually drinking. So as long has it remains in your mind, it's ok. Try and talk yourself out of it, or log on to mwo, go for a walk anything that takes your mind off al.
Best wishes Paula.

[paula]

I've been away for a long time...Hello again!!

AC Great minds think alike. I was sending my message at the same time as you.!!

[hippie37]

I've been away for a long time...Hello again!!

Hiya Hope!

I think depression may have a more significant role to play in your thoughts of drinking at the moment hope. But I'm no medical expert I can only give you insight relating to my own personal experiences. I've always found myself that with depression comes boredom and it's it a bit like a catch 22 where the depression seems to be hanging about like a bad smell and being unable to raise your spirits to do anything brings out the boredom and the fatigue and the so on and so forth. I think it is amazing though what you have achieved so far. I had thought, only recently to be honest, that maybe my way of thinking was changing towards alcohol and maybe I did have more control than I did 6 months ago. Boy was I wrong!!. I am just one of those people who cannot drink sensibly unlike yourself. Have you ever looked into CBT ( Cognitive Behavioral Therapy!). I'm just starting out on this myself so have no personal wisdom apart from what I've read but it sounds perfect for managing those thoughts and how we act upon them. Google CBT and have a read if your interested. i'm starting a course in the UK (not sure where you are from hope!) called 'beating the blues' which is designed to help manage depression/anxiety/stress/ etc better.

At the moment it sounds like you haven't acted upon those 'drinking' thoughts yet but I do know how difficult it can be and just how easy it can be to say 'sod it! I'll have a drink!. It is tiring at times as well when you have to be so vigilant with ones own thoughts and how they will effect your actions.

Be positive and maybe try and get to the root of why you are feeling so depressed of late. find any triggers that may of influenced you to feel this way also. I think being complacent would be if you were to just brush this off as a 'phase' and not tackle it though.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[hope365]

I've been away for a long time...Hello again!!

Hi Hippie,

Yes...I believe it is depression. I looked up CBT online. I think it sounds very much like what I have studied in "The Battlefield of the Mind" book by Joyce Meyer. I have some significant changes around here that I thought would not make much difference but I guess have taken more out of me. My fourth grade daughter got expelled from her private school just before Christmas break and I am now home schooling her for the rest of the year. She will be allowed to go back next fall. It totally sucks having that responsibility even though I'm a certified teacher. All three of my other children still attend the private school every day so I'm up an off by 5:30am then home to take care of Jen all day. My life is totally on hold for the next 4 months and I am NEVER alone. I do have the option of putting her in public school, but she has bi-polar disorder, severe depressive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder AND was now just diagnosed with compulsive anxiety disorder. I didn't even know that exsisted. I just don't want her in the public school system with all those labels. In the Private Christian school environment they will take care of her spiritually rather that just stick her in special ed labeled as Emotionally Disturbed. Anyway....I guess I could make my life a lot better for myself if I wanted. I just can't do it to her. On top of that I also work from home so I have to keep up with my job too. UGGG...I would love for everyone to just go away for about a week so I could crawl in bed and stay there! Then I could get up and CLEAN my house up! My husband just says he's sorry all the time and tries to help best as he can but he really doesn't understand.

Well...time will keep marching on and hopefully this too shall pass. Depression is a killer. I will try the CBT thing. Thanks so much for the tip. Oh I'm from Texas by the way...

Have a good day!!
Hope