This is something I have wanted to write for some time, so here goes!
In September 2007, I decided that it was crucial for me to stop drinking so I embarked on a 30 day period of AF. The 30 days became 60 and I kept right on going until I had notched up more than 100 days, in fact I had nearly 4 months without alcohol. To put this in its rightful context, my life had been governed by alcohol for the previous 35 years. Okay, I had not been a heavy drinker for all of those years, but I drank enough. More than enough. A lot has already been written here about the descent into that dark hole, so I am not going to go there. Instead the purpose of this post is to share my AF experiences with everyone here at MWO.
I had done some periods of AF before coming here, but this felt different. It came after a big health scare in the summer, not necessarily related to alcohol consumption, but scary enough to make me take stock and appraise my lifestyle. The result of that evaluation showed all too clearly that I had to kick the drinking habit, so deeply embedded in my day to day existence. My back was to the wall.
So, being me, I chose to go cold turkey and I chose the hardest way possible to woman! I went on an extreme detox. To say the first month of AF was hard is, my friends, an understatement. It was excruciating but I am a stubborn individual, and once I had made up my mind, that was it, this was my way out. So I did it with the help of a totally healthy diet and Solgar mutivits, and of course I spent a lot of time here at MWO! That was it for me, as well as a determined mindset. I persuaded myself I had no other choice, this was life or death in all its definition. If I continued drinking habitually and mindlessly, I might as well be dead. If I continued drinking in this way, I would die prematurely and probably slowly and nastily.
So I wrestled with the downsides of the early stages of AF, rested through the constant tiredness, rode the swell and bursts of anger that visited unexpectedly and all too often, eschewed those friends who drank and banned alcohol from my home for 30 days. My husband knew in his heart this was the only way forward for me, but that does not mean it was easy for us as a couple. It was actually impossible at times and as he continued to drink, he did so privately until the day dawned that I was okay around people drinking alcohol. So the impossible became possible once more. I began to explore the notion of moderate drinking, whilst staying firmly AF. Because after 30 days, boy does it get easier! The fact that I no longer thought about ?needing? a drink coupled with a palpable fear of slipping back into my old ways kept me going for another 30 days. 60 days! I then read somewhere on MWO (thank you so much, whoever you are!) that after 90 days, your body is free of alcohol. I had a month before Christmas, I felt strong, I had the support here at MWO, I still had The Fear, so?..I got there! 90 days. And still enough time before the festive season to chalk up 100.
100+ days AF. When I got there, I looked back from within new self, complete with changed body chemistry and then and only then, did I feel really really proud of myself. I loved reaching 30 days, it felt amazing, I was reborn. But this was different. I was changed forever.
What came next? A return to drinking came next, and this is really why I am telling my story. I was terrified. With my track record, could I moderate? It looked highly unlikely. So, I devised a plan. The moment I felt that I was returning to my old ways, making one bottle of wine insufficient and cracking open a second bottle, I would stop and go straight back to AF. I would do this at the first warning sign. End of story.
Not quite. I drank over Christmas and it was fine. I stayed sober and drank little in comparison to my previous drinking lifestyle. I enjoyed drinking, as I made sure I kept away from cheap chemical ridden wines. I actually tasted the wine and had respect for it. Yes! This was how I wanted things to be. After about a month of drinking, it got to mid-January, and I had nagging thoughts. Not enough AF days. Intake creeping up, still manageable, but worrying.
So I planned to stop and on Monday Jan 21, I posted my plan. I was going AF for 30 days minimum. On the same Monday at work, we were given notice that we were being inspected on Thurs of the same week. It was like a bombshell and took us all by surprise. We were forced to work overtime and you could have scooped the tension off the walls and eaten it with a spoon. It was a truly horrible week. So, how did this effect my new resolve, my plan to go AF? On the Monday, I did not drink. On the Tuesday I did not drink. On the Wednesday I drank. Thursday I drank. Friday I drank. Saturday? Yep, I drank. Sunday? I drank.
On Monday, life had returned to normal. We came out of the inspection with flying colours. I returned to my plan on Monday 28 January and have been AF ever since.
And this is the other reason why I write to you today.
When you commit yourself to AF-and you have to give yourself to it body and soul, 100%-I really recommend staying AF for as long as you possibly can, first time around. This is my second time AF and this is how it is for me:
I do not drink. It is as simple as that.
I do not count the days.
I eat a lot!
I drink water all the time.
I rest a lot.
I work hard.
I play hard.
My brain is sharp.
I achieve much more.
I demand much more, from myself, from others.
My emotions are steady.
I am happy most of the time.
I do not count the days.
I live life to the full.
I love life.
I am confident.
I love people and make new friends all the time.
I am no longer dead.
I am alive.
Those few who know me very well say they admire me for my determination to kick the habit of heavy daily drinking and support me all the way. To tell you the truth, I am now proud of myself and have never been happier inside my own skin. I have found the courage to stand up and be counted as a fully functioning human being and I am grabbing the most amazing opportunities.I look better-some kind souls say I look 10 years younger! I feel immensely better. It is like another person has taken control of my life and that person is the real me! I have experienced this and it is better than I ever thought possible. To go back to my former self would be intolerable. I will be vigilant and I will be strong.
Will I drink again? Good question. I am committed to AF until I get through an emotional journey to the West of Ireland in early March. I need all the strength I can muster for that particular journey. That said, I might make an exception and share a bottle of champagne with my husband on Valentine?s Day. We have grown closer since my transformation, although he freely admits he is jealous of my successes of late! And there again, I might not drink on Valentine?s Day. It?s my choice, my decision after all, when all is said and done. On thing I know for certain. From now on, I will continue to dedicate myself to my new habit- daily reinforcing the belief that my life will be governed by regular long stretches of AF and not controlled by daily doses of alcohol. I am going to hijack and haunt my thoughts! The re-programming is ongoing. No room for complacency in this house.
My ultimate goal has already been defined here at MWO. Whoever said, "I am a non-drinker who enjoys a drink sometimes"-I'm with you, that too is my goal, thank you for giving me the words.
I wish you all well from the bottom of my heart.
I am living proof that the absolutely impossible is actually possible!
Once again, please don't think I am complacent about all this, I know how hard it is to get to this better place, this special sunny garden of sobriety. It is a walled garden and I know how vigilant and mindful I need to be to stay within its walls.
,
Could I have done this without MWO?
Happily, the answer is irrelevant. I did it and I did it with the amazing people here at MWO.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for making this possible.
I love you all.
:h Anna:h
In September 2007, I decided that it was crucial for me to stop drinking so I embarked on a 30 day period of AF. The 30 days became 60 and I kept right on going until I had notched up more than 100 days, in fact I had nearly 4 months without alcohol. To put this in its rightful context, my life had been governed by alcohol for the previous 35 years. Okay, I had not been a heavy drinker for all of those years, but I drank enough. More than enough. A lot has already been written here about the descent into that dark hole, so I am not going to go there. Instead the purpose of this post is to share my AF experiences with everyone here at MWO.
I had done some periods of AF before coming here, but this felt different. It came after a big health scare in the summer, not necessarily related to alcohol consumption, but scary enough to make me take stock and appraise my lifestyle. The result of that evaluation showed all too clearly that I had to kick the drinking habit, so deeply embedded in my day to day existence. My back was to the wall.
So, being me, I chose to go cold turkey and I chose the hardest way possible to woman! I went on an extreme detox. To say the first month of AF was hard is, my friends, an understatement. It was excruciating but I am a stubborn individual, and once I had made up my mind, that was it, this was my way out. So I did it with the help of a totally healthy diet and Solgar mutivits, and of course I spent a lot of time here at MWO! That was it for me, as well as a determined mindset. I persuaded myself I had no other choice, this was life or death in all its definition. If I continued drinking habitually and mindlessly, I might as well be dead. If I continued drinking in this way, I would die prematurely and probably slowly and nastily.
So I wrestled with the downsides of the early stages of AF, rested through the constant tiredness, rode the swell and bursts of anger that visited unexpectedly and all too often, eschewed those friends who drank and banned alcohol from my home for 30 days. My husband knew in his heart this was the only way forward for me, but that does not mean it was easy for us as a couple. It was actually impossible at times and as he continued to drink, he did so privately until the day dawned that I was okay around people drinking alcohol. So the impossible became possible once more. I began to explore the notion of moderate drinking, whilst staying firmly AF. Because after 30 days, boy does it get easier! The fact that I no longer thought about ?needing? a drink coupled with a palpable fear of slipping back into my old ways kept me going for another 30 days. 60 days! I then read somewhere on MWO (thank you so much, whoever you are!) that after 90 days, your body is free of alcohol. I had a month before Christmas, I felt strong, I had the support here at MWO, I still had The Fear, so?..I got there! 90 days. And still enough time before the festive season to chalk up 100.
100+ days AF. When I got there, I looked back from within new self, complete with changed body chemistry and then and only then, did I feel really really proud of myself. I loved reaching 30 days, it felt amazing, I was reborn. But this was different. I was changed forever.
What came next? A return to drinking came next, and this is really why I am telling my story. I was terrified. With my track record, could I moderate? It looked highly unlikely. So, I devised a plan. The moment I felt that I was returning to my old ways, making one bottle of wine insufficient and cracking open a second bottle, I would stop and go straight back to AF. I would do this at the first warning sign. End of story.
Not quite. I drank over Christmas and it was fine. I stayed sober and drank little in comparison to my previous drinking lifestyle. I enjoyed drinking, as I made sure I kept away from cheap chemical ridden wines. I actually tasted the wine and had respect for it. Yes! This was how I wanted things to be. After about a month of drinking, it got to mid-January, and I had nagging thoughts. Not enough AF days. Intake creeping up, still manageable, but worrying.
So I planned to stop and on Monday Jan 21, I posted my plan. I was going AF for 30 days minimum. On the same Monday at work, we were given notice that we were being inspected on Thurs of the same week. It was like a bombshell and took us all by surprise. We were forced to work overtime and you could have scooped the tension off the walls and eaten it with a spoon. It was a truly horrible week. So, how did this effect my new resolve, my plan to go AF? On the Monday, I did not drink. On the Tuesday I did not drink. On the Wednesday I drank. Thursday I drank. Friday I drank. Saturday? Yep, I drank. Sunday? I drank.
On Monday, life had returned to normal. We came out of the inspection with flying colours. I returned to my plan on Monday 28 January and have been AF ever since.
And this is the other reason why I write to you today.
When you commit yourself to AF-and you have to give yourself to it body and soul, 100%-I really recommend staying AF for as long as you possibly can, first time around. This is my second time AF and this is how it is for me:
I do not drink. It is as simple as that.
I do not count the days.
I eat a lot!
I drink water all the time.
I rest a lot.
I work hard.
I play hard.
My brain is sharp.
I achieve much more.
I demand much more, from myself, from others.
My emotions are steady.
I am happy most of the time.
I do not count the days.
I live life to the full.
I love life.
I am confident.
I love people and make new friends all the time.
I am no longer dead.
I am alive.
Those few who know me very well say they admire me for my determination to kick the habit of heavy daily drinking and support me all the way. To tell you the truth, I am now proud of myself and have never been happier inside my own skin. I have found the courage to stand up and be counted as a fully functioning human being and I am grabbing the most amazing opportunities.I look better-some kind souls say I look 10 years younger! I feel immensely better. It is like another person has taken control of my life and that person is the real me! I have experienced this and it is better than I ever thought possible. To go back to my former self would be intolerable. I will be vigilant and I will be strong.
Will I drink again? Good question. I am committed to AF until I get through an emotional journey to the West of Ireland in early March. I need all the strength I can muster for that particular journey. That said, I might make an exception and share a bottle of champagne with my husband on Valentine?s Day. We have grown closer since my transformation, although he freely admits he is jealous of my successes of late! And there again, I might not drink on Valentine?s Day. It?s my choice, my decision after all, when all is said and done. On thing I know for certain. From now on, I will continue to dedicate myself to my new habit- daily reinforcing the belief that my life will be governed by regular long stretches of AF and not controlled by daily doses of alcohol. I am going to hijack and haunt my thoughts! The re-programming is ongoing. No room for complacency in this house.
My ultimate goal has already been defined here at MWO. Whoever said, "I am a non-drinker who enjoys a drink sometimes"-I'm with you, that too is my goal, thank you for giving me the words.
I wish you all well from the bottom of my heart.
I am living proof that the absolutely impossible is actually possible!
Once again, please don't think I am complacent about all this, I know how hard it is to get to this better place, this special sunny garden of sobriety. It is a walled garden and I know how vigilant and mindful I need to be to stay within its walls.
,
Could I have done this without MWO?
Happily, the answer is irrelevant. I did it and I did it with the amazing people here at MWO.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for making this possible.
I love you all.
:h Anna:h
c: :heart:
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