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[onthegrand]

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Incredible story!

You are so incredibly inspiring. I hope to one day be able to accomplish what you have!!! Kudos to you!!!

[greeneyes]

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incredible and so inspiring. you cannot imagien how that affected me. Thank you

[tlrgs]

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hi there ..anna..that was awsome. that shows me that iam on the right path. thank you for sharing

[Sunbeam]

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Inspriation

:thanks: :goodjob: :new: I'm af 14 days.
I hope that I will be able to follow your path. My past attempts at cutting back have not been successful, so now I'm hoping that in the future I can enjoy one glass with my husband out to dinner. If I drink at home, it is too easy to get more. This forum really helps, and I'm finding the Carr EasyWay book helpful in debunking some elements of the craving.

[LindZee]

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Anna, I just found your post and wanted to let you know how much you inspire me. Thank you so much for sharing your story:l

LZ

[cpn1004]

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Anna,
Thank you so much for your great words.
It is so inspiring.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[bootcampbarbie]

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that was so very very well put.... and i'm just right there with you. of course a different process so i'm having different things show up but i'm still feeling it right there with you. i am af completely no going back. just staying in the game for the chance to have a life back is so very fragile and i'm so very grateful. thank you anna. i feel that vision/dream board of yours coming on..

[The Londoner]

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Hi

It's just me, Anna saying hullo and thanks to all of you who responded to my thread.
Curiously, I think writing it drained me in some inexplicable way. I think it's because, like a number of people here at MWO, I am quite private and find it hard some times to speak out, at any length, even in a good way. Getting your replies makes me really glad I did.I just felt an amazing collective surge of optimism and hope and friendship amongst us all!

I have been feeling a little bit too human lately, as in feeling a bit down.
I like to think I'm not depressed. I'm not low. I just feel a bit flat, but that's okay. I can deal with that. I can convince myself it's interesting and keeps me well rounded (yeah!) as a person, more human, more able to identify with others. Less boring. Keep talking. Hmmm.

I think this low feeling has been sent to test me! As in, how dare I be happy most of the time! it's just not normal! Think it could be linked to my impending visit to family in Ireland,therefore linked to the sadness and grief and exhaustion I felt during my mother's terminal illness and death a few years back.Also, interestingly, I have got to rid myself of the habit of viewing my relatives in the same way as my mother did, which was in itself sad and depressing as her childhood memories were very unhappy ones.

I think I am feeling apprehensive and uncertain of my emotional strength when it comes to revisiting a place so caught up in my past and seeing the people there for the first time without my mother being there too. I am somehow afraid that it might in some way threaten, albeit temporarily,my stability, my life here in London. Yet clearly it is something I want to, need to do, and I suspect it will surprise me and delight me and be bittersweet.


On a lighter note! From today, I am getting to work on changing the habits that somehow or other may have contributed to my eating way too much and too sweetly over the past weeks. This incessant eating is a recently acquired habit so I hope it will not be impossibily difficult to knock on the head. It feels like continuously feeding an empty insatiable feeling inside, rather than feeding a genuinely empty stomach. Most of the stuff I eat is healthy enough, but that's not the point.

So! I am going to change lots of life habits, not just food habits, little by little on a daily basis, see how it goes! See if it changes me mentally and physically! See if it changes my eating habits.

Starting with changing my MWO habits and exploring areas of MWO I do not visit often. Maybe see you guys around!

:h Anna:l

feeling better already - more like my usual self-I haven't eaten anything in over an hour-what is it about this community?:H

[Sunbeam]

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Hi Anna,
I am glad you are doing well, ready to tackle the food issue many of us create to tackle the alcohol issue. I have really enjoyed the books Volumetrics and Mindless Eating. Not diet books, just better-informed eating. The alcohol has kept me from following their guidance as well as I might.

I feel I am on your path. Currently AF 23 days. My next planned drink is in April, one glass for a special occasion. I hope to keep my drinking to no more than one per month, at least 30 days between. Anything else will creep up, as it has in the past when I have tried to cut back or quit. Maybe I will find myseld quitting completely, as many have said they found easier. We each need to find our own path, often as branches off the paths of others here.

[The Londoner]

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Hi Juliana
and thanks for the book info-I will look out for Volumetrics and Mindless Eating-sounds right up my street! At least this week sees a sea change of sorts-I am only eating (lots of) healthy foods, plenty of fruit and veg, just keeping my mouth busy basically!

I agree with you about the 'only very slightly mods' solution
there is no way that I want to get back into fullblown drinking mode, so at best it's going to be an occasional treat not an ongoing daily occurence or even weekly moderation, that wouldn't work for me-and I'm going to be my own fiercest critic! I feel much more in control, now I'm on my second AF stretch, everything seems possible
thing is, if I commit to regular long periods of AF, seems to me that I will have broken the cycle, the habit of decades of mindless daily drinking and hopefully,with constant vigilance, I can still enjoy a drink from time to time. If not and things spiral or I simply go off the stuff, well that's fine too. I can handle that as and when. Gently does it.

The cleaner and clearer the system, the clearer the brain, the stronger the will!

well done on 23 days! soon be 30 and that will feel extra special!
:h Anna:h

[Thankful]

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Anna, your post is so inspiring. I appreciate the raw honesty. I think I will be refering back to this on my journey.

Thank you for sharing your story. I really needed those words this week.

As far as family goes, well my mom passed away 16 yrs ago even though it seems like only yesterday. She had a very hard childhood and she was bitter about a lot of her relatives. We started having our Irish family reunions about 4 yrs ago. I didn't want go because I knew alot of stories about these people and I could care less about spending time with a lot them. Well, my Aunt talked me into going and I'm glad she did. I even hosted last year's reunion! But the point is there will be people you like and people you don't. I learned that my mother's battles were not mine and that I needed to keep an open mind. Believe me, there are still people I can't stand, but I at least went with an open mind and tried. Avoid who you don't get along with, but please cherish the family that you do. At our first family reunion, we literally gave a speech that we can no longer be the "Hatfields vs McCoys". I hope this helps you. I'm not even sure any of this makes sense. :H

Best of luck to you. I look forward to hear more from you.

Love, Me
:l

[satori]

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Anna,

Thanks for that post!

Just seen it now - I don't get on here as much as I used to / would like to.

Most of what you describe as the benefits of being AF are more or less my experiences too.

The farther I go down the AF path, the more "joy" I seem to get out of ordinary everyday stuff that I would not have even registered during my drinking days.
I too am simply "alive" for the first time in many years!

I am also more "at peace" with myself than I have been for many years.

Long may it continue!

Wishing you continued success on your journey!


Love :l

Satori

xxx

[The Londoner]

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Hi Satori
It is always good to hear from you and I know you are busy, so thanks for dropping by!
I too find it harder to keep up with all that's happening at MWO, partly because the community gets bigger all the time, so there's more postal traffic as it were.


Hi Thankful

We haven't met, but you sure struck a chord! I so agree with you about our parents' views on family not being ours, and there's lots about my maternal family to like, it's just that , given her childhood, mum felt they didn't really give her enough love and attention, especially when she married and moved to the North(of Ireland) and I supported her by listening and agreeing with her,right from I was 10 years old. I made her views "fit" and I let them "stick" to me, until now really. Somewhere in the complexity of family relationships, I feel that I might betray her, if I go over and have a good time. Ridiculous, I know-we used to have such fun together, just the two of us, and i know she'd want me to be happy there. Anyway! My chief problem with all this is the inevitable sadness, for example meeting her lovely brother now in his 90s, who will cry I know when I see him-he is the last living from a family of 14 who lived to adulthood (2 more died as children). Maybe it's time to be Thankful! That I have this family to visit, most of whom are welcoming, the darker element dead and gone. So it will be emotional, but hey I'll get through it! Got my lifelong friend riding shotgun!

Anyway! It is sooo important to stay strong within oneself when the emotional life looks set to be a bit topsy-turvy. I shall work very hard to keep myself removed from being tipsy-teary! Sorry couldn't resist! Alcohol is banned until I return from Ireland . I shall not drink if and when I am upset. When I get back home, with 30 days+ AF under my belt,I shall think about when I might enjoy a drink with my family and friends-and if I do, it's for a short time,then it's back to another long stretch of AF. . That's my life from now on, and it feels doable!

I feel so much happier today. I did some personal filing earlier and organising my paperwork felt so good!

I am eating lighter too, so feeling lighter all round!

Hope everyone is doing good, wherever you are and whatever you're up to!

love to all
:h Anna:h

[livingfree]

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Thank you

I read and re read your post 3 times. I am over 70 days AF and this seals the deal for me. I have been gathering the "can I stay AF" feelings inside like the wind gathering at the 4 corners. Your journey - your "list" and your honesty jump off the page at me.
Thank you so much
Liv

[reichertty]

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Thanks...

...for your story, I only found 2 spelling errors.

Congratulations on all of your successes. 5 months, niiiiice!

I know myself with alcohol. I've been able to talk myself, in the past, into believing that I could just savour that R rated beverage, enjoy it, pair a pinot with my porterhouse (I love alliteration), celebrate with it, keep it under control. Insert obnoxious yeah-right-that-ain't-gonna-happen face here. Turns out I like to celebrate, I REALLY like to celebrate! To quote the great Nacho Libre: "you gotta be kidding me, everything you just said is MY favorite thing to do, every day." Needless to say (but I'm going to say it anyway), it pretty much never worked, not one single time I attempted. Well, the first glass of wine maybe. As soon as that first glass was consumed though, the next three bottles, safe to say, were to get fucked up. THAT pretty much always worked, every single time I attempted.

I've been trying out different AF beers lately and am excited to try the AF wines I've found. I'm finding that I truly do enjoy the taste (or lack thereof in the case of O'Doul's). I don't feel the need to get fucked up. Then again, I'd have to consume buckets full of the junk to even catch a buzz anyway.

That was my only point, I like beer. Pretty anti-climatic, eh?