It's my turn

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Thanks for the encouragement @tlrgs!

Well got through the night OK and already the dreams came back in spades plus it was interesting to feel all the nerves in my body happily firing away unencumbered by the numbing effects of the booze. Today I woke up feeling good and I guess anything will be better than the monster bomb in my head I have been so used to greeting me every morning. Today should be a long tiring day...I am prepared to do battle with the urges and physical effects that await me. For the record I use Valerian root as needed to combat nerves and upset stomach and aspirin for headaches. I take Benadryl to fall asleep.

There is so much for me to do to readjust to an AF lifestyle. I plan to do some Yoga and meditate later tonight...go for another run and play piano again for the first time in a year.

[greeneyes]

It's my turn

Hi 4theboyz, good on ya for pulling up and coming back! Valerian takes a while to get in your system from what I understand and is used more as a constant than as needed. Is that true? You culd add skullcap, passion flower, St. John's Wort to your arsenal for nerves. Ginger for upset stomach. Yoga and meditation sound perfect! Eat well and hydrate! Well.... you know the drill. Best to you!

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Hey there Greeneyes!

Not sure about the accumulating effect of Valerian as it seems to do the trick as needed. But I only take a 1/2 a capsule at a time as I do need to be alert as possible and that is particularly hard in the early days of recovery. Hope to see you around!

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Today went as planned...almost. Had to break the planned day schedule to go to a late meeting and that dragged out the day...it was hot hot HOT on the way home. Stopped to pick up dinner and never before saw how many liquor bottles were in the tiny grocery store. You would think it was a Binney's with all the booze. Got out of there "alive" and well but when I got home I realized how unprepared beverage wise I am so poured a tall ice cold glass of tomato juice....that took off the razors edge I was beginning to feel. I questioned my resolve and why I was doing this.

I had a long list of reminders well rehearsed and made a real nice dinner for the gang. One thing is different than 2 years ago the first time I quit booze...I now have a teenager and a preteen all bringing their life's drama to the table along with a new monster pressure cooker at work. All these added pressures have been building for quite a while now and so has the "need" to numb them every second of my free time. It was either the booze wins and destroys everything I have or I fight back! And I QUIT!! I will win this battle....hell yes I will!

PS...I probably should not have run tonight...I felt I needed it but now I have one hell of a headache! owwww....

[greeneyes]

It's my turn

water, water, water and more water!

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Day 5

Wow!! It's already Friday and it has gone by fast...already at day 5 and it is Friday!!

HS! FRIDAY!! Fortunately, if I imagine sipping Vodka it is a hot vile taste I imagine but that doesn't diminish the lure of every liquor store I pass. It doesn't make that one wine bottle I know is in the dinning room for guests less demanding. Sure I could have that one glass of wine, enjoy it and probably be strong enough to fight off another glass. Last weekend a bottle of wine would have been a warm up to 5 martinis and another before bed. And tomorrow is Saturday where a vodka and orange juice before everyone woke up would have been my wake up for a long day of drinking.

No, now is not the time to break the chain that binds me to becoming AF and reconnected to myself to my inner soul that has been burned numb by the constant onslaught of booze. I am enjoying the crazy uncertainty of being sober...I recognize the roller-coaster scatterbrain, which-way-is-up haze that not drinking will bring. It helps me take it easy as I need to exert more energy to staying on task but in the end I am here sorting things out...one day at a time!

[Doggygirl]

It's my turn

Welcome back 4tbz! Hang in there.

DG

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Doggygirl;923595 wrote: Welcome back 4tbz! Hang in there.

DG

Thanks again DG!! I am hangin in there...not been easy but I am happy I am as you say...hangin in there. I am happy to see you going so strong yourself!! True inspiration!!

[greeneyes]

It's my turn

4tbz, there have been some killers posts lately and I wanted to point to them in case they passed you by. Look at sheri's profile and click on "all posts by sheri" - she's got some things from spiritualriver.com that are wonderful.

[Sunbeam]

It's my turn

Hey Boyz,
Welcome back! How are those boys? You sound strong, I hope that this time is the charm for you. I remember how helpful you found yoga, and hope you can get back there soon.

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Sunbeam;924112 wrote: Hey Boyz,
Welcome back! How are those boys? You sound strong, I hope that this time is the charm for you. I remember how helpful you found yoga, and hope you can get back there soon.

Hello Sunbeam...I am glad I am back again...really am! The boyz are wonderful and yoga and meditation are rebuilding a strong foundation for me to move forward. It has been hard...real hard especially this first weekend. I am tired but hopeful. Thanks for your words of encouragement...I needed them...A LOT!!

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

greeneyes;923895 wrote: 4tbz, there have been some killers posts lately and I wanted to point to them in case they passed you by. Look at sheri's profile and click on "all posts by sheri" - she's got some things from spiritualriver.com that are wonderful.

I took a peek and thanks as always for your care and concern. You are all the others here are the reason I have chosen this to be my retreat to heal my heart and soul! Thanks so much!:l

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

Day 7

Today has been the toughest day yet in terms of urges and breaking old habits. Sunday mornings I was almost always legally drunk by noon even though you might know it by looking at me...smelling my breath yes but I got along quite well which is why this is so hard for me. It has been nice waking up not feeling like I was hit by a convoy...but with the clean feeling came the urges to get high on booze. Thankfully I have a good desire to stop this addiction and a lot at stake that I need to stay sober to deal with. I feel dizzy today and frustrated by the constant onslaught of desire to drink. I feel I am winning that battle by keeping busy. I have got more done in one week than I have in 3 months! YAY!!

Anyway, I am also getting frustrated by little things and have learned to walk away from them and make amends later as to go toe to toe with little things is a trigger and a half for me. Anyway off to the store to get lots of good non alcoholic drinks and juices to carry me through the next very important AF week! Best to all!!

4tb

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

I made it full circle one week with no booze! Yay! I so forgot what everyday booze drinking can do to your state of mind. Being in a fog does not even begin to describe it! Yikes, I never want to go back to being a zombie chained to a bottle ever again.

No it has not been easy...at times felt like I was being punished by not being able to have just one drink. Staying active has been key to avoiding the traps of boredom which almost always was a good enough reason to have a nice tall glass of straight vodka...warm. I know I am not out of the woods but I already have shed the bloat that booze brings to your body. I like that I look so much healthier, I feel a lot more rested than I have since the last time I quit.

I am taking stock in these little victories so I hope to remember them when faced with the next urge to drink and I am coming to terms with the reality that I will always miss and want to drink, I just have to rise above those urges and recognize my reality and that booze and I just do not mix.

[ready2change]

It's my turn

Good job 4theboyz! I'm right there with you! Thinking there is ANYTHING positive about drinking is insanity in my book, yet mind mind is always trying to tell me otherwise.

Glad your back, I have always enjoyed following your progress. So onward with your progress!

R2C