It's my turn

[Supercrew]

It's my turn

4theboyz;1353861 wrote: My drinking or abuse of alcohol was a solitary endeavor. Taking a drink is never an accident. It is always a choice.

I would consider myself a masochist when it came to my addictive drinking, but I'm not sure whether I could force myself to drink again.

If you were alone, and you know it's your choice and you know the outcome what is the purpose? I'm not faulting you, because I did it many times, but if you planned it what were you trying to accomplish? Obviously your mind wasn't on your kids.

I feel for you man, but I am so far removed from it now it doesn't make sense to me anymore.

[Sunbeam]

It's my turn

Boyz, many here and many who don't post here anymore understand that many who don't want to drink keep drinking. It is because you are addicted, simple as that. I think you mentioned that it is time you stopped analyzing your reasons. You have spent a lot of time on that road, it is time to try a new road. Go to the Tool Box and pick some strategies. Start posting on a thread so you have a supportive group. I'm sure you weren't trying to accomplish anything by drinking, you just wanted to drink.

[Supercrew]

It's my turn

That's sort of what I was getting at Sunbeam. Just wanting a drink shouldn't be enough anymore. It takes daily action towards my recovery to stay clear of drinking. That's why I still check this forum...just to make sure I am in the right frame of mind.

He obviously thought through the drink and decided it would be a good idea. He made a choice. If he were new to the forum or new to recovery I would understand a little more, but he is not. That why I wanted to see if I could learn anything from his experience. Because I don't want it to sneak up on me.

I assumed he was staying active in his recovery, but obviously he just comes here when times are tough. I feel bad for him, but at some point the person with the problem has to make a commitment to fix it.

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

The general consensus from doctors, AA and myself included is that I drink to erase stress and self-medicate using vodka. Since Sunday I have taken inventory of all the things that I felt stress from and there are many. I have done this before and like an over stuffed closet it can seem overwhelming.

But this time I did something else. I looked at each perceived stressor and asked myself "why does this stress me so"? For the first time in my life I could not find a real outside reason why this was? In each case I looked at what it was I "thought" was the reason and upon a closer look it really came down to a choice in the matter. In each and everyone...I chose to let it stress me. I chose to put that thing in the stress category as opposed to dealing with the reality of it's role in my life. I have to work...but I don't have to let it stress me out. Been doing it for so long...nothing really changes and it is all up to me to see the value in working instead of allowing it to assume the role of a stressful activity in my life.

Same with people in my life. They are always going to say things, do things, ask or even demand things from me. This is all very stressful.....*IF* I allow it to be. I used to say bring it on...pile it on...I can take it...I have my vodka to make it all doable. That was the easy way to deal with it. Liquid excuses to make these things easier to deal with.

But it does not have to be that way. I have realized that something is stressful in my life only if I choose to let it be that way. Bad things happen and this too shall pass.

I have chosen to be more mindful of the now...this moment I am living and experiencing. It is a wonderful moment if I choose to see, feel, smell and embrace the good that is in this very moment. I really don't need vodka to help me do this...in fact the vodka would simply overtake this sensation and replace it with a numb sensation and erase any real experience of this moment. I have to keep doing this each and every second I live and I am determined to do this and never let vodka steal another second of my life from me.

[Supercrew]

It's my turn

Awesome post!! I had a similar experience, although not through AA or doctors. I realized that Monday happens and it's going to come once a week no matter how I try to hide from it. So instead of hiding from Monday, or certain people, problems, or situations, I try to embrace them and not let them affect me negatively. Much easier said than done, but over time it became very doable. Stressing on things that I can't control serves no purpose other than making me feel bad. Basically I am learning to deal with the shit in my life, and not take it too seriously, because it has always been there and it is never as bad as it seems to be. Basically I always get through it. Thank you again for the great post!

[mauritiusdodo]

It's my turn

4theboyz;1354628 wrote: The general consensus from doctors, AA and myself included is that I drink to erase stress and self-medicate using vodka. Since Sunday I have taken inventory of all the things that I felt stress from and there are many. I have done this before and like an over stuffed closet it can seem overwhelming.

But this time I did something else. I looked at each perceived stressor and asked myself "why does this stress me so"? For the first time in my life I could not find a real outside reason why this was? In each case I looked at what it was I "thought" was the reason and upon a closer look it really came down to a choice in the matter. In each and everyone...I chose to let it stress me. I chose to put that thing in the stress category as opposed to dealing with the reality of it's role in my life. I have to work...but I don't have to let it stress me out. Been doing it for so long...nothing really changes and it is all up to me to see the value in working instead of allowing it to assume the role of a stressful activity in my life.

Same with people in my life. They are always going to say things, do things, ask or even demand things from me. This is all very stressful.....*IF* I allow it to be. I used to say bring it on...pile it on...I can take it...I have my vodka to make it all doable. That was the easy way to deal with it. Liquid excuses to make these things easier to deal with.

But it does not have to be that way. I have realized that something is stressful in my life only if I choose to let it be that way. Bad things happen and this too shall pass.

I have chosen to be more mindful of the now...this moment I am living and experiencing. It is a wonderful moment if I chose to see, feel, smell and embrace the good that is in this very moment. I really don't need vodka to help me do this...in fact the vodka would simply overtake this sensation and replace it with a numb sensation and erase any real experience of this moment. I have to keep doing this each and every second I live and I am determined to do this and never let vodka steal another second of my life from me.

Thank you so much for this post, the last paragraph brought tears to my eyes!

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

I want to be that success story that I hear about at my AA meetings. I hate being that failure who lacks the strength to resist drinking. Why did I wake up yesterday and walk straight into the garage to take a big swig off the vodka bottle I had stashed away? After all theses years and AA meetings and therapist sessions I should be expert at knowing why I drink.

I lost count of the day 1's but know I can count my day 5's on one hand. Today's day one is different in that previous day 1's I was so hung over I couldn't fathom having another drink...today though I am just broken and depressed. I have lied about my drinking that even I don't believe me anymore. Let's see if I can start making promises that I can keep.

One day at a time.

[NoSugar]

It's my turn

Hi, 4theboyz

I guess you aren't new to the site but you would be welcome in the Newbies Nest :l. It is a great place to hang out and get this done once and for all. Is is worth doing whatever it takes.

I'm from LOL, also. :h NS

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

NoSugar;1593535 wrote: Hi, 4theboyz

I guess you aren't new to the site but you would be welcome in the Newbies Nest :l. It is a great place to hang out and get this done once and for all. Is is worth doing whatever it takes.

I'm from LOL, also. :h NS

Thank you for checking in with me and the invite to the newbies nest. Feeling a little numb and trying to get my head in the game so I can take on this roller coaster ride again.

[NoSugar]

It's my turn

4theboyz;1593545 wrote: Thank you for checking in with me and the invite to the newbies nest. Feeling a little numb and trying to get my head in the game so I can take on this roller coaster ride again.

Time to get off the roller coaster! It isn't worth it.

Your name says you're doing it for the boys. Your sons? This time you could do it for you - make it real and make it stick. That will really be good for the boys.

Hope you come over to the nest - a lot of people are there, bouncing ideas off each other, offering support and tough love... This is just too hard to do alone.

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

NoSugar;1593552 wrote: Time to get off the roller coaster! It isn't worth it.

Your name says you're doing it for the boys. Your sons? This time you could do it for you - make it real and make it stick. That will really be good for the boys.

Hope you come over to the nest - a lot of people are there, bouncing ideas off each other, offering support and tough love... This is just too hard to do alone.

Thanks again and thank you for the "Perfect Day 1" Well said.

[Sunbeam]

It's my turn

Hi Boyz, it is good to see you back. The road is long, but you haven't given up, that's why you are here. Newbies' nest is good, and the list of ideas in the tool box thread just keeps on growing.

[Yourfriend6116]

It's my turn

4theboyz---i read a bit of your thread. Dont give up-you are not a failure for having lots if Day 1's---i call that persistence. Keep it up!!!

[4theboyz]

It's my turn

For lack of a better place to post this I wanted to start a discussion by asking others here if they have had "signs" from dreams or serendipitous moments with others that provide clarity and a frank reminder that your drinking is a huge problem and you have to stop and never drink again?

I have been struggling with temptations to drink again. My dad passed away a year ago from Barretts Esophagus disease. My dad too was an alcoholic, quit drinking in his early 30's and was sober most his adult life until he retired and felt he wanted to enjoy drinking again in his retirement. Anyway many alcoholics die from Barret's and after my dad's death I discovered I have precancerous lesions in my esophagus. That is obviously a very good reason for me not to drink. Sadly it was not enough to keep me totally sober until recently when I made the decision I had to stop drinking once and for all or it will kill me for certain.

Now back to my question. I have been struggling with urge to drink again and thankful for my AA meetings to find strength and last Tuesday I was at my AA meeting and sitting there people were chatting as usual and one lady brought up the very thing about how many alcoholics die from Barretts. Out of the blue those words hit me like a lightning bolt and reinforced just how crucial it was that I never drink again for that reason amongst the more obvious reasons.
Then last night I had a dream…perhaps one of the weirdest, sad and sober reminder just how bad my drinking had become. My dad was an avid golfer and in my dream I was out on a golf outing with my dad and his golf buddies. There I was with no clubs and only a bottle of rot gut hidden in my coat pocket. Any was my dad tossed me a ball to hit and I barely hit the balls 10 yards into the bushes. There I found a dozen or more lost balls and stuffed my pockets with it. I ducked behind some bushes and proceeded to take a sneak drink and ended up spilling all over my face and coat. I looked up from where I was at and saw my dad looking right at me and he turned away and kept walking. I stumbled and struggled to catch up but he just kept walking.

That dream and the incredible reminder of that image of me as a desperate drunk as well as that lady at AA bringing up the Barretts I feel came to me at a time when I needed it most. I find both instances very odd both in their timing and intensity. I am simply curious if others here have had similar or other unique “interventions” that helped remind them to not drink.

[lead366]

It's my turn

Hey...HELLO

Come to the newbies nest and post on the roll call ok?

We need your input and you write so well

Please?

Thanks