I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

[reichertty]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

I made my bed and I'll be the one to messy up the sheets...

Yes, I do fully understand that I did, consciously mind you, make my own choices. Unfortunately, my weekend "binge," was no binge at all, it was merely Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Each day could just as easily have been substituted with Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday and the outcome would be the same, except, I probably wouldn't have been at the golf course at the same hours (work, y'know). To be honest, the shame I feel really has nothing to do with how much I drank, nor the frequency, but, the fact that I don't stop. Every time I go into the same liquor store, I wonder what they think of me, I wonder if they know I'm an alcoholic. I'm sure they do, but, they still keep taking my money, acting jovial, cracking jokes, flashing smiles as if nothing were wrong. After all, for me and my habit, it's just another day that ends in a Y.

I don't post what I drink as a means to show anyone up, or to make myself sound cool because I can drink an Irish-American-Indian under the table, or to draw attention to myself by saying, and I quote the great Stuart, "look what I can do." I don't post what I drink in order to preach to the choir, I know you have all heard it all before and I hate to be a terrible bore with the same old story. I post because it helps me to be honest and to see in real, actual words, just what I'm doing to myself.

The old adage goes: "don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Well, I can apply this to drinking, don't drink at these crazy levels unless you're prepared to deal with the onslaught of health problems. I am not prepared to deal with the physical consequences of drinking to excess. I do NOT want to die. I would like to see the final movie in the Harry Potter saga, I would like to see who the next president is and what "changes," if any, will happen in the white house, et al. I want so badly to know what I can do without this ball and chain noosed tightly around my neck. I want so badly to be healthy and to feel healthy. The days that I don't drink, I want to drink and I think about it so much. That life doesn't sound much better, though I know it is. It's just, how the fuck do I get to that point where I'm not thinking about it constantly. Basically, I'm doing the crime but I don't want to do the time. How long is this a super difficult struggle, I mean, I know from my past experiences that I still struggle with it after 6 months (duh, I'd still be sober otherwise), but, the cravings and the desire to imbibe is much much easier to deal with. How long until I'm at that point again? Does the same principle of smoking apply? Just get through the first 3 days? I know Vic keeps telling me to post after 3 AF days, but, is that it? Does it get easier after that?

I'm not here to try and bull shit you guys, in fact, I'm not on this earth to bull shit anyone or anything. I'm incredibly honest with myself and I know stepping in a big ol' pile of bull doody isn't going to help anyone, including, and especially, myself.

Even if I do go AF today, and the next, my g/f is coming back on Saturday. What the ever-loving-fuck am I going to do then? I know she'll support me, but, she's made it quite clear she is not anywhere near calling it quits with the jesus juice. I've ended many relationships due to alcohol (only one that was worth salvaging, but, I didn't). I've had support in relationships in the past (except the one that was worth salvaging), but, and let's see if I can explain this right... they obviously let me drink, I wouldn't have dated a non-drinker (I mean, who would I count on to enable me?), so, they supported two things, they supported me drinking and then they supported me not drinking, it's just the support to not drink is never enough to counter the support to drink. Am I supposed to get out of this relationship? I am, historically speaking, not able to make life changes when I am in a relationship. The last time I quit drinking, my then g/f (who lived with me) got dumped and I attended AA for a while, lost a little weight... then, back on the bottle, time before that, same thing, dumped her, quit drinking for 6 months, managed to quit smoking cigarettes and pot and I lost 70 plus pounds. Well, guess what, I'm back on the teet, I'm smoking again, back up to a pack a day, smoking a lot of pot, and I weigh 20 pounds shy of my peak weight the last time. I'm back, I'm comfortably spinning through that downward spiral again, some might argue still.

I'm a loser, I know, but, I just can't get myself to stop this shit. And I'm not saying that because I want any of you to counter with "you're not a loser," I'm saying it because, the fact that I don't say no makes me feel like a total loser, it really really does. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it and the only reason I'm able to spill my guts in here is because you're all nameless, faceless people, you're nothing more than 0's and 1's flashing across my computer screen. I have a great deal of respect for all of you, I know you all have your lives and your own problems and your own human struggle, I really do, but, I won't meet any of you and I don't believe I'm forging any life-long friendships in here. I feel free to be myself and to pour out my thoughts that no other person on earth knows because I know I'll never see your eyes glaring down at me, nor the look of disapproval on your faces when I tell you I drank a gallon of liquor of mixed genres.

[tlrgs]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

. we will be here for you when you fall . really you have to be the one that want to do it for yourself.good luck

[4theboyz]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Reichertty,

I have told only one person I know that I am going AF. He started to dring at 12 and by 28 yrs he was a proud sponsor of Miller Brewing company boldly drinking 35 beers a night for 10 years straight. We suggested he cool it, his wife gave him some loving advice to stop drinking as she changed the pee soaked bed sheets for the 3rd time that week. He told me today at lunch how he had to rotate cleaners for he was ashamed at having to have his pissed suit pants dry cleaned so often. He finally had to drag his pee stained mattress down 3 apartment buildings because he was so ashamed of it and didn't want people to know it was his. He hit bottom, *he* realized he was in trouble, *he* made the choice to stop and he did. He got help and still today 18 years later he goes to AA 2-3 times a week and has never been happier. He is very successfully beyond most peopls dreams and is my mentor through my own struggle with AL. It ain't easy, it ain't pretty, the lows are very low but for me I made that same choice and AF is *my* only choice.

I am not here to judge you, like you said us two shall never meet, but sharing the weight of any burden only makes it easier. I am ready if and when you are.

[reichertty]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Wow! That's amazing!

Thanks for the story. I'm sometimes amazed to hear when other's peoples bottoms (okay all you brits/aussies, quit giggling) are so much lower than my bottom (seriously, quit the giggling). I'm here thinking I couldn't possibly get any worse, but, to hear how it can get SOOOOOOOO much worse gives me unbelievable hope. Glad to hear your friend is doing better! Thanks for the words!

By the way, I meant no offense when I called everyone 1's and 0's, I'm only saying, this is a faceless medium to communicate in, which emboldens many people, I'm sure. If the possibility were to arise where I could/would meet one or more of you, I wouldn't be the least bit timid, but, for the time being, I'm just saying, it's easier to communicate here than it is in person... for me at least.

[dexterhead]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hi R. : yes, some of the people here have gone thru some hell before they were able to quit .. and some smaller people than yourself (meaning, women) have put away some pretty big amounts of booze. I am glad you are here, you are HILARIOUS, I can tell you are smart as hell , and I'm glad you want to face up to your situation. has anyone mentioned the supplements to you? they will help your body get back on track and can also curb cravings. Please stick around, we like you !!

[Victory]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Yep, Reich stick around please

Yep, ditto dex we like this chappie.
He will make it and we will support him.
:baaah:

[theshark]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

reich if you can drink that amount on a daily basis without getting the sweats ,shakes,fears,etc you are a walking miracle i only drank a quarter of that and im sweating and rattling after 4 days of af.

[4theboyz]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hang in there Shark, you are right there. Do you take any meds for relief of symptoms?

[theshark]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

ive been on paroxatene/paxil for 15 years but am taking nothing for al withdrawal im going to order some kudzu off mwo after

[reichertty]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Okay...

Good morning ladies & germinations,

Shark, I assure you, I'm no walking miracle, I am but a mere mortal.... sigh. Although, you may be correct, I think I do get the sweats much more than I realize. In fact, I woke up last night drenched in sweat, I was freaked out I may have pissed the bed, but, alas, I just got super hot with my fucking cat wedged atop my blanket between my legs, cramping me, boxing me in. The shakes though, call it an anomaly, I just don't get them. There was a short period in my drinking career that I did get shakes, but, it hasn't been that way since 2001.

As I was telling Vic last night, I went home without stopping at the liquor store. Well, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some apple juice (and no, that's not my clever way of saying hard apple cider), but, that's it. I'm not going to be taking any of the supplements, I won't be taking any sort of medication, it's just me, I'm not interested in them, I'm not a big fan of modern western medicine. I know, of all the people to poo-poo the notion of "better living through pharmaceuticals" it's gotta be me, but, I just don't like them. I'm taking a super food right now with my apple juice, this stuff is jam packed with nutrients, natural nutrients, wild harvested plants, not artifically created crap or vitamins from non-natural food based sources (did you know that any time you take a calcium supplement, it most likely came from ground up oyster shells? Gross! That's not food, how the hell can you expect your body to assimilate that? Eat your leafy greens, they've got plenty of calcium: kale, collard greens, spinach, broccoli and many other fruit and veg, and if you must, then, eat a block of cheese or something). oops, got a little sidetracked there... here we go, back on track. At any rate, yes, I made it home with apple juice, water, & Lust Caution (I haven't finished it yet, it's a long movie!) and have not had a drink since Monday night. Yay me. Woo hoo. Ain't I special. Whatever! Anyway, I've got vodka on the brain, but, I'm feeling pretty damn good today, so, I'm hoping I can remember that before I pick up a bottle.

And I slept like shit last night, I woke up every half hour to pee, how miserable! I forgot (ah, bringing the theme full circle now) that I don't sleep very well without my sleeping juice. But I was fine. I didn't die. I hope to keep it that way for at least a few more centuries, but, alas, I am but a mere mortal. Sigh.

[Lucy Van Pelt]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hi Reich-

I feel compelled to respond to your thread. I, for one, am impressed by your candidness about where you are at this point...the amounts you drink, the girlfriend etc. That is wonderful. I do think, however, that being able to be honest does not mean we are not in denial. I am still struggling with alcohol, personally, and yet I can tell you I have known for many years this is a problem and have wanted to stop. However, at that moment we decide to drink...that is when we go into denial-big time. The fact that you want to live, and recognize you are killing yourself with alcohol, that all goes out the window the moment you decide to put alcohol in your body. Does that make sense?

I also am looking at how much you drink, and use other substances, and I do wonder if you can possibly do this without some in-patient treatment. I know....I do know... "how can I do that and not lose my job?"...but if you really want to be honest and NOT be in denial...your life is at stake here. Ultimately, your job is useless to you if you are dead. Sorry to be brutal but that is the truth. For someone so young, you are a really unhealty guy.

Look, I am certainly not judging you...as I said, I am still struggling daily with this crap, but I am just responding to what I have read. You seem like a nice guy...what a shame if you don't live past 40...even if I don't ever meet you.

pm me if you want...either way, I wish you the best. Stick around here either way, too...so much support, advice etc

Beth

[Victory]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Sleeping like shit

Reich dear, supplements are needed by heavy drinkers due to the fact our bodies have been working overtime to support our nocturnal hobbies. Vitamin B?s, magnesium, vitamin C, amino acids, etc? all become seriously depleted. Supps are OK and much needed. Sorry you had the sweats but that is all part of getting out of the addiction.
:goodjob: for day 1, looking forward to hearing day 2 post.
Aunty Victory
:h

[Sunbeam]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hooray for day 1!

[reichertty]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

A note on supplements

Supplements: I am taking superfood. Here is an ingredient list:

(all organically grown and wild harvested)
* Spirulina
* blue-green algae
* chlorella broken-cell algae,
* barley
* alfalfa and wheat grasses
* purple dulse seaweed
* beet root
* spinach leaf
* acerola cherry
* rose hips
* orange and lemon peels in a base of non-fermentable saccharomyces cervisiae yeast (wtf?!)

And provides the following nutrients (according to the B.S.U.S.R.D.A.) per 2 tablespoon serving (2 tablespoons are not a lot, mind you, these ingredients are powerful!)

A 130%
B1 400%
B2 400%
B3 200%
B6 300%
B12 556%
C 100%
Iron 18%
Zinc 13%
Iodine 35%

Now, as far as supplements go, and, keep in mind, I'm still doing heavy research into this (after all, I am not a scientist, I'm just obsessed with what is being passed off as "food" these days), I do NOT believe in them. Your body simply cannot assimilate artificial shit. In order to gain the maximum benefits of certain vitamins, you need to get it in food or food based items. Let's take Vitamin C for example. Sure, you could take a tablet or 15 (my addictions begain as a kid, I couldn't stop eating those chewables, hello diarhea!) and get the recomended amount per day, but, you could also (and, I know this is difficult to comprehend) just eat a FUCKING ORANGE and get ALL of the benefits the orange has to offer, not just one isolated one. Who knows what's going on in that orange, maybe there are other chemicals still unknown to science (oh infallable science) that actually aid the body in digesting and assimilating the Vitamin C, not to mention the ones they already know about (enzymes, bioflavonoids, et al), the ones they leave out when they try to pass off ascorbic acid as "vitamin c," it's total bull shit. Nutritionism, or nutrition science, is a food processors wet dream.

Wait, what was the subject?

Haha, no really, I'm taking care of the nutrients, I'm making sure my body has what it needs, I'm drinking plenty of water and natural, organic foods. I want to help my body detox so, I'm giving it all the materials needed to do it the way nature intended. And just how did nature intend? I don't really fully know, but, please, don't ask a food processor.

Ah, listen to me, talking about all the bad things we willingly, and maybe even unknowingly, ingest. All the chemicals, poisons, toxins people shove down their pie holes every day, all this coming from a fucking alcoholic, stoner, smoker. Yeah, I'm a reliable source. Hey, at least I do my research, even if I do come off as a hypocrit. In an ideal world, however, I would not drink or smoke, and I do hope to make this world a little bit more ideal. A LOT more ideal.

[Sunbeam]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

If you haven't read the book, In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan yet, you would enjoy it. I told my husband that eating real food (instead of manufactured supplements) is like using compost in my gardens instead of chemical fertilizer. I think there are a lot of micro-elements in food (and compost) that we haven't identified yet.