I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

[reichertty]

First things first, I'm a 31 year old male. I make pretty good money but can't afford to drink anything better than pabst, 2 buck chuck n change, or taaka vodka (sheer volume, people, it ain't cheap to do this every day!). I don't know how much people drink, I want to know. It seems I can easily demolish a handle of vodka in 2 days flat. I can't be alone with myself without getting the urge to start drinking, and as most of you know, once I start, it's on, it's very on. I can put down 4 bottles of wine in one night, a case of beer is nothing (nor is it ever served alone) and a new 750 ml bottle of vodka, if left alone with me, will be on its way to the recycle center before the next calendar day. I'm very aware that this is excessive, but, just how excessive is it? I know I'm 6'3 and I weigh 260ish, but, come on, that amount of alcohol should put a fucking cow down for the count! Whatever, just reading these stories make me emotional, I've known/suspected I had a problem since I turned 21, I recall when I was 21 making a concerted (and well advertised to my friends at the time) effort to quit drinking for 7 days. Only 7 days and I barely made it. I was never a heavy drinker before, I guess I just preferred drunkeness over buzzedness. I knew that. I knew that I wouldn't be fine with just a glass of wine, it would make me sleepy and what 21 year old wants to go to bed right after dinner? I wanted to go out and fucking party! Drink to excess, laugh, be silly. I did manage to quit drinking for 6 months a few years ago, I did it because I had high cholesterol, high blood pressure, was pushing 300 pounds, couldn't breathe (incidentally, I am a smoker of multiple plant-based intoxicating agents, tobacco being one of them) and lacked motivation to do even the simplest of tasks. Crazy thing happened, everything (and I mean everything) that had gone wrong w/ my health had course corrected and I was breathing better, my blood pressure was well within normal limits as was the cholesterol and I had a new lease on life. Then I started drinking again. Slowly at first, then, I'm right back in the swing of it. I'm drinking every night, weekends are completely unmemorable, I'm becoming more and more depressed, my weight is in the 260 plus range, cholesterol is through the roof (doc wants me to take medicine, but, I don't want to risk overloading my liver, so, I never take them), blood pressure is up again at an alarming rate, I've got gout, my breathing is becoming worse and I'm beginning to lose any positive outlook I had for the future. I'm a walking ticking time bomb, I could stroke out and die before finishing this parag.......... just kidding, still here, but, serioulsy, I could easily stroke out and die at any moment, even with that knowledge, I'm still sitting here planning on what I want to drink tonight. Oh, I've also gone through 2 bankruptcies and I'm going to blame alcohol, I just can't control it. I know I need help. I don't like the AA place in my area, I don't feel like I relate to a lot of people and I feel like the whole AA process is contradictory (I must resign myself to the fact that I am helpless unless I embrace g/God, if I was so helpless, how is it g/God can help me?! I just said I was helpless.), I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to live sober, I don't know what to do with myself, I don't know how to pass the time, I don't know what it was I was drinking to forget in the first place, I don't remember a life where I wasn't dependent, I don't know what I will do for fun, I don't know how I can ever hang out with my hard drinking friends, I don't know how to be in a relationship sober (jesus, how many of those have I ruined w/ alcohol?! A lot!), I don't know what to expect and, frankly, that scares the shit out of me! :new:

[MyOwnWoman]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Reirch - I'm glad you've come here and posted.
I'm glad you know you are putting yourself in danger.

Like most - if not all -of us, you are very afraid of what life will be like sober. Please read lots of posts by those who have had great successes and you'll see that life is actually better - as hard as that may be to imagine now.

Based on the seriousness of your health issues (ordinarily I'm not an advocate of in-patient treatment) - I suggest you think about going into rehab. Even if it follows the 12-step program - you will be in a place where you CANNOT get a drink, to get you through the first 3-4 weeks. You need a serious head start.

It's terribly frightening that a man as young as you is in such a dangerous health state. I assume you want to live, otherwise you would not have come here for help. To live, you MUST quit drinking... so your weight goes down and your blood pressure normalizes, etc. And yes, that quantity is quite excessive.

I empathize with you. You can't imagine living without alcohol - but sounds like you might not live too terribly long with it.

Please, take care of yourself and get help. Find someway to make it happen. And if you go into rehab we'll be here waiting to chat with you when you get out.

Please... choose to live. And once you do, you'll find a that living is a whole hell of a lot more enjoyable.

hugs to you...

[Guest]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hi reicherrty and welcome.
Seems like you really want to live, only you don`t know any life other than the second-rate one you are living, where alcohol calls all the tunes.
I think many of us were terrified of letting go of the drink, simply because we couldn`t imagine a life without it.........drink and life had become one.

I can only tell you from my own experience that the sober life I`m living now is truly living, but you`ll never trust that until you experience it for yourself.

Believe in yourself and let go of the drink.........yes, you will be terrified of doing that, but within a short space of time, you will find yourself exhilirated with your new sober life.

I drank every single night, but your own level of drinking seems pretty excessive.......I would advise that you seek the help of your doc to get a med to allow you to come through the initial withdrawal safely.

Quitting drinking was the hardest thing I have ever asked of myself in my entire life, but it has also been the most rewarding thing I have ever achieved to date.

I wish you love and strength.

Starlight Impress x

[Victory]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

reich can you do one day AF?

Hi reich :welcome: , seems like you are in crash and burn mode. If you keep visiting this site we wont let that happen to you, you are not alone. I agree with MOW rehab would be a good place to start. Haven?t been but have really needed to go, just couldn?t afford it, no insurance. You deserve a better life than the one you have now. We have to find a way to pull you out of this nosedive.

One day AF would be a good place to start. Can you do one day AF reich? If you can do one then you can do two and so on.

You can expect the sweats and shakes by the sounds of things, but this is good your body is trying to rid itself of excess toxins to heal itself. The top post on the ?need help ASAP? window has good information about detox symptoms, please read it as you may need medical help if symptoms are severe.

Please stick around and keep posting. Best wishes. Victory
:h

[tlrgs]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

hi there..reichertty.. welcome . glad to meet you. well you have just made the right move .and the first step. this site has alot of really good people here. read alot . and post anything that is on your mind.. take it one day at a time . and there is alot of other site you can check out .i go to AA meeting and everything help me to learn the best way to handle my drinking problem. so good luck. and we are here for you

[Noelle]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

reichertty, I'm glad you made it here. Welcome!

It's like you're trying to kill yourself with drink. My husband swears that was what I was trying to do. Maybe I was.

I'm not fond of AA either but for a lot of people it works. Going into Rehab gives a really good start for going AF (alcohol free) and you can detox with no side effects. The usual stay is 14 days.

You CAN have a better life. You can hang with us and read all the posts. There are a LOT of people here just like you. Everyone is very supportive and not a bit judgemental. And you can post anything you want, anytime you want. Someone is always here to talk.

I hope some of this strikes a chord with you. You are certainly worth saving. We all are!

[Sunbeam]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hello Reichertty,
The people here are great, and you will have successful relationships here. I agree with the suggestion that you really are drinking large life-threatening quantities of alcohol, probably need more than this site alone can provide. This is a good place to start, learning new ways for your future life. But you need to do more, soon. Please stay in touch.

[reichertty]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Thanks for your kind words

Okay, so, I know I drink a lot, and I had a little vacation over xmas, so, I actually didn't drink for close to a week in a row, I didn't get any of the sweats (my hands do get a little clammy sometimes) and I don't get the dt's, no shakes, etc... though my core temp does tend to run a bit higher than what I think is normal... wow, some are advocating rehab... not a bad idea, but, how does one do that and not lose their job? I have vacation time, but, I'd have to request it off. This is so frustrating. I don't know if I am going to do the rehab thing, but, I am going to make a concerted effort to lay off the booze the next week, which, I think might actually be easy because my g/f is going to be out of town. I always tend to make the biggest strides in working on myself when I'm alone (I also tend to drink the most under the same circumstances, so, I assure you, I'm not trying to fool myself into thinking I will absolutely be able to do this, I'm going to try, give it a week and see where I land). So, last night, after posting that first thing, I drank 2 bottles of sangria (the shit was dirt cheap at the liquor store around the corner) and a 200 ml bottle of taaka vodka (that shit is so disgusting!). I did get drunk, but, I didn't pass out last night on the couch, I clearly recall turning the TV off just shy of 1 in the morning. The day I wrote that first post, I had consumed, in my best estimates, a liter of vodka. It was the rest of a handle (1.75 ml bottle) I hadn't finished the night before, and it was more than 1/2 full (oh what a time to be optomistic.. get it, 1/2 full vs. 1/2 empty? hardy har har), so, I'm pretty sure it was right around an entire liter of vodka. Yes, I was hurting yesterday.

Anyway, I guess I"m going to be changing my ID... I think I need to be more anoynmous on here. Thanks again for all of your words... I do appreciate it! Some of your words brought me to tears... look, I'm not in denial.. not in the least. I know what I'm doing, I know where I'm heading, I just can't seem to stop it, I'm not doing it on purpose, I don't want to die. I've gone to AA off and on for the last few years, in fact, any time I have consulted someone for advice or help (including at AA), it has always been of my own volition. I want change.... I mean, it scares me, but, I'm so fucking miserable going down this path, sobriety, I am quite convinced (and despite my actions to the contrary), can't be worse than this miserable existence!

Another thing, and don't take this to the extreme end of the pendulum, because, I'm not saying I have these feelings on an extreme level, but, I've always known I am incapable of suicide, I hear of and read of when these things happen and it just amazes me, I get flabergasted whenever I imagine doing the same thing... the older I get, the more saturated my poor liver/kidneys/body in general become in booze, the more my brain continues to change, I feel my sanity is becoming less than it was and I now can understand how people could come to the conclusion that suicide is the only answer... that scares me too... I mean, I'm essentially committing suicide slowly anyway... I'm scared people. Again, don't take this to mean I'm suicidal, because I'm not, not even close. I'm just saying, I'm fucking miserable living the way I'm living. 'nuff said. "Things are gonna change, I can feel it"

[Victory]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

One day at a time mate

Reich, you are crying out for help, what can I do for you? You can change your ID but can change your life? One day at a time only. If no DT?s then go for it, prove it. Tell me, no sweats and shakes. Am waiting to hear day 3 from you and no sweats or shakes????? Come on just do it. Put your money where your mouth is. Or are you bullshitting me and yourself? Care for you reich and will help if I can. Kind regards Victory :h

[Victory]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Sorry for being harsh with you reich

Reich, apologies for the harshness. I hear a nice young man, educated, articulate who is hell bent on crash and burn. Aunty Vic says it stops here, I want to hear day 3 AF (alcohol free) post or will hunt you down from Australia and kick your bum, (butt in your lingo). Please PM anytime. Am on your case young man. Kind regards Aunty Vic :h

[reichertty]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

No apologies necessary!

Granted, tough love tends to have an opposite effect on me, but, I'm taking it all with a grain of salt. Can I do 3 days AF... hmm... does it have to be MF as well? I know I can, I've done it a few times in the past 3 months. I got a very very bad attack of gout earlier in the year and I didn't drink for 3 or 4 days, but, then the flare up went away and I started drinking again. Also, I got that noro virus that went around over xmas and I just didn't want to drink (it helped me quit smoking cigarettes for 3 weeks too, but, that too didn't last long), so, I did at least a week that time. I'll let you know how the weekend goes. I'll try to post tomorrow afternoon/night with one of two scenarios

1) How long I've avoided the bottle
or
2) An inventory of how much I consumed.

Either way, if I'm being honest about it, it will help me. Shit, you think I want people knowing I drank 2 bottles of wine and a 1/3 a bottle of vodka in 5 hours? Or an entire liter of vodka the night before? Or a 750 ml bottle the night before that? Or 3 bottles of wine the night before that? Or 2 bottles of wine the night before that? And don't even get me started on how much I consumed while in Vegas Saturday/Sunday. Uh, no, I don't want people to know. I'm terribly embarassed and ashamed of my drinking, my hard drinking girlfriend doesn't even know how much I drink. Yes, I know it's a bit counter-intuitive to be dating a hard drinker when my goal is to not be one, but, hey, I was looking for an enabler at the time (I don't mean to discount the fact that I do love her, but, that's not at issue right now, the drinking is). Anyway, she sometimes tries to keep up with me but winds up passing out, leaving me to my own devices... well, leaving me to finish whatever is left, a half a bottle of wine sometimes (sometimes a whole one, I go to the grocery store/liquor store/convenience store dayly to stock up on the necessities; I'll pick up 4 bottles of 2 buck chuck 'n change and all four bottles will be picked out of the recycle bin by the bums in my alley in 10 minutes or less after leaving for work), a half a bottle of vodka others... you get the idea. Anyway, the g/f issue will have to be dealt with in due time (and by "dealt with" I mean, the issue needs to be seriously confronted head on).

[dexterhead]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hi Reich: I understand your qualms about rehab. Yes, I don't think I could go to my boss and say , "well, I'm taking two weeks off to go to rehab." really tough stuff. Do you really have no symptoms when you stop ? You know, for now, maybe don't think of it as "I am never going to have another drink ever." Can you maybe try to string a few days of AF together? You could get some clarity.

You are a sweet guy, I can tell. Can your g/f help you fight this? It is a bloody beast, we all know. Hey, maybe you should post something on the "Just Starting Out" thread. there are more women than men here, but there are some absolutely amazing guys here who have fought this beast and fought it hard.
thinking of you !! and watch out for Aunty Vic and the ass-whooping (to put it in Americanese) !

[Thankful]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Reich, welcome. Thank you for being so open an honest. It's so hard to do that right off the bat. You are stronger than you think. You sound very intelligent and your humor in the face of angst shows a lot about the type of person you are.

You are so young. No wonder your scared of not drinking. You spent your entire adult life drunk! It's time to live, hun. The party is over. Any chance of telling your girlfriend that you want to quit? Maybe she'll be on board with the idea and will join you. You both could support each other. Just a thought.

Please give the idea of vitamins and supplements a serious thought. Your body is craving nutrition bad!!! If money is a problem you can shop around for them, but I hear the ones offered here are great. Get some as soon as possible. There is proven scientific facts that many alcohol additions are just chemical imbalances in the body and mind. The vits and supps will help miraculously!! Give them a try. They certainly can't hurt. And drink a lot of water on your af days, especially in the beginning.

Please stay in touch. Don't hesitate to let us know how we can help. Best of luck to you. Stay tough. I promise it gets easier. We are here for you.

Love, Me
:l

[Thankful]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Hi, Reich - me again, duh!

Just read an amazing post. Thread is titled "800 days of xtexanx". Please read it if you have not done so already. There's a lot of hope and inspiration there. This could be you someday. :h

Love, Me
:l

[Victory]

I've come to understand, drinking to forget actually works!

Step up young man if you can?

Sorry, reich for tough love approach.
Cannot bear to hear such a lovely young man hurting himself.
Can you really do 3 days AF?????
Step up young man if you have the balls to do so?
Want to read next post being Day 3.
Love Aunty Vic
:h