Its not often that I can sit with a clear head this time of the day. Where I am it's 8 at night.
I have loved reading your stories, I know that you will understand my secret.
I have a secret lover, I have a demon lover.
We meet mostly at night, though sometimes the desire to meet comes early in the day.
He seduces me with promises of freedom from shyness, freedom from pain, freedom from emptiness. He tells me that he will fill my hours with warmth and happiness.
When he leaves, I wake up sick, ashamed and filled with a self loathing that leaves me crying for release.
Like so many, it is shame that keeps me a prisoner. I am so tired of the runny guts, the bursting head, the excuses, the excuses and more excuses.
I am tired of the fatigue, I am tired of fighting this demon lover of mine.
Not yet a basket case, I am a professional who lives a life of accepted respectability. Some guess my secret, few mention it.
I have put myself onto antabuse. Its just too easy to cheat though. This is the first time that I have read about this particular program.
I am by nature a sporty person who loves hiking and running. My immune system is shot right now though.
So now I have introduced you to my demon lover, I hope that you understand.
I can finish 10 glasses of wine a day. Not bad for someone who weighs little over 50kg.
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