What if one is afraid to not drink?

[hart]

Long post.................skip if you'd like to ending question.........

I've been on MWO for a while. I love this site. I luv the people, the honesty, the humor, the intelligence and wit of the members...........the caring..........one of the sites I would hate to not be able to avail myself to......respect so many, including RJ.............but I feel it is time for ME to be honest....

My story, history, life, has parts of many members..............some have gone thru worse experiences..........some not, but many share some commonalities.

Childhood sucked, mother drank, bipolar...tho no name for it then, alcoholic, mood swings from hi highs to low lows. Brilliant mind, loving tho not demonstrative....not her nature.....had me late in life....died early fifties. Dad, anger problem.......no drinking....wish he did......went from everything ok to beating me for wrong phrase. Eleven molested by relative during protection from drunk mother..........during mom and dad divorce.........as I say some members here experience worse.........

Not going into details of 1st marriage other than to say........dysfunctional.....putting it mildly.

Okay went from bad coping mechanism starting at age 15.....besides multiple suicide attempts to age 19.........and other bad coping mechanisms to drinking heavily at age....approximately age early 30s to date.

Counseling up the ying yang...........couselors frustrated because I'm kinda smart yet stuck. The old question..........if one has nothing to fear but fear itself...............but THAT fear is something one feels is too hard to face............is so scary one can't fathom it.

Told once one faces it it will lessen....feel like some here are like John Wayne....bite the bullet Pilgrim, face them fears............

But what if one fears the feelings................what if one feels that if one experiences one's fullblown fears...........it will overwhelm and cripple them.............that ANY, however dysfunctional, detrimental both physical and maybe mentally....that FEAR, TERROR is worse than any bad coping mechanism.............

What if one is afraid not to use crutches.........alcohol or otherwise...............how does one move from that point..........I'm smart, I can be logical........but this is coming from the same place that protected that little girl..........how does one face it...........

I don't want to be a hypocrit....hell I have worked successfully at a Crisis line for God sakes, gotten many awards addressing others' problems............

[Guest]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hart,

From what you say in this post its absolutely certain that you have some amazing skills.. to survive what you did.. to be able to work in crisis areas to help others.. thats some skills. Dont knock the skills that you have.

I read a book by Debbie Ford (if I remember rightly) about her life... she argues that we are all so unique and even though awful things happen the fact that we survive is huge and the things that happen to us make us so much stronger and provide us with unique skills that we can draw on to heal ourselves. Funny, that even though this seems true in the abstract we doubt ourselves to much.

Anyway, I dont want to preach, but I can tell you that I, too worked in the healing industry for many years successfully while my life was internal torture and I manipulated early efforts at treatment. But there did come a time where I got serious. Hard to really put a finger on what the change was.. maybe I put it in my mind and slowly (bloody slowly) worked towards it.. I was in such a habit of ignoring all that stuff. And sure, bits of it were tough. I've sobbed like I never sobbed in my life. But I made sure that I had support. Having support helped me to not feel as insane while I processed all that stuff.

This site can help with that not feeling alone part, but I think to approach this stuff that you are talking about you need help in your 'real' life. Asking for help means that you have to acknowledge that you need help in your real life and if you are anything like me, that choked in my throat for many years till I could get it out.

But I"m proof that if you get to the point of being serious you just keep going and hang onto your sobriety for all its worth and life IS worth living. I am not saying that my process is necessarily for you, but it sure worked for me, once I got serious.

Biggest thing I ever did in my entire life was to forgive myself for being unlovable. Sounds like such a silly sentence but that nearly killed me to do it and it turned my life around.

Dont give up and the very best of luck to you.
Brigid

[barebones]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

hi there, forgive me im new i havent yet written about my drinking as yet, but im allways up for helping.

i understand where ur coming from, i to had so called bad childhood and learnt from early on some bad coping technics. for me i started to drink very bad when 20 which carried on until im now 36.

ive been through counciling and also tried suicide on many occasions, but thats becuase i suffer from other mental illnesses aswell as being a alocholic.

what made me address my drinking was when i admitted i lost control over it and it didnt make any of my problems any better, it made things worse. i allways thought it helped me, but really if u look around u and yourself its not the case.

what advice i can give u is that u address one thing at a time, meaning one of ur coping stratergies and chip away at it. u will find doing that is that all ur problems and bad coping skills has some similar ways. meaning that if u fix one that it may of fixed another . if u understand?

this all takes time, and u can relaspe. if u seariously want to sort out ur drinking problem is that having support and even taking a med will help considerably.

anyway ill stop there. if u need any help or got any questions, im allways here to try and help.

take care hun

[dexterhead]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hi Hart. thanks for sharing your story. so many people here have been thru so much ... I 've been thinking about your post. I guess what i'm getting is, if you are forced to face life stone-cold sober, you might open up a "Pandora's box" of facing your past and your feelings? I hope I am not misinterpreting, but the post reminds me so much of my ex-husband. He had this wretched childhood, bipolar and abusive mom, he was the "family hero," etc. He talked through a lot of stuff with me, but for years was afraid to get into therapy because of the "Pandora's box" thing --- that all the ugliness of his past and things he'd been trying to forget would swarm around and just overwhelm him. And he was a very controlled person and that idea of losing control terrified him. is that a little of what you are feeling ..

[hart]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Thanx for understanding....kinda sad to hear that the person whom I remind you of......is now your ex! :egad:

I hope it was other issues. My hubby had a great childhood (his ma and da are great!) so while sympathetic, and actually hates my ex having only met him a few times, does not have a personal reference for my experience........which I THANK GOD for, I love him bunches.

We do share a turning to bad coping mechanisms, including alcohol......tho he won't admit he is an alcoholic. He was an Olympic bound athlete, which in Europe, exercise is stressed more as an anti-depressant than the U.S.

I don't know I'm rambling now. Anyway thanx for the ear. :thanks:

[universal]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hart,

I hear ya.........as you know, I also fear Not drinking (the alone time is so hard). I don't really have any advice for you, just wanted you to know that you are not alone in how you feel.

Thanks for everything,
Love and Hugs,
Uni

[Doggygirl]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

((((hart)))) I'm so sad to read about your childhood, and the ways that has affected your life. You are a VERY caring person - reaching out to help all of us. I hope you find your way to concuering your fears. You deserve the very best that life has to offer. If I had a magic wand I would surely wave it for you!!!! I guess all we can do is just keep plugging away. I'm so glad that you are here.

DG
*

[trixietrack]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

I understand the fear of not drinking. I started a thread regarding this a week or so ago. (I think?)

it's like facing nothingness or an abiss.

so I am teaching myself to respect "the drink"

[Thankful]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hart, I wish I too had some magic I could perform for you.

Your post is a little scary as you have really made me remember some things about my childhood that I can't yet speak of. You are brave. You are an inspiration.

But I have to say that it is obvious that you are unhappy drinking because you wouldn't be here otherwise. So, hun, why not give AF a try? Scary? Yup! But you are a very strong person who is very intune to the emotions of the past. You have the skills that so many of us would love to have. Trust yourself, Hart. I think that's what you really need to do. Trust yourself.

Going AF will be emotional. But it's a good emotional. I cried for days (sometimes not even knowing why). But each time I cried, I felt a whole lot better. I don't know how to better explain it.

My heart goes out to you. I'm here for you no matter what you decide. Best wishes to you, sweetie.

Love, Me
:l

[Victory]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hart, can relate to you big time. Also have that same terror locked away that I am afraid to look at in case of being totally overwhelmed. When the feelings come from the same place that protected the little girl, it?s even harder to lift the lid. When not drinking must be a super achiever to keep the lid on. But if we want to get well, lift it we must. Only know, that we must be ready to lift it and there must be a trustworthy support team in place in case we drown. Sorry not a very positive reply, but please know you are not alone with those feelings of sheer terror. Love from Aunty Vic :h

[xtexan]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hart:

I've been using the EFT method on most of my childhood traumas. It is a bit overwhelming at times, and the method has causing me to lose nights of sleep several times when I hit a sensitive issue.

The hard thing is finding out those things I have forgotten "on purpose" as a defense mechanism. They are still stuck in my brain, and slowly after over 2 years still working them out. Takes time, and patience.

I still have things pop up from time to time, that I know getting blasted would be the immediate short term fix, but now days my sober self stops that cold. Still working on so many fears of my own, but making progress.

Here is the link to the EFT site. I don't know if you have tried this before or not, but it is one thing that helps me. The manual is free download, so you can give a shot if you want.

EFT Provides Impressive Health and Emotional Freedom--New Discovery Often Works Where Nothing Else

Neil

[Victory]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Thanks xtexan, learnt EFT 6 years ago it worked in the beginning and then had a really bad panic attack and EFT didn’t help, so stopped doing it, maybe time to start again. Aunty Vic

[nancy]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Hi Hart

I think that for much of our lives we look to external things for relief, self-esteem and stability. I think women are especially like this. It sounds like you think you don't have the internal gear ready for this yet. But you don't know until you try and confidence is a big part of it. It might turn out to be like someone who exposes herself to fear of heights. You might be more capable of dealing with this than you think you are. One big key to this, in my experience, is trusting in your own experience, emotions etc. For so much of our lives we can downplay our own feelings and seek validation everywhere.

What would it be like to just trust our own memories and emotions? Some will be right on and some will be off. But you just have to trust in what your gut tells you and adjust it as time goes on.

One big problem with childhood abuse is that the trauma causes us to get stuck in certain gears and certain ways of thinking. It seems to take so long to grow up and trust in ourselves. I heard that traumatic experiences keep us in a child cycle-- the hurt kid is at the wheel of our lives and we need to learn to kick the kid into the passenger seat.

You are probably at just the right age to have a major change in your estimation of your capabilities in dealing with some of this stuff.

One thing that might slow you down is relationships that try to keep you where you have been, so try to keep an eye on that. The fact that your partner has a similar problem is an obstacle, for example. But you can change on your own, that is part of maturing. hopefully, you can grow together.

nancy

[hart]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

Thanx guys, so much wisdom and understanding here. Neil, I'm gonna copy that site and look it over, thanx. I did try hypnosis and though it gave me a nice sleep....I don't think it did much good, but I'm pretty open to trying different options. :thanks::l

[tlrgs]

What if one is afraid to not drink?

hi there hart .. i am so sorry that you had very bad childhood but . and just by you writing down everything that has happen too you its a start. and a way to face your fears. and they said it take alot to addmit and you have so keep it up .be strong i know you can and will try again and again to try to stop drinking when you are ready.and the next time you feel like you want to have a drink please think about all the good you have done for everyone and how proud you should be of yourself.
dont ever give up. there is always tomorrow. good luck