well i wont go into total details, as its quiet triggering, so i will keep it basic as much as i can.
i guess really i will start of when i was 13, i didnt have much of a great childhood. yes i was given what i wanted i suppose, was fed and was given things for bday and xmas.
at 13 though i started to have some probs, i had 2 bad coping mechanism which i felt i was in control, that carried on until i left home at 15. i got a job down south, furthest place i could be from my parents. i was there for 2 years and i had only 1 bad coping skill at that time. after 2 years i went to ireland for another job, that didnt last long which i had to go home.which was when i was 18. so being home put alot of strain on me so my other coping skill came back. what i forgot to mention at 18 i did find drink, but it was fine. i also forgot to add i have family with drinking problems aswell.anyway i stayed at my parents home until i reached 20 and i moved in with my boyfriend, my drinking was becoming accessive and i was resorting to more bad coping mechanisms. when i was 21 which i was working at time, was refferd by occupational therapy at my work to a psyciatrist, in which i told him about my bad habits and drinking pattern. we talked over a few weeks, and he said that i should go into hospital, which i ended up agreeing with. i think i was in there for a week or so, was given meds to help with the drinking. after that i went home back to bf but i guess things wasnt right still. we had up and down relashionship and in end we ended up not staying with each other. he went back home and i went to a friends house. since coming out of hospital and from then i went back to old habits and drinking. my psyciatrist got me a place to stay which i lived with two other people. which again that didnt last that made me worse. so psyciatrist then got me a flat to myself, which fine great. being by self didnt help with anything so it just got worse. i was mostly allways in a pub from 11 in morning and stayed there until late.so at 22 i think again psyciatrist said for me to come into hospital, which again i agreed. but was there for a few weeks and my mental state became worse, even though i wasnt drinking. anyway eventually after bad stuff i was doing to myself he diagnosed me with boderline personality disorder, eating disorder, which went in one ear and out the other. to me i never listened. in all i ended up sectioned and was in there for few months. in that time i was given alochol counciling, which counciler said if carried on doing what i was doing i would be dead in 10 years time. huh yeah right. so anyway i eventually came out of hospital. so leads up to when i was 23 i think.
so from then as most would know is that ofcause us go back to drinking which i did. when i had money it would go on drink that went on for a year, and then my old bf moved back in with me. ofcause i carried on drinking as he drank himself. in end we got married when i was 25 . got totaly pissed at my own wedding, didnt want to leave and all that stuff. so really that carried on for another year or so. in which i was hiding bottles and pretending i wasnt drinking and also i ended up leaving my job. at 27 i became pregnant which was allright i didnt drink through pregnancy which is a plus.so i had my daughter, at that point i would only drink when i could if i didnt have my daughter i was also working at that time. the older she got i drank more. my job lasted 2 years for certain reasons and then i got another job, which hey that was great it was a offlicence, so then that helped me in drinking even more. this point at night i would drink alot and wake up still drunk or hangover. as time went by again i got worse. so my job again only lasted 2 years. after that i really wasnt coping much with life, i went to see my gp and he signed me off work with depression. later i asked to be referd to a my old psyciatrist, which then he refered me to art therapy, that was fine, saw him once a week, it didnt help with my alcohol prob though, so i kept on drinking, at this time, the drinking again was getting worse and my mental health was declining, i ended up isolating myself from people and my family, 3 years onwards, i asked if i could go into hospital to stop drinking. which my psyciatirst agreed with. that lasted 4 days, i couldnt cope with myself or life so i left and day after that bad coping skill came back. so from that i had to be off drink for a few days anyway doh. hmm after that again i went back to drinking i just seemed that i couldnt get past 3 days wiht out a drink, i tried alsorts , ie cutting down to only weekends, or only certain amount. that just didnt work. i ended up even worse. by now and im sure even before it totaly started to effect my family, there would be fights and that about my drinking and my behavour. so even that didnt stop me it wasnt until xmas and new year that things came to ahead. i drank on xmas eve, woke up early prob still drunk, started on wine at 8, then we had visiters which was my parents. we had then some more wine and a glass of whiskey. i just couldnt say no to it all. at 9-30 i ended up flat on my face on floor with my husband and dad helping me up. so parents left, and i thought better calm down on drink as we was going to mum inlaws for dinner. so we went there, so again i carried on drinking. in end my mum inlaw had to help me home. got home and then got myself another drink at which point as u guess i was pissed. also this point i was blacking out a bit. i again ended up on floor but this time it was my daughter who had to help me up. at which point enraged my husband. and of cause what came next is that they are not going to put up with this any longer and so forth. in end i went to bed. in morning i was reminded what happend night before, as mostly in past is that i had black outs. so that was xmas, and new year was the same. but what was diffrent about new year was i made consience choice to go over the top with drink. as i was slowly coming to a point that i had to stop what i was doing. so i decided 2nd of jan that i would try again to cut down my drinking. i did that for few weeks but it wasnt working out. then i decided after months of thinking is that i will try AA so i went to a meeting in which i ended up having 2 beers becuase of anxiety. but they welcomed me totaly anyway. i felt positive after that meeting. so i went the next day aswell. on the monday i saw my gp and talked to him about what i was doing and he gave me campral, i started that straight away and i went to 4 meetings a week, and it looked like i was getting somewhere, which yeah someways i was, i had cut down to 2 days a week, if bad week it could be 4 days a week. this carried on for 6 weeks. in at which time my mental health wasnt good. i was upsetting people again, even when i had cut down. so to end up this story is that from 1st of march after fighting with a friend and upsetting her when i was drunk is that i took stock about things in my life and decided being sober is the only way to go for now. so here i am day 13 and im sober. with help of AA and campral.never thought i would pass 3 or in end the 5th day struggle.
anyway i hope this wasnt to long for you, and i know that this is early days still but i hope that i can give hope to someone.
i guess really i will start of when i was 13, i didnt have much of a great childhood. yes i was given what i wanted i suppose, was fed and was given things for bday and xmas.
at 13 though i started to have some probs, i had 2 bad coping mechanism which i felt i was in control, that carried on until i left home at 15. i got a job down south, furthest place i could be from my parents. i was there for 2 years and i had only 1 bad coping skill at that time. after 2 years i went to ireland for another job, that didnt last long which i had to go home.which was when i was 18. so being home put alot of strain on me so my other coping skill came back. what i forgot to mention at 18 i did find drink, but it was fine. i also forgot to add i have family with drinking problems aswell.anyway i stayed at my parents home until i reached 20 and i moved in with my boyfriend, my drinking was becoming accessive and i was resorting to more bad coping mechanisms. when i was 21 which i was working at time, was refferd by occupational therapy at my work to a psyciatrist, in which i told him about my bad habits and drinking pattern. we talked over a few weeks, and he said that i should go into hospital, which i ended up agreeing with. i think i was in there for a week or so, was given meds to help with the drinking. after that i went home back to bf but i guess things wasnt right still. we had up and down relashionship and in end we ended up not staying with each other. he went back home and i went to a friends house. since coming out of hospital and from then i went back to old habits and drinking. my psyciatrist got me a place to stay which i lived with two other people. which again that didnt last that made me worse. so psyciatrist then got me a flat to myself, which fine great. being by self didnt help with anything so it just got worse. i was mostly allways in a pub from 11 in morning and stayed there until late.so at 22 i think again psyciatrist said for me to come into hospital, which again i agreed. but was there for a few weeks and my mental state became worse, even though i wasnt drinking. anyway eventually after bad stuff i was doing to myself he diagnosed me with boderline personality disorder, eating disorder, which went in one ear and out the other. to me i never listened. in all i ended up sectioned and was in there for few months. in that time i was given alochol counciling, which counciler said if carried on doing what i was doing i would be dead in 10 years time. huh yeah right. so anyway i eventually came out of hospital. so leads up to when i was 23 i think.
so from then as most would know is that ofcause us go back to drinking which i did. when i had money it would go on drink that went on for a year, and then my old bf moved back in with me. ofcause i carried on drinking as he drank himself. in end we got married when i was 25 . got totaly pissed at my own wedding, didnt want to leave and all that stuff. so really that carried on for another year or so. in which i was hiding bottles and pretending i wasnt drinking and also i ended up leaving my job. at 27 i became pregnant which was allright i didnt drink through pregnancy which is a plus.so i had my daughter, at that point i would only drink when i could if i didnt have my daughter i was also working at that time. the older she got i drank more. my job lasted 2 years for certain reasons and then i got another job, which hey that was great it was a offlicence, so then that helped me in drinking even more. this point at night i would drink alot and wake up still drunk or hangover. as time went by again i got worse. so my job again only lasted 2 years. after that i really wasnt coping much with life, i went to see my gp and he signed me off work with depression. later i asked to be referd to a my old psyciatrist, which then he refered me to art therapy, that was fine, saw him once a week, it didnt help with my alcohol prob though, so i kept on drinking, at this time, the drinking again was getting worse and my mental health was declining, i ended up isolating myself from people and my family, 3 years onwards, i asked if i could go into hospital to stop drinking. which my psyciatirst agreed with. that lasted 4 days, i couldnt cope with myself or life so i left and day after that bad coping skill came back. so from that i had to be off drink for a few days anyway doh. hmm after that again i went back to drinking i just seemed that i couldnt get past 3 days wiht out a drink, i tried alsorts , ie cutting down to only weekends, or only certain amount. that just didnt work. i ended up even worse. by now and im sure even before it totaly started to effect my family, there would be fights and that about my drinking and my behavour. so even that didnt stop me it wasnt until xmas and new year that things came to ahead. i drank on xmas eve, woke up early prob still drunk, started on wine at 8, then we had visiters which was my parents. we had then some more wine and a glass of whiskey. i just couldnt say no to it all. at 9-30 i ended up flat on my face on floor with my husband and dad helping me up. so parents left, and i thought better calm down on drink as we was going to mum inlaws for dinner. so we went there, so again i carried on drinking. in end my mum inlaw had to help me home. got home and then got myself another drink at which point as u guess i was pissed. also this point i was blacking out a bit. i again ended up on floor but this time it was my daughter who had to help me up. at which point enraged my husband. and of cause what came next is that they are not going to put up with this any longer and so forth. in end i went to bed. in morning i was reminded what happend night before, as mostly in past is that i had black outs. so that was xmas, and new year was the same. but what was diffrent about new year was i made consience choice to go over the top with drink. as i was slowly coming to a point that i had to stop what i was doing. so i decided 2nd of jan that i would try again to cut down my drinking. i did that for few weeks but it wasnt working out. then i decided after months of thinking is that i will try AA so i went to a meeting in which i ended up having 2 beers becuase of anxiety. but they welcomed me totaly anyway. i felt positive after that meeting. so i went the next day aswell. on the monday i saw my gp and talked to him about what i was doing and he gave me campral, i started that straight away and i went to 4 meetings a week, and it looked like i was getting somewhere, which yeah someways i was, i had cut down to 2 days a week, if bad week it could be 4 days a week. this carried on for 6 weeks. in at which time my mental health wasnt good. i was upsetting people again, even when i had cut down. so to end up this story is that from 1st of march after fighting with a friend and upsetting her when i was drunk is that i took stock about things in my life and decided being sober is the only way to go for now. so here i am day 13 and im sober. with help of AA and campral.never thought i would pass 3 or in end the 5th day struggle.
anyway i hope this wasnt to long for you, and i know that this is early days still but i hope that i can give hope to someone.
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