This is Me ... Shaba

[Shaba]

I have had time to look back into my life to see what my life has been like, because I think it helps to understand some stuff in earlier life and accept it in order to get on with life. As a child of about 6 years or 7, I has sex without consent several times by a caretaker who was much older and I recall him talking to his brother saying how much I liked it. I believed him, he constantly abused me until he left and no-one knew. I still have no idea if penetration really happened, it's physically impossibly right? A fully grown up man and a 6/7 year old girl. anyway, my parents had many physical fights, my eldest brother sometimes had to try and go in between them to try and stop the fights. He was about 12! When I was 12, I went to boarding school, and when I came back during the holidays i didn't spend much time home, I stayed with my grandparents, or aunt who was a nun(I was aspiring to be a nun) at 14years old,I came home and my dad was gone, I had no-one to ask, because my mum and I were not that close. He had gone to our upcountry home and I never got to see him ever again, he died in the year 2000. I wrote to him several times and received no reply. I got to know that he was not my biological father when I was in college, that stress put me in hospital for three nights and I started my search for my biological father only to reach a dead end. He had died a year earlier. His brother's recognized me straight away, and his mum welcomed me with tears of joy, she died a year later saying she had waited long enough too see me and she was happy to rest in peace.I have a half-sister that I have never met. I have worked as a model for many years. champagne has been readily available and I had it, and one glass has led to another and before I knew it, it let to one too many. Drugs were easily available too on the side but I chose not too(one demon at a time!)Thing is, I am shy and to be in front of the camera's I need to be a little wired up, but on the run-way, I can't have a drink, I may trip, so yes, I seem to be able to control it, but why can't I? I no longer do run-way, I hostess VIP functions and the same champagne served. I know how to handle my drink at the functions but when it's over, I go back to my hotel room and keep drinking. I tried Kudzu and cut down and ordered Topo and I am day 2 on it,my skin is a mess, I need my face to clear for work unfortunately so I may have to stop on Topo. This is my story and it's good to write it down.

[Thankful]

This is Me ... Shaba

Shaba, my heart goes out to you. Those things not only should never happen to a child, but to not even be able to go to a parent is horrendous. That had to take a lot of courage to tell your story. But I think the faster people are able to tell their story the faster they able to start healing.

Please tell me you go to see some sort of therapist. I think this is just too much for someone to deal with on their own.

Shaba, the good news is that this program can save you. But you have to put in the work. Get the book and the recommeded supplements. I had to start supps late into my sobriety ($ issue) but I can't believe the difference in how I feel since I've been on them. And I've never taken a med, but that's a personal choice. You know you mind and body better than anyone else. So you find what works for you in that department.

Please read a lot of the inspirational posts. Post as often as you like. There will always be someone here to help. Best of luck to you.

Love, Me
:l

[dexterhead]

This is Me ... Shaba

Shaba,welcome. sorry you've had to deal with such pain. There are so many heart-wrenching stories here but many people find a lot of strength here. and I hope you will as well.:h:h

[Doggygirl]

This is Me ... Shaba

Hi Shaba and welcome! Thank you for sharing your story - I'm sure it must be painful to write about it. I can't even imagine how painful it must be to live it. Like Thankful, I hope you are seeing a therapist to help overcome such horrendous childhood and family circumstances.

Congratulations on seeking help with the drinking issue. I can only second Thankyou's suggestion again! In addition to reading the MWO book (maybe you already have?) and taking the fullcompliment of supplements - not just the Kudzu - I recommend the Hypno CD's as well.

If you look at my current profile you might say "why should I listen to her on only Day 3 of sobriety?" That would be a legitimate question! I had been a daily drinker for nearly 30 years before finding My Way Out last summer. I DID achieve 60 straight days of sobriety by using the book, supplements and CD's. I fell for the temptation that "maybe I can have just one" which put me back on the wrong path. BUT...here I am again, and I'm doing the same things I did before, and feeling good. And this time I know I can make it.

You can too. This program works if you work the program. It's not magic - it still takes determination. But it beats the snot out of being tipsy and/or hungover all the time. And I would hope that achieving sobriety would help as you work through your healing with the sad historic things that no human being should have to deal with at all.

There will be lots more people with way more sobriety than I have who come along to add additional advice and encouragement. I'm glad you are here.

DG
Day 3 AF (alcohol free)

[livingfree]

This is Me ... Shaba

A bold step of cleansing ...

Dear one - Now you have put on paper what you need to get out of your heart. You will heal, there are so many wonderful helps to finish talking this through - I know it will help you in letting go of the alcohol too - Much love to you - this is a bold big step, I am so proud of you. The past can be left right here.
Deep hugs to you
Liv

[tea]

This is Me ... Shaba

Welcome Shaba, you have found a place you can be yourself and speak your mind. Please take time to read round the posts, we are truly global and someone somewhere will reach out to you and resonate with the pain of your past. Welcome again.

Lx

[lucky 2.0]

This is Me ... Shaba

Welcome Shaba.

I am sorry for that friggin bastard did to you!

Enjoy the site and spend a lot of time in the Research Section to get as much info as possible. There is also a lot of light-hearted fun on the boards so I hope you can benefit from that also. Sometimes there is some BS that may last a couple of days but then the site gets its equilibrium back and all is good again.

The subliminal CD's are really excellent.

All the best to you-

[Shaba]

This is Me ... Shaba

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I believe facing everything that has happened in my life is the first step. I also forgot to mention that I tried to commit suicide once. I took an overdose and went to sleep, interestingly I woke up in the morning like nothing had happened, I still do not know how that happened. I didn't even get sick or anything after taking over 10 anti-malaria pills. I woke up right as rain! No headache nothing. I was 13. Thanks everyone once more:thanks:

[Dolly Sunshine]

This is Me ... Shaba

Maybe b/c you weren't meant to die. Welcome. This site is a lifeline. Just to not feel alone is so wonderful.