First, I would like to say "Thank You" to everyone that has posted on this website. I have been reading everyone's comments for the last 6 days.
My story starts about 15 years ago and goes off/on until today. What brought me here was my last bad experience:
After an extrememly drunk night, I successfully woke up, dodged my daughters disgusted eyes and tried to impress my husband with the fact that I was OK to go to work (torture when you commute together.) Knowing my whole family is disgusted with me, I get to work, go to the bathroom to throw up. I am sitting at my desk, altoid in my mouth, trying not to cry, and thinking of something to say when everyone asks if I am sick.
I don't remember much of the night before after 4 glasses of wine, 2 shots of Makers Mark, and 1 beer. I do know that after 2 glasses of wine, I wouldn't have drank the whiskey or the beer.....Why can't I stop at this point??????? What I do vaguely remember is going to a neighbors house, drinking beer from wine glasses (cuz we're so cool) and telling her things about a mutual acquaintence that I had no business repeating. I remember my husband knocking on the door and then the last thing I remember is waking up (dressed thankfully) on my middle daughter's floor with a blanket on me. Why was I there and how did I get there???????????
Back to sitting at my desk. At this point, I really hate myself, I feel soo guilty and I really don't know how I am going to make it through this day. So I google AA to get meetings and times. We just moved back to the area. By pure luck I found this site. I downloaded the book, read half of it and alot of the discussions. I ordered one of the supp packs. i wanted the big one but I don't want my husband to know. He'll just say it would free if I would just stop. Anyway, I made an appointment with my doctor but also ordered Topa from the online pharmacy (which was good because my doctor doesn't fell comfortable prescribing the Topa so he is referring me to Psych). Now that part is frustrating because when we lived in Guam, I went to a Psychiatrist for depression and they put me on Topomax. I didn't think anything about it working with alcohol and when we moved, my husband tossed it. I really wish I had it now.
So it has been a week since my last really bad night. I have been going between AF and just a couple. I haven't got drunk but that doesn't mean anything, sooner or later I'll forget how desperate I was and I'll start slowly dring myself back to that.
Between the website and GNC, I have everything except the All One and Topomax. For some reason I am scared to start a serious committment until I have everything, which means another week until the Topa gets here. I guess I think the more armour I have, the better are my chances of not drinking. I am trying to feel positive about it working but I have failed soooooooooo many times.[/I][/I]
My story starts about 15 years ago and goes off/on until today. What brought me here was my last bad experience:
After an extrememly drunk night, I successfully woke up, dodged my daughters disgusted eyes and tried to impress my husband with the fact that I was OK to go to work (torture when you commute together.) Knowing my whole family is disgusted with me, I get to work, go to the bathroom to throw up. I am sitting at my desk, altoid in my mouth, trying not to cry, and thinking of something to say when everyone asks if I am sick.
I don't remember much of the night before after 4 glasses of wine, 2 shots of Makers Mark, and 1 beer. I do know that after 2 glasses of wine, I wouldn't have drank the whiskey or the beer.....Why can't I stop at this point??????? What I do vaguely remember is going to a neighbors house, drinking beer from wine glasses (cuz we're so cool) and telling her things about a mutual acquaintence that I had no business repeating. I remember my husband knocking on the door and then the last thing I remember is waking up (dressed thankfully) on my middle daughter's floor with a blanket on me. Why was I there and how did I get there???????????
Back to sitting at my desk. At this point, I really hate myself, I feel soo guilty and I really don't know how I am going to make it through this day. So I google AA to get meetings and times. We just moved back to the area. By pure luck I found this site. I downloaded the book, read half of it and alot of the discussions. I ordered one of the supp packs. i wanted the big one but I don't want my husband to know. He'll just say it would free if I would just stop. Anyway, I made an appointment with my doctor but also ordered Topa from the online pharmacy (which was good because my doctor doesn't fell comfortable prescribing the Topa so he is referring me to Psych). Now that part is frustrating because when we lived in Guam, I went to a Psychiatrist for depression and they put me on Topomax. I didn't think anything about it working with alcohol and when we moved, my husband tossed it. I really wish I had it now.
So it has been a week since my last really bad night. I have been going between AF and just a couple. I haven't got drunk but that doesn't mean anything, sooner or later I'll forget how desperate I was and I'll start slowly dring myself back to that.
Between the website and GNC, I have everything except the All One and Topomax. For some reason I am scared to start a serious committment until I have everything, which means another week until the Topa gets here. I guess I think the more armour I have, the better are my chances of not drinking. I am trying to feel positive about it working but I have failed soooooooooo many times.[/I][/I]
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