I thought it might be time to do my story (it may be long so bear with me!)
I started off drinking at about 14 or 15 - and was what you might call normal ( if you can call it that) I would drink on a weekend feel really hungover the next day and then carry on and do this every weekend . When I got to about 18 and was earning my own money this progressed to 3 or 4 nights a week. I remember getting on the bus to work with my best friend and we could hardly see we were that hungover but of course we thought this was hilarious and carried on and on doing the same week in week out.
Around this time I met my husband (at 19) I was also dabbling with drugs at this time (so was he) so we plodded on a few years and then left the drugs behind but continued to drink. We were married at 25 and had our first boy at 26 and then our second boy at 29. These few years were nice I still drank but not so it was a problem - I didn't drink when I was pregnant. It was after my 2nd boy was born that the real problem with my drinking started.
It has gradually got worse over the past 7 years (its my 36th birthday tomorrow!) It seems that I have spent most weekends in a drunken daze struggling to function with daily life - I always manage to pull myself together during the week for work but it is just like a vicious circle. I cringe with embarrasment at what I have said or done the previous night (that's if I can remember) and wonder why I have put myself through this for so long!
I had a bad experience in late 2006 - I found out I had cervical cancer - I was lucky that it was caught early and I had to go into hospital for a hysterectomy ( I was all clear after that) but it was during my recovery that I really hit the bottle although nobody seemed to know!! I would stay up late drinking (I was off work sick at the time) and this would continue day after day.
I realise now that that was my way of coping and have kind of pulled myself together since the start of 2008. It's not good enough though - I want to quit altogether - I know I can never be a normal drinker (I've tried!) I want to get rid of this stupid cycle of drinking at the weekend then recovering during the week just to start over again on a Friday night! It's not good - I know that I am setting a bad example to my kids and want to kick this while they are still young enough.
Well that's basically my story - I love this site all you people are ;lovely and it's reassuring that other people feel like me.
Bye for now xx
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