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    my first step...

    Hello to everyone here, am I glad to read such supportive and positive messages. my family tree is one that has its roots deep in the bottle. my father and brother both have died as a result of the physical effects of alcohol, aged 57 and 36 respectfully. I miss them both and hear their warnings when I look critically at myself and see so clearly how I am following directly in their footsteps.

    I am 42, I drink secretly and openly, I drink at various times of the day, I drink sometimes when I am working, I have been to meetings drunk. Not drunk enough that it's noticeable, just enough for me to be animated and witty. occasionally I miscalculate my trickle of alcohol intake and find myself in a sad pathetic drunk state at home, arguing with my partner and still pretending to be sober... or having only had 'one' glass of wine !

    I started drinking as a teenager and although there have been many years when I have curbed the cravings and been super healthy and fit, its always with me. when I was pregnant, I thankfully was strong and did not feel like drinking.

    Wine is my downfall, most mornings I wake up thinking TODAY I will not drink... then I pop to the shop for groceries and the wine bottle is in the basket... or something upsets me, stresses me or needs celebrating....anything. Somedays I have 2 glasses, otherdays I can drink a litre, very occasionally I will not drink. I leave myself notes to make sure that I remember what I did, who I spoke to and what I said.

    Well that's me, I am sure I will get to know many of you here.
    I AM going to become a person that I love and respect... that person does not drink like I do
    :new:

    #2
    my first step...

    Welcome and good luck. Sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

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      #3
      my first step...

      :welcome:

      Welcome Cedar,

      Read the book if you haven't already. And keep posting. This is a great place.

      Comment


        #4
        my first step...

        Cedar, :welcome: to MWO.

        Perhaps you can download the book and read as many posts. You have come to the right place. There is much good advise to be had here and a lot of shoulders to lean on.
        Have a wonderful day.
        Lori
        *Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert Einstein

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          #5
          my first step...

          Cedar,

          :welcome:

          It sounds to me like you definitely know you have a drinking problem but have not reached a horrible state of drinking yet. Good for you for addressing it now. You can and will save yourself a lot of grief, physically, mentally and spirtually.

          I agree, read the book and see how you want to approach.

          Love,
          Cindi
          AF April 9, 2016

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            #6
            my first step...

            welcome and good luck
            there is no shame in losing a fight,, only in winning

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              #7
              my first step...

              thank you for all the messages ! i am so happy to be here and part of everyones journey... someone quoted recently saying something like "we need to be gentle on ourselves" and i read that 2 ways... (1)if i am too gentle then i go buy lots of wine, (2)if i am gentle i love myself enough to get over this .... so gentle i now take as "healthy" gentle and so now am saying " we need to be healthy gentle on ourselves" NOT EASY ............

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                #8
                my first step...

                Cedar -- I have the same wine problem I am just starting too ... let me know if you need a buddy! Tiny
                Tiny

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                  #9
                  my first step...

                  Hi Cedar - a fellow Safrican! I just joined here today. I really empathise with you and feel the exactly the same way - especially about the wine. I always do the shopping in the late afternoon and by then all resolve has crumbled and that bottle of wine somehow finds it's way into my trolley. I am also wanting to gain some control. I really hope that things are going well for you so far - my thoughts are with you as I try to embark on the same journey as you, in the same part of the world.

                  :new: too!

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                    #10
                    my first step...

                    Hi Cedar :welcome:

                    I'm a wino too, and I for years having been thinking "today I won't drink" in the morning, and "I'll start tomorrow" in the evening.

                    I'm not sure what or why, but something clicked for me about a month ago and I decided to quit, for a while at least. I came on here and read heaps, read the book, ordered the CDs and supplements, and set a date of May 1 to go AF (alcohol free). It is now May 8 and I've had a week without booze for the first time in about ten years.

                    I think that while the book, CDs, supps etc do help, for me the key has been that I have just decided not to drink for at least 30 days. No matter what. Full stop. So even though I have definitely had an urge to drink, it just hasn't been an option for me this past week.

                    Good luck and look forward to hearing more from you.

                    Wooflet

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                      #11
                      my first step...

                      i have downloaded the .pdf book and am chomping my way through it.. also gathering all the bits of knowledge from everyones (thankfully) similar situations. I am NOT abnormal...yeah !!!

                      the best though is having everyone here THANK you THANK you all ....

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                        #12
                        my first step...

                        Welcome, Cedar!

                        No, certainly not abnormal.. unfortunatley

                        Your life sounds very similar to many of us, most certainly me. I am so glad you found us. This place is miraculous! I tried many, many times before and a gazillion other methods, including AA, but nothing clicked until I found this place.

                        I was also a wine drinker with a similar drinking pattern. It was a vicious cycle, one that was so exhausting I can't hardly believe I was able to function - but I did. I was very functional, that was my problem. But now I see I functioned in total chaos, not a great way to live.

                        So, good luck, welcome (again), keep reading, postitng and ask TONS of questions. We are here to help you find your feet as you begin your journey...

                        Namaste,

                        MM
                        Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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                          #13
                          my first step...

                          am i glad i am here

                          I had a brief moment of euphoria thinking just by being here I would solve all my problems... IDIOT
                          all I can say is AM I GLAD TO BE HERE
                          I have had less anxiety SURE and woken up less thinking I am shit BUT think I am realising the consequences to my actions... WHICH ARE NOT GOOD
                          I messaged Hermit saying ..."yeah had similar evening to you, and went to bed feeling healthy and sober...then went to a meeting this morning and found the bottle of wine I did not drink last night" BAD FIND... BAD ME
                          again I can say thank you all - it is a journey x

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                            #14
                            my first step...

                            Hi Cedar and Welcome.
                            I came here in October 2007 and it has made a huge difference to my life.
                            I did the 30 AF days then tried Moderating,works for some but not for me. Today I am 49 days AF all due to the support on this website.
                            You have already made the decision to change so you are on the right road,look forward to hearing your progress.
                            Take care

                            Eastx
                            In life we can live out our dreams its true
                            the one who decides,takes chances,makes choices is YOU.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              my first step...

                              You guys are going to keep up my/our potential, and thankfully the more time I spend with you all, the more I LEARN. Often believing what I do is my downfall, always justifying it ok, or just TODAY its OK tomorrow it will ALL change, new start, healthy me

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