my first step...

[PoppyLittle]

my first step...

Hi Cedar,

I quote "Wine is my downfall, most mornings I wake up thinking TODAY I will not drink... then I pop to the shop for groceries and the wine bottle is in the basket... or something upsets me, stresses me or needs celebrating....anything. Somedays I have 2 glasses, otherdays I can drink a litre, very occasionally I will not drink. I leave myself notes to make sure that I remember what I did, who I spoke to and what I said" Your words are my world, thank you, it makes me feel so much better that others have the very same problem. Good luck I am sure you can win your battle, I am on my first day AF and yes I will wake up tomorrow and hopefully it will be my 2nd AF day.

Thank you again for your honesty, I have not been brave enough to admit my reality.

Poppy

[cedar]

my first step...

Hi Poppy - and WELCOME !! i have managed to get to day 10AF - i am so excited and happy. I could NOT have done it without MWO...never ever ! My honesty still stays only on this site. I have not admitted to anyone about 'my' reality. As many have said... they know... they just polite ! But the absolute joy of sober days is just increadible. My first few days here were still a drunk haze, but i read the book you can download, and am reading reading everything I can on MWO. I am not on any medication, but am consciously eating healthy food and drinking huge amounts of tea and my favorite at the moment is ginger, lemon and green tea !! I honestly pat myself on my back every morning and send thanks to finding everyone here. This site is FILLED with amazing love and best of all place where honesty is completely supported no matter what you need to share.

You are going to settle in here and find strength within yourself you did not know existed, and days when that strength may be hard to find, you will find you are being carried along by some angels here...
love cedar x

[PoppyLittle]

my first step...

Thank you Cedar, and well done on your 10th AF day you [b]should[/B] be very proud, keep up the back pats! This is the most awesome place, so many friendly and kind people, I do not acknowledge me AL problem to anyone so it is great to be able to actually put it out there! I woke this morning feeling bright with a clear head and am planning to wake feeling this good every day from here on. It is the most superb autumn day here, warm and bright sunshine, I have done the horses and I am just about to take the dogs for a walk before spending the rest of the day at the desk.

Have a very good day, I will, and thank you all again!

Poppy

[retteacher]

my first step...

Cedar & Poppy: I too said, "Today I will not drink" many, many, many days. I finally realized that if I had to say that to myself I must have a drinking problem (duh). Normal drinkers do not say that when they wake up in the AM. In fact, they don't think about booze hardly at all. That's where I want to be. I know now that I won't be able to have the occasional drink. It just shoots me back into my old life of drinking every day. So, I'm working on abs one day at a time. Mary

[cedar]

my first step...

retteacher;330927 wrote: I finally realized that if I had to say that to myself I must have a drinking problem (duh).

i love that !!

[Doggygirl]

my first step...

Hi Cedar. I am just now reading your story and it made me smile towards the end where you are feeling so happy about reaching your 10 days AF! Hopefully that's 20 something by now. I am on my 4th and hopefully final AF start - today is Day 11. Like retteacher and others, I *experimented* with moderation which led straight back to daily excessive drinking. It's gotta be AF for me, and that's that.

I was LOL at your comment about writing down everything you did, etc. so as not to forget anything. I used to do the same exact thing. Looking back on the deterioration in handwriting throughout the day, it's laughable that I thought "nobody would notice." I'm sure I was slurring just as much in my voice as in my handwriting.

It's so nice to feel free of all that paranoia and guilt and hiding, isn't it?

I hope you will keep adding to your story and keep us posted on your new AF life!

Best wishes,

DG
***********

[cedar]

my first step...

19 AF + AL = 0 AF

hi DG - thanks for your message...

i got to day 19 AF then my weekend has been a 'bit' social with good friends arriving unexpectedly to visit.... so have not gone over board at all but am back to day 0 AF.

Next weekend I have another batch of good friends arriving, so plan to start a 30 day after that.

Will not drink during this week at all. and definatly not back to sipping (not so) merrily away while i work, drive etc. I did want to get a 30 day AF completed before deciding whether to moderate of abstain...

i think having done these AF days my belief that people were not aware i was drinking so much is almost funny . . . what was i thinking - duh