And move on....
I would like to share with you my story of my past childhood....Well i was the youngest out four, two brothers and one sister. The first think that always comes in my mind i remember being 3years old that scared me was when my dad picked up my older brother who was 6yrs old and throw him across the other side of the room where he hit his fore head on the wall and fell flat on the floor. All because he put a small hole in a pack soup.
we all got a taste of my dads madness. He was a heavy drinker and did drink every day, he work for a berwery company called trumans. I hated it when my dad would come home from work you would never know what sort of mood he was in. Good moods turn to Bad moods and when he was angry he would just get out of control and did not know how to control his anger.He would get his belt out and beat us with it. If not a bamboo stick. He would always shout abusive words at us. we could never do nothing right in his eyes, we was always told we were no good for nothing and just put us down never praising us for anything what we did achieve or giving encourgment where it was needed.
I remember once we went to southend on sea for a shortbreak, i was only six at the time playing like you do at night in bed. my dad burst into the room never turn the lights on and put one hand over my mouth and the other around my neck just to warn me to be quite. Not sure what happen but that shout me up for a few years. Never said much, always that shy person that never said a word. There was once my dad felt guilty when he beat my sisiter with a 2inch wooded stick and it broke in half he had nightmares and had to throw the stick away.
we never really celebrated our birthdays and i never look forward to christmas always ended up shouting or arguing or in voliences.
I know my dad was not right in the head later on he suffered with a breakdown when we were all small but that never give him the right to physically and menally abuse us.
I have not mention my mum yet the reason is because she just stood to one side and did not try once to stop my dad from hurting us. Knowing she could hear the crying and the screaming from her own children. she never had the courage to throw him out. I keep asking my self questions that i know i will never get the answer to the questions. I have learn to except this now and move on.
We all was effected in different ways my older brother got the worst of it. He suffered with despression at the age if 21 until the age of 32 where he past away from cancer.(god bless him) we did once go to family counselling group sessions but my dad soon put a stop to that. My sister has been very bitter and angry all the time.( cant blame her) my other brother has a drinking problem and has been in trouble with the police and in prison. Me i have also as you know have a drink problem and find it hard to express myself and lack a lot of confidents in differet situations.
when i first started here i mention how my mum past away two months before i got married. But the worst was when my brother past way two years afterwards really cut me up. I dont think i really grief probably. I know now i should of had conselling then. Oh my dad felt guilty after my brother past away, the guilt was eating him alive slowly i could see my dad suffering and become a very lonely old man. After my dad past away i had trouble with my sister where we did not talk for 8years, Thats another story!
Three years ago i worked for the NHS(National health services) in child protections for a little while i realize reading through other childrens cases that i was a victim and it sadden me very much how it still goes on.
The main thing is im still here and alive!
51days af for me still got a long way to go but its a start.
Thank you for reading and taking your time.x
love
Teardrop.x
I would like to share with you my story of my past childhood....Well i was the youngest out four, two brothers and one sister. The first think that always comes in my mind i remember being 3years old that scared me was when my dad picked up my older brother who was 6yrs old and throw him across the other side of the room where he hit his fore head on the wall and fell flat on the floor. All because he put a small hole in a pack soup.
we all got a taste of my dads madness. He was a heavy drinker and did drink every day, he work for a berwery company called trumans. I hated it when my dad would come home from work you would never know what sort of mood he was in. Good moods turn to Bad moods and when he was angry he would just get out of control and did not know how to control his anger.He would get his belt out and beat us with it. If not a bamboo stick. He would always shout abusive words at us. we could never do nothing right in his eyes, we was always told we were no good for nothing and just put us down never praising us for anything what we did achieve or giving encourgment where it was needed.
I remember once we went to southend on sea for a shortbreak, i was only six at the time playing like you do at night in bed. my dad burst into the room never turn the lights on and put one hand over my mouth and the other around my neck just to warn me to be quite. Not sure what happen but that shout me up for a few years. Never said much, always that shy person that never said a word. There was once my dad felt guilty when he beat my sisiter with a 2inch wooded stick and it broke in half he had nightmares and had to throw the stick away.
we never really celebrated our birthdays and i never look forward to christmas always ended up shouting or arguing or in voliences.
I know my dad was not right in the head later on he suffered with a breakdown when we were all small but that never give him the right to physically and menally abuse us.
I have not mention my mum yet the reason is because she just stood to one side and did not try once to stop my dad from hurting us. Knowing she could hear the crying and the screaming from her own children. she never had the courage to throw him out. I keep asking my self questions that i know i will never get the answer to the questions. I have learn to except this now and move on.
We all was effected in different ways my older brother got the worst of it. He suffered with despression at the age if 21 until the age of 32 where he past away from cancer.(god bless him) we did once go to family counselling group sessions but my dad soon put a stop to that. My sister has been very bitter and angry all the time.( cant blame her) my other brother has a drinking problem and has been in trouble with the police and in prison. Me i have also as you know have a drink problem and find it hard to express myself and lack a lot of confidents in differet situations.
when i first started here i mention how my mum past away two months before i got married. But the worst was when my brother past way two years afterwards really cut me up. I dont think i really grief probably. I know now i should of had conselling then. Oh my dad felt guilty after my brother past away, the guilt was eating him alive slowly i could see my dad suffering and become a very lonely old man. After my dad past away i had trouble with my sister where we did not talk for 8years, Thats another story!
Three years ago i worked for the NHS(National health services) in child protections for a little while i realize reading through other childrens cases that i was a victim and it sadden me very much how it still goes on.
The main thing is im still here and alive!
51days af for me still got a long way to go but its a start.
Thank you for reading and taking your time.x
love
Teardrop.x
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