I know I wouldn't be here if everything was okay. I did a search on how to cut down alcohol and found this place. Friday morning I decided I was giving up alcohol for a week at least. I only lasted until last night. Then I drank a bottle of wine, on my own lonely and upset.
I have gone through such a horrible year, I can barely believe that i'm still sane so I guess I didn't really think about how much I was drinking and justified it. I've lost pretty much everything in the past year. A year ago I moved country to be with my fiancee and where he was from. So I left a job, friends, family etc. My drinking there hit new levels. He and his family are heavy drinkers and he used to order wine by the box load. Wine is my downfall, open a bottle and I'll finish it. It's a very long time since I've put the cork back in a bottle. Anyway, most evenings were spent drinking wine and arguing. My social life was gone, he never brought me out saying he couldn't afford it. Then he cheated on me, I found out immediately and packed my bags and came home. It meant leaving another job, my home etc. But I rathered do that than committ to a dishonest person. Initially when I arrived back I didn't drink. I had too much to sort out and I guess I knew once I started I wouldn't stop. It's the last time I remember doing anything constructive and feeling well.
Then the drinking started again. A bottle of wine every night almost, sometimes even more. Of course that led to phonecalls to him when drunk and turned into a vicious circle.
Truthfully I don't think I'd be here only my health is definitely suffering. I constantly suffer from anxiety attacks and I have linked them to when I've been drinking the previous evening. I've been getting chest pains, severe headaches and palpitations. I was at a Doctor who I wasn't entirely honest with, told them about all my other products so they assumed I was suffering from stress (which I am). I recently lost my job, not due to the drinking - I think I'm quite good at hiding it but I don't want to HAVE to.. I just don't want to be hungover in the first place. I see other people who are in bed by 11pm, quite happy and can fill their days constructively. I spend most my days waiting for them to finish because I'm wrecked. Then it gets to 9pm, I open a bottle of wine and I'm up until 1am, 2am because I don't want to go to bed although I can't get up in the morning then! When I haven't drank or don't drink I'm the complete opposite, eat healthy, take care of myself, exercise etc but does days are so few now it frightens me.
Tonight I'm not drinking, only having water. Fair enough, but if I feel great again tomorrow that's when I'll think I deserve a bottle of wine in the evening and I'm back to square one. I don't think I've totally crossed the line, hence why I'm here. I never drink during the day and lately I have cut back on the no. of nights. I need to do something though before I've totally crossed that line.
I have gone through such a horrible year, I can barely believe that i'm still sane so I guess I didn't really think about how much I was drinking and justified it. I've lost pretty much everything in the past year. A year ago I moved country to be with my fiancee and where he was from. So I left a job, friends, family etc. My drinking there hit new levels. He and his family are heavy drinkers and he used to order wine by the box load. Wine is my downfall, open a bottle and I'll finish it. It's a very long time since I've put the cork back in a bottle. Anyway, most evenings were spent drinking wine and arguing. My social life was gone, he never brought me out saying he couldn't afford it. Then he cheated on me, I found out immediately and packed my bags and came home. It meant leaving another job, my home etc. But I rathered do that than committ to a dishonest person. Initially when I arrived back I didn't drink. I had too much to sort out and I guess I knew once I started I wouldn't stop. It's the last time I remember doing anything constructive and feeling well.
Then the drinking started again. A bottle of wine every night almost, sometimes even more. Of course that led to phonecalls to him when drunk and turned into a vicious circle.
Truthfully I don't think I'd be here only my health is definitely suffering. I constantly suffer from anxiety attacks and I have linked them to when I've been drinking the previous evening. I've been getting chest pains, severe headaches and palpitations. I was at a Doctor who I wasn't entirely honest with, told them about all my other products so they assumed I was suffering from stress (which I am). I recently lost my job, not due to the drinking - I think I'm quite good at hiding it but I don't want to HAVE to.. I just don't want to be hungover in the first place. I see other people who are in bed by 11pm, quite happy and can fill their days constructively. I spend most my days waiting for them to finish because I'm wrecked. Then it gets to 9pm, I open a bottle of wine and I'm up until 1am, 2am because I don't want to go to bed although I can't get up in the morning then! When I haven't drank or don't drink I'm the complete opposite, eat healthy, take care of myself, exercise etc but does days are so few now it frightens me.
Tonight I'm not drinking, only having water. Fair enough, but if I feel great again tomorrow that's when I'll think I deserve a bottle of wine in the evening and I'm back to square one. I don't think I've totally crossed the line, hence why I'm here. I never drink during the day and lately I have cut back on the no. of nights. I need to do something though before I've totally crossed that line.
but I feel good, taking my vitamins, drinking lots of water and envisioning myself as a sober, happy, healthy person. We can do this. We really can. Good luck to you and look forward to getting to know you!
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