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**LVT25** · July 20, 2008, 02:06 AM

Its time to step up

Hi there,

Thanks for sharing so honestly. Since you like to read, have you read "My Way Out" yet/ It can be downloaded or purchased here. I think its a great program. I think you realize you have a problem, and its time to do something about it. There are a lot of success stories here, and lots of support. I myself started here the end of February--I was drinking 8-10 beers almost every night, and now I haven't had any alcohol for 50 days. Plus no real desire for it. Because it can be dangerous to detox, its best to talk to your doctor before quitting though. Hang in there--it is so worth it-- your kids need you--all of you!:h

**SpiritGirl** · July 20, 2008, 02:35 AM

Its time to step up

Hi,

As you will soon find out, there are so many of us that can relate to your situation and your desperate desire to change. I have a 14 yr daughter, a 13 yr old son and a 19 yr old step-daughter (whom, although I am divorced from her father, I am still raising and putting through college). My drinking was not always out of control. During and after my divorce is when it progessed. There were many factors that lead me to the comfort of "self-medicating" with alcohol - lonliness, new-founded freedom from a miserable relationship, boredom and the fact that I simply LOVE the taste of good wine. It makes me feel good - the taste, the "buzz". UNTIL NOW... It progressed from a social desire, to a comfort, to an obsession. It started to get in the way of so many important things to me - my appearance, my work ethic and most importantly my roll as a mother. I often times made promises to my children that I didn't remember or simply were too outrageous to follow through with. I acted completely inappropiately in front of them, often times embarassing them. I spent WAY too much time in bed with a hangover when I could have been "hanging" with my kids. Home cooked dinners became less and less. And my house was not kept up in a manner that a mother should. My problem progressed. And I am sorry to say that I believe yours will too if you are not able to make changes...

You are so blessed to have found this website. Because of the community here I just completed my 21st day of being alcohol free. When I first joined MWO my goal was to learn tools to "control" my drinking. I was not ready to accept the idea of not drinking anymore at all. And there are many people who come here and DO learn tools to moderate. I, however, am becoming ADDICTED to no hangovers. I am becoming addicted to cleaning my house, spending more time talking with my kids, grocery shopping, watering the flowers, laughing and smiling! My head doesn't hurt anymore... I enjoy my mornings with a cup of coffee and checking in here or reading a magazine. I am becoming more and more addicted to feeling GOOD on a daily basis.

This change has been an adjustment. Very tough at times. But it is SO worth it. The benefits are ten fold and I can look at myself in the mirror without self loathing. Although my original plan was to moderate, I am at a point that I don't want to take a chance of giving this new feeling up. And thanks to the people here that share their stories, I have learned through their mistakes! Which is why we are here - to find support when we need it and to give support when we have it.

Do not feel alone and afraid anymore. I have not been able to share any of this with anyone outside of MWO and I do not feel alone in my journey at all. And thanks to the advice and comraderie of the others here I have had 3 weeks completely free of the burden of alcohol. I wish for the same peace for you.....

Stick around and embrace all the support I know that you are going to find here...

**freeme** · July 20, 2008, 02:59 AM

Its time to step up

thanks so much for the encouragement - I read the posts with tears streaming down my cheeks and the absolute relief that I have opened up at last

**Bandit** · July 20, 2008, 04:31 AM

Its time to step up

Hi freeme and welcome!
Just to say hello and to say keep coming to the site for advice and support. I have been around here a few months now and have gone from a nightly drinking habit to now really questioning my drinking habits and doing something about them. I have managed quite a few AF days lately and feel so much better for them. I have drank three days this July so far and felt so crap the next day in each case, it's just not worth it and drink is no good for me. I am a psychologist too by the way so I know where you are coming from on the work front - I feel so hypocritical giving advice that I cannot even stick to myself.
Best Wishes,
:h
Bandit

**startingover** · July 20, 2008, 08:50 AM

Its time to step up

Hi Free,
This site is amazing and the people SO very supportive. You are not alone. I can completely resonate with your story. You have made the right decision to help yourself.
All the very best of luck on your journey. You can do it you know.
x

**jessie** · July 20, 2008, 10:14 AM

Its time to step up

Hi Freeme,
Your story is so familiar to mine. Divorce(s), loneliness, the stress of raising young children all alone, and the "freedom" of not being accountable and being able to drink without anyone knowing. My kids were to small to notice or know! And then the disease progressed and progressed. But there is hope and lots of it. This site has helped me tremendously and my re-commitment to studying the Bible and growing spiritually has brought me to the point where I have more AF days every month and are actually on day 9 AF today,9 consecutive days. A year ago I was drinking myself to sleep every single night.
Take heart - you have reached turning point. A lot of us use Antabuse and that helps the first couple of days or weeks.
I'm sending you love and support.
Jessie.

**freeme** · July 20, 2008, 09:07 PM

Its time to step up

Day One

Well, after drinking last night today is the day when I will be AF!
I am nervous and scared and VERY excited!
I am so tired of being in the trap - I want to lead a normal life and get things done!
I have brought the book - downloaded it - and cant wait to get home tonight to print it and read it.
I will be spending time looking through all the posts as I find them so inspirational.
Thanks everyone for the support!

**DeeBee** · July 21, 2008, 06:10 AM

Its time to step up

Hi Freeme,

My thoughts are with you on your first AF day!!!

:groupluv:

**Sunbeam** · July 21, 2008, 06:12 AM

Its time to step up

I guess you know that journalling can be a great tool for self improvement. And here, you get support and lots of feedback with individual perspectives.

Remember that you deserve to get your life back. Make a plan that can work for you. Others will tell you what worked for them, but only you can decide your own plan and steps. If you have already gone AF for a day or two without terrible things happenening, I don't personally believe you need to see a doctor. So much depends on how much alcohol you have been consuming, over what timeframes. I know I would die before fessing up to my doctor, though in all honesty he probably suspected my problem.

Reading and posting here no matter what is the most powerful tool.

**cuckoosnest83** · July 21, 2008, 03:49 PM

Its time to step up

Freeme, it is so good to see you post. I have been on this site for 10 months and just recently found the courage to post a thread about my drinking. Use whatever tools are at your disposal to help beat this addiction. I too had hoped I could moderate but I know I can't. Anytime you are feeling down or feel like drinking start a thread and you will get responses from the wonderful people on this site. I don't if I could be so open anywhere else. I wish you the best and much success in your endeavor to quit drinking.

**freeme** · July 21, 2008, 07:19 PM

Its time to step up

I did it!!

Thanks so much for all your encouragement and support - last night was my first night AF - felt a bit strange but I was tired before I knew it and went to bed and read my way out. Had a few wakeups with sweating and a bit of anxiety but actually nothing as bad as I thought which was amazing. My 4 year old daughter woke up at 3.30am and that freaked me out because I have never gotten up to her in the night before - I felt really bad as normally I would be passed out and sleep through it!
Woke up this morning with a clear head - a bit of anxiety but felt so good and actually had lots of energy. Am at work now and even though I want to reward myself for being AF last night - by drinking - I am determined not to drink tonight...
I have made a list of all the things that I wanted to get done but am always too wasted to do at night and I am going to work my way through them. I realised last night that I love my bed but so rarely do I get to enjoy it. Also waking up this morning and not feeling guilty about what I might have done in front of the kids.
I do feel free and havent realised how much shame I have been carrying around with me

Thanks again for all the support

**Carmac** · July 22, 2008, 08:56 AM

Its time to step up

Freeme....do let us know how your day went!

This is do-able!

**SpiritGirl** · July 22, 2008, 11:02 AM

Its time to step up

Free,

I hope that you are stil feeling determined... Please keep coming back.. Either to celebrate your accomplishments or to share your setbacks.. Either way, we are here!!

**A Work in Progress** · July 22, 2008, 11:27 AM

Its time to step up

Wow. I just posted my first entry, then looked at yours. I am a psychologist, too, hence a lot of additional (and unnecessary) shame about having this kind of problem.

Best wishes!

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