Its time to step up

[freeme]

Its time to step up

I stuffed up

well, I didnt make it through the night - thought I would have a bath and sat there with a coffee mug of wine and a coffee mug of tea - tried to fight it but ended up giving in - thought I would just try a couple of glasses of wine but ended up passing out.....
So now am back to day one - I woke up this morning feeling terrible and now I am wishing I had the willpower to stick it out last night as I would have felt so good!

[time2change]

Its time to step up

Freeme
Glad you came back and were honest about how you are feeling. There are many people here who had to start over many times and ended up being successful. You can not fail unless you stopp trying as some our wise members will tell you.

[rightmind]

Its time to step up

:new:
I finally got it. "Alcoholic" refers to the craving - and I know where THAT gene came from. The behavior and choices part I have to take responsibility for. Oh. Can you tell I'm a psychologist, too? I don't want to live my life around wine, and I'm tired of the calories undoing my noble attempts to lose weight. My psychiatrist added Topamax to the list of antidepressants (we're all in the field for a reason). This is day 8; I'm up to 50 mg. I think it's starting to work? Reading the posts in the Topamax Survey thread has helped me know what to expect so I don't give up on the Topamax too soon. Having people that are on the proverbial same page is also quite a boost.

[A Work in Progress]

Its time to step up

Hey, free, how are you doing??

And (off topic!) it seems like there are a bunch of psychologists around here. Is there a way to set up groups, interest groups, and so forth? I'd love to get more discussion in with other psychologists, and other mental health professions as well...

I am sadly reminded of the life and death of a psychologist I knew fairly well, professionally. He was highly respected, very well liked, very visible in community stuff. A lovely, giving man. Seemed to be totally well put-together. And then one day he just killed himself. It was an utter shock to nearly all of us who knew him... he had a history of drug abuse, apparently, and had kept it hidden, and I guess he relapsed. And saw no alternative but death. God, that shook me up... But that was years ago.

This business is very, very serious...

[freeme]

Its time to step up

Wow Jez that is really sad isnt it....very serious business.
How are you going with your cutting down....
I had one AF day this week and havent managed to do it since. Dropping my daughter to school today and she informed me that "no other girls at school have an alcoholic mother" - it really hurt so much....I am going to try to do it again tonight
I dont think I realised how hard this was going to be...and so hard to admit I have such a problem and think I am hiding it from everyone!

[A Work in Progress]

Its time to step up

Free, I hope it goes well for you this evening. As for me, instead of trying to cut back, I am just ditching the booze, probably for good. I have done this before, 3 or 4 times, successfully for varying lengths of time (up to 3 years). It seems as if there just comes a time when I am so sick of it that the motivation (and disgust) are just boiling over, and that gets me over the first few days... and after that, it's much easier.

This time I am doing the supplements (but I sure don't like that powder stuff, at least not in V-8, hoping it's better in a fruit smoothie... ) and waiting to get the Topa. Sitting meditation, and some walking (no big huge goals, just "some walking, kinda fast").

I broke down and ordered the hypno-CDs and will give them a chance. I really want this time not to end in another decision to start up drinking again...

On the other hand, I am a great believer in the "harm reduction" model. I am quite sure that my health has benefited from each and every day that I have been AF, over the years. And if there are times, again, when I relapse, or return to an attempt at moderate drinking, then at least I will have had the benefit of clarity and a lack of the remorseless shame of all that drinking, for these past couple of days...

Mindfulness practice (meditation) really helps... the practice of repeated shifting of attention is helpful during those times when there are persistent urges to drink. Noticing the urge, stepping back just a bit, labelling it as "just an urge," and re-directing attention to something else is a great tactic.

Stick around, stay in touch...

[rightmind]

Its time to step up

The "powder stuff" in diet cranberry juice is pretty good. Plus, I feel virtuous for drinking cranberry juice. Also, I think they have a pill/capsule form for people who don't want powder.

How terrible for that psychologist - and everybody left behind.

[budd]

Its time to step up

Dropping my daughter to school today and she informed me that "no other girls at school have an alcoholic mother"

I think we all suspect that can't be true...

You can do it!

[Pagan]

Its time to step up

I hesitate and I hesitate. I just don't know.
Other than a couple of stretches, only days at a time, I have had wine every single day since my wife left...........in 1999. I work, put in hard days. I keep horses and when I get home the work really starts. The minute I've changed and am heading out to do chores, I grab a glass of wine. Throughout the evening I will have 3 to 4 glasses. Never get tipsy, never pass out, then stop have something light to eat and then go to bed. It's not the quantity of daily consumption, it's that I have been doing it for 8 and half years without fail. On the weekends, I sometimes count the minutes to 12 noon, just to have my first lite beer for a Saturday.....but I still work the day around the ranch and am productive.
I eat healthy, no smoke, I distance run and do the occasional marathon.
In the beginning it was a crutch. Now it's just accepted. Am I an alcoholic?

[A Work in Progress]

Its time to step up

Hi, Pagan. Maybe some important first questions for you (rather than trying to give you a quick answer) would be these:

• What do you not like about your drinking?
• In what way is it harming you or holding you back?What might happen if you were to take a day, or a few days, without the wine? And, what does it feel like if you think about doing that?

That's a really nice photo for your avatar-thingie!

[jessie]

Its time to step up

Hi Pagan,
If you can skip the wine for a couple of days and do it with ease then you probably don't have a problem. Normal drinkers can take it or leave it with no bother. If you can't, well then you most probably have a problem or are developing one.
Let us know to what conclusion you came.
All the best.

[boozehag]

Its time to step up

Hello newbies welcome - you are so not alone there are plenty of us out there!
A lot of people on here find that if they first of all arm themselves with as many of the tools recommended in the program that they can get their hands on then they are more prepared for the big AL fight. It is hard but it can be done and there are plenty of success stories on here to prove that. Its a bit like doing a marathon or climbing a mountain you dont just go out there the first day you decide you are going to do it and run the whole thing or climb that mountain (we wish!) you have to prepare physically and mentally and build up gradually to achieve your goal. Plan plan plan..... Figure out what your triggers are and make sure if at all possible you avoid them like the plague (which they are)!
Hope this helps.
BH (no more)

[Pagan]

Its time to step up

Jessie, A Work in Progess....thank you for responding. BH thanks for the words of welcome.
I have skipped days as a test, and have done it easily. It was actually the anticipation of whether I could do it that lent more worry or stress. It came quite naturally and after the first evening came and went without wine consumption, I then sat back and said "What was all the worry about?" It was actually just the first glass after work. For about an hour I would think something was missing, but as I proceeded with the evening, it was forgotton.
Then the weekend would come, or just 3 or 4 days would go by and I would think "Hey, no problem", and realizing that would then have my 3 or 4 glasses with chores on the 5th day.
To ask myself what I don't like about the drinking? It would be that I have spent a lifetime being health conscience. Not just something I stumbled on in my late 20's, or 30's but an athlete and a distance runner since jr. high.........so, my fear is that I may be doing harm, real physical harm.
Alternatively I enjoy the feeling of the first sip after work and the winding down from the day, and the idea of not having that would diminish a quality of life I enjoy.

Thank you for the comment on the avatar. It's my horse with a North Dakota backdrop.