Hi Ian,
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how badly you must hurt. This is no consolation but you are not unique. Many people have gone through similar problems and so are doing it now. Believe it or not, some have it worse and have gone through even worse situations but they have come out the other side better men or women than before.
You are doing the right thing by going to AA. Keep it up and use all the support they give you. I went through similar events in my life years ago. I helped to destroy my marriage, my home, my finances, etc. I know I hurt my two sons terribly by not being there for them literally. I drank and did drugs until my wife left and I was so selfish and into addiction that I thought that was the answer to my problems.
Alcohol and drugs (including tobacco) ruined my life and robbed me and my family of untold happiness. Fortunately, I stopped drinking one day at the time 23 years ago. By the grace of God and with the help of AA, I've not had to pickup a drink or a drug since that first meeting I went to.
My life is better now. It is incalculably better, I'm married again, rebuilt my life, my relations with family, friends and my higher power. Just hang in there. Have courage and faith. Stay sober and try to work the 12 step program of AA. You will change your life in incredibly good ways!!
Blessings to you!!
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