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    #1

    will i ever learn

    Hi...Im new here.Help Im slippping down that slippery slope...again...ive been down this road so many times before...I have so much to live for, my childre, my family, goals, ambitions, I even have a new relationship and yet I stil cant stop.
    Its always the same..the cycle.I hit a rockbottom low, feel shame, guilt the whole range of emotions ...I promise myself and my loved ones that I have learnt a lesson and for a while it seems like I have.I hold back from drinking,maybe just having a glass or two with dinner a few times a week but slowly, slowly o;ld habits and destructive thoughts sneak back in and make themselves a home..until finally i lose it. I give in. I listen to the irresponsible sellfish childish thoughts and excuses.."i deserve this". everyone needs to cut loose now and then etc etc and before you know it that one drink in the pub has turned into a full on session supported by my drinking buddies, im having a ball, lapping up the attention, meanwhile my daughter waits and waits for me to pick her up from school. By this time I know im going to be late so i book her into after school care. I have convinced myself that shell be fine..that im fine. Eventually i get into my car and drive home. Not that i can remember doing that.Luckily my teenage son picked up my daughter and they are waiting. They are both in tears..all the rest is a blur.
    I wake up feeling sick...sick of me, sick of this filthy disgusting habit that has caused so much pain to myself and others in my ife. I hate myself right now and i dont want to be comforted. I dont deserve it. Dont worry I wont do anything stupid, (been there done that):new: I have so much more to say ...I hope there is someone out therre who will get back to me....
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    #2
    will i ever learn

    your post touched me... It is not easy for your children but making the first steps to get help should show you that you have recognised you have a problem, one that is impacting on all areas of your life. Dont give up giving up .... Good luck
    ?We are one another's angels?
    Sober since 29/04/2007

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      #3
      will i ever learn

      So many of us here are in a vastly different time zone, so it will usually take a few hours for you to receive replies. This is a very caring community. There are many here including moms of young children, who will support you. Many stories here like yours. We all hate ourselves when we drink, and have followed the same stupid path, over and over like you. You could also post under the Just Starting Out section, which gets more traffic. It takes a little time to figure out the system, but if you keep reading, posting and develop a plan, you will succeed here.
      My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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        #4
        will i ever learn

        To Answer Your Question?

        Yes, you will learn.........if YOU want it enough! Only you know when your cut off point is. The sad thing about it is that not all of your loved ones will wait for that. I don't speak out of spite but from my heart.
        I so wish you well
        Take care!
        Shas
        Just keep on swmming, just keep on swimming!

        Comment

          #5
          will i ever learn

          Until I made being SOBER the most important thing in my life,I was on the roller coaster of DRUNK/SOBER DRUNK/SOBER until it was almost the death of me.I started bleeding internally and I know for sure AL will kill me,if I let him..
          sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

          Comment

            #6
            will i ever learn

            Hi drowning,
            Sounds like a really bad afternoon/evening. I'm glad you found us, because "MY Way Out" really does work for so many. I recommend you read the book first, read some posts around here and go from there. There's so much more to it than willpower. There are supplements that help, and for some medication, among other tools.
            We can learn to make good choices!

            :welcome:
            _______________
            NF since June 1, 2008
            AF since September 28, 2008
            DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
            _____________
            :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
            5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
            _______________
            The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

            Comment

              #7
              will i ever learn

              Hi Drowning,

              Your post touched me, because I am feeling very low today myself. Really REALLY low. I have made my kids cry too. And been passed out when I should be safely picking them up from school.
              After drinking myself silly last weekend, I promised myself an Alcohol Free September. Then yesterday, driving home from work I went and picked up some beer and drank 8 or 9. It was like I was a robot going to the liquor store. I can't even tell you what my reasoning was to give up my goal for the month. My husband made me feel like crap about it and here I am today hardly able to keep my eyes open. I am truly addicted. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Just know that all of us MWOer's are here for reasons just like yours. I am going to pick myself up and dust myself off, and start over again. (Like that goofy song) That's all we can do, right?

              Good luck to you...:l

              Comment

                #8
                will i ever learn

                Welcome drowning
                The only thing that helped me stop is what Evie said .Being sober has to be the most important thing in your life.It is the most important thing I do each day NOT DRINK .When I first started down the road to recovery I was very selfish but I had to be, I had to be my number one priority.If you think about it nothing is more selfish than drinking.This site will be very helpful for the support and information you will need to deal with the biggest problem in your life.
                Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
                Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
                AF 5-16-08

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