My Story

[time2live]

Well this is my very first time here and here is my story. Thank you in advance for your input.
This is difficult to even begin but I drink every single night of the week/month/year. I drink red wine almost exclusively and I just went to the kitchen to measure out exactly how much I drink each night in ounces -- +/- 16 ounces per night. I know this is not a great deal to some people and I keep telling myself I don't have a problem because I:
- Feel fine when I wake up
- Hardly ever drink more than my 2.5 glasses (16 oz)
- Rarely drink during the day (only once or twice/year at special events)
- Never drink too much when out in the evenings
- Am productive during the day

However, the little nag inside me says I probably do have a problem because I:
- Drink every night
- Don't consider going to bed w/o my wine even when I arrive home very late
- No longer read at night but only watch television -- not sure if I would read again if I didn't drink or if my not reading is unrelated to alcohol.
- Look forward to 7:00 PM when I begin my wine
- Don't like going out at night even if the place does have wine because I'd rather be home with my wine watching television (weird, huh?)

I have been doing this for a long time. I don't even know how long exactly but probably between 10 and 15 years. I really don't keep increasing the amount I drink, but I'm sure I must have gotten to this amount over time. My husband doesn't mind at all and I'm sure he doesn't think I have a problem. He may have one or two beers a week and certainly isn't a "drinker". I held down an extremely stressful job and just retired three months ago. I didn't have a sick day in 20 years. It is expensive. I never drank while my children were home.

My Dad (died at 67 of lung cancer --he smoked too) was definitely an alcoholic. I hated this growing up and I'm sure it's what stopped me from drinking for as long as it did. Even though I never drank when the children were living at home, I think two daughters have a problem. One started in high school and the other after college. Both function well but I lie awake at night worrying about this. I wish there was something I could do.

Even though I tell myself I don't have a problem, I can't make myself stop. I did order the book and tapes a year ago and did read it and did listen to the tapes and did think it was worthwhile, it wasn't enough to make me stop. I also ordered the L-glut but it didn't seem to have an effect on me.

I sure would appreciate your thoughts. I'm just beginning to realize I don't think I'm going to be able to stop drinking without some sort of help or I would have already done it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Time2live

[Evie.Lou]

My Story

This is a Great place to get help...You don't have to get falling down drunk to be an Alcoholic.From what you have said it sounds like the drink is taking you instead of you taking the drink(other wise you could STOP if you wanted to).Alcoholism is a progressive disease and if the Drink has started taking you then it is pretty well sure to get worse..AL is keeping you from being envolved in the world outside your chair and the TV...Al is a LAIR and a Thief...Stop now before he hurts you any worse..

[tlrgs]

My Story

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv: DO YOUR BEST STAY STRONG AND THINK POSITIVE

[time2change]

My Story

I don't think you would be here if you didn't really believe this was a problem. I think you should stick around and read and post here often. Read the book and do whatever it takes to help you. We will all be here to support you along the way.

[gyco]

My Story

you seem to be doing not to bad in my eyes,you recognise it could get worse,your one step ahead of most,as far as anyone else[family] they have to recognise they have a problem,theyll just get annoyed with you and make you feel bad,i no,if any advice i could give is see a private councillor and also come here we give lots of support gyco have a good evening and if you cant quit moderate and you seem to be doing that

[nancy]

My Story

Well it sounds to me like in some ways you have this really under control. I suppose you might worry that since you just retired things could become problematic? With all that time on your hands and no job during the day, you might get bored and need to make sure drinking does not scale up.

Also, I guess you are psychologically very dependent on it, even though it isn't a huge amount.

I wonder if the reason you haven't done anything about it is because it isn't causing you any probems in life, with work relationships etc. So you need to find another reason.

How is your weight? I think that much wine is probably going to cause weight gain. It also increases breast cancer risk. And you don't like the fact that you are kind of in this antisocial mode, with wine and TV.

This is your retirement time now so maybe it is time to make a change. There are a number of books that address changing habits, like How to Quit Drinking without AA. They advise shaking up a few habits as a trial run. Are you habitual with everything you do? Are you a bit obsessive about things?

Maybe what you should do is try making a change on one night of the week, for that night you have none. Plan something out that is not wine-related. And some of the other nights have 1 glass instead of 2.5. And come here for support.

With retirement so new, this is a time for your life to really change, make sure changes are for the better!

Nancy

[sadheart]

My Story

Hello

Reading your story, sounds like mine. Although I could get through a bottle of wine in one night, at least a couple of nights a week, I mostly shared a bottle with my hubby, 7 nights a week.

I think I became dependent on wine because I have had such a horrible 5 years, although I began drinking red wine at least 15 years ago. I would look forward to sitting down, and unwinding, every evening, watching t.v, like yourself. It became a habit, one I didn't want to let go of, because it was a crutch for me.

I knew after my mum died, that I had become more dependent on the stuff, but I used it as support to help me over her loss, and carried on drinking regardless. Then my sister died a horrific death due to alcholism, (one she kept well hidden) until the last 2 years of her life. I carried on..again...regardless, and even with the image of her on her death bed, didn't stop me. Even when my health started to suffer, heart problems, weight gain, spots, hair falling out, bad tempers, lack of patience with my kids, poor memory, lack of concentration, loss of control over finances, no libido..I could go on and on...I still carried on drinking.

Then my brother in law died about 8 weeks ago, of a heart attack brought on by severe alcoholism, and PING, the light went on. He was only 44 and left 4 kids behind. He was a good kind human being, just like my sister and I thought, that's it. I found this site and have began to moderate, it's taking it's time, but I am getting there. Last week I had another 6 days acolohol free, and drank almost....almost a bottle of wine, BUT I didn't polish it off, like I would have done, and you know what...I didn't enjoy it, in fact I regret drinking it, not because I felt that I had left myself down..but simply because I didn't get anything from it.

My sleep is starting to improve, and I am finally beginning to enjoy getting through the day without the usual feelings of guilt, and I am hopeful that I can stick to moderation, as so far so good.

Perhaps, you could cut down slowly, like I did. It takes a lot of determination and will power, but if you want to cut down or stop that badly, you can do it. Please don't give up, the health benefits are worth so much more than that feeling of relaxation or buzz you get from drinking wine.

I aim to drink 1 night a week, and to not have to finish the bottle. I am lucky that I am doing this with my hubby, and you are lucky that your husband doesn't depend so much on it. Start off with making sure that you limit the amount of alcohol readily available to you. If it's not there, it's easier. Have a soak in the bath, read, listen to the radio, to fill that gap, when you normally have a drink, and hold out on the "Witching hour", mine was 9 o'clock, when I would start to crave. Substitute the drink with another non alcoholic drink, just the feeling of holding a glass, might be enough, and GOOD LUCK.

[time2live]

My Story

I am amazed by your responses. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. I am now thinking it really is going to help just to be able to talk about this issue. I have never talked about it to anybody before I wrote my first post yesterday. I believe I will reread the book first of all and perhaps find more books on how to quit drinking without AA.
Nancy, your post is really insightful. Yes, I do believe I have not been able to quit because I don't think I am too badly off. However, I recognize that I'm not living my life to the fullest. Also, I do have a lot more time to think about it now than ever before. And yes, I am fearful my drinking might increase since I do have time now and don't have to worry about working the next day. I hate that I am all by myself with my television and my wine (and my computer on which I play solitaire). When I worked, I thought it was my way to unwind from all the tension of the day when I had to direct people all day long. Now I feel antisocial. My weight is fine but I work at it with diet and daily exercise. It would be wonderful to not have to work so hard to keep the pounds off because I drink less.
Sadheart, you sound as if you're doing really well now. I can't even imagine only drinking my wine one night a week. However, I am going to try, beginning tonight, to cut down a little on the amount I'm drinking. You mentioned you had sleep problems and so do I although I've never connected them to alcohol. I wake up during the night for sometimes three hours. During that time I usually am too warm and I worry like crazy, mostly about my children and grandchild. Then I fall sound asleep in the early morning hours and sleep later than I'd like. I wonder if this is alcohol-related. If so, it would be another wonderful reason to stop drinking.
I feel really hopeful right now and really glad that I posted. It wasn't an easy thing for me to do but yet I feel my life is limited by this stupid habit/addiction. Thank you so much. Will let you know tomorrow how I do tonight.
Time2live

[sadheart]

My Story

Hi time2live

Your sleep pattern is just as mine was. I would go off easily, then wake up fretting about everything, usually very hot, and with palpatations. It is drink related, I am sure. I would then fall asleep when it was time to get, and had to get up for the kids schooling, then I would be a bear with a sore head, and couldn't function properly all day.

It does seem very daunting to begin with and you will give in, but don't take that as failure. Tomorrow is always a new day.

This is a wonderful site with lots of very experienced people who will always be willing to help.

Keep visiting, it really does help.

Take care

[nancy]

My Story

Yeah, I think that you seem to have so much together really but you have this genetic link to alcohol and deep down you realize that you are dependent, even though it is so controlled. I just do wonder if you have this issue of not letting go in other parts of your life. And maybe your change of job could be a catalyst for the better and not worse. After all, what a huge routine change. No daily stress, no need to start at 7.

why do you still do it?

I bet you are intelligent and know that there isn't really a reason and as you said it is holding you back. Maybe it was some kind of security blanket you held through your working days and now it is time to change. Changes of life sure can be scary but sometimes they bring good things.

Any kind of psychological dependency is a drag, like a ball and chains. No wonder you want to shake it off. My advice: Taper down! Introduce some new things to your life. And honestly, I think you should be proud you kept it under control but not too complacent because I think health risks start at your level and a bit lower. If you are a by the book person, look into recommended limits for alcohol for women and if you can stick to that, well hey, leave yourself alone and enjoy life! I think it's 9 drinks a week (drinks are smaller than the ones you have) and alcohol-free days are recommended.

[time2live]

My Story

Nancy, you seem very wise and yesterday I thought a great deal about the points you and other posters brought up. In particular, I wondered if I am obsessive or compulsive or a control freak in other areas of my life. I am still pondering that, but I don't really see it now. I have had a rather structured life though due to having an extremely high-pressured sr. executive positition in a large company for a lot of years. It was necessary to be pretty efficient and organized in order to succeed, particularly having children and a husband too. And so I was forced to get up really early, get certain things done, work hard (often way over 40 hours) and come home and get other things done. I think the alcohol and the television was a way of just sort of spacing out and relaxing for me. I started drinking at 7:00 because that was the earliest I could, really. I made sure I was always in bed by 10 also or I couldn't have gotten up at 5:00. Now with no job, I have an almost totally unstructured life!

I am happy though and have always had a pretty good life. I am constrained though by this beast that uses up every single evening. But I do enjoy it too. I just don't want it to stop me from doing things which ocassionally it does because I'd rather be home.

Well I read that 5 ounces is an acceptable amount for a driink and that one a day is allowable for a woman (not my 16 ounces)! Last evening I cut that by an ounce or two. Yes, a baby step but I'll do it again tonight I hope. The thing that bothers me a lot is that I wake up in the night, sweaty and unable to sleep for hours at a time. I'm hoping that if I cut back enough, I'll sleep more soundly.

I also think that posting here and writing this out (excuse the length of my ramblings) helps me sort of think through my rationales and helps me think about change. Your comments help me think about things differently and consider new avenues. I'm very happy and hopeful and am intending to ratchet down my amounts to begin with and perhaps do the 30 days AF if I can.

Thank you to all.

[nancy]

My Story

Hi there

Just to clarify, I didn't mean to imply you were a control freak! Oh, I hope I didn't. I guess I asked about the compulsive thing cuz it hits at the same time and you have 2.5 glasses, not 3 but 2.5!

Sounds like you do have reasons to quit and also that you have much to be proud of given that you have kept it under wraps.

Good for you to seek help on it to improve life. In addition to cutting the number of ounces you could take a day and have nothing. Sundays and Mondays are good for that.

I wish you very good luck and hope you stick around on the site.

[Sunbeam]

My Story

FYI, a standard drink is 5 oz, so you are really consuming just over 3 per evening. One 5 oz. glass of wine per day is the recommended limit for a woman, as cited in the MWO book.

My husband retired this spring, and I might go part-time next year. My drinking has primarily been during unstructured time, so more of that time on the horizon is one of my motivators to get this problem under control.

I agree with the thinking that you should try to mix up your life more. Retirement is a time you have earned through hard work over the years. You are already limiting your new options with your evening drinking routine. That's not what I would want for my retirement years. This should be your Time2live!

Also, as you age, you will have more health problems. Alcohol makes most health problems worse. Here's one link: http://www.neraf.org/documents/AC%20...%20Impacts.pdf

The community here is great, and the support very powerful. Keep reading, posting, setting some goals for yourself. You can make it happen.