I (45 and female) came across this site while waiting for registration on Al-Anon. My problem with alcohol started in my 20s. I amazed myself (and those around me) with the amount of alcohol I could consume and remain upright, coherent and - to those not near enough to smell me - appear completely sober. Even the hangovers were minimal. I was never a regular drinker, but an occasional binger. My binging carried on throughout my thirties. Never having had kids or any dependants I was free to do as I pleased and enjoyed my lifestyle. I lived with a ?stupid? alcoholic for eight years and ironically this curbed my drinking to some extent as I tried to remain sober to avoid the nasty confrontations we had. Got rid of ?stupid?, moved town and got a new life ? didn?t take too long to set up a new social circle of alcohol consuming buddies. Six years ago I was offered a job managing a pub (I?m an accountant by profession). This led to more regular drinking with occasional binges ? hell the booze was free now. My alcohol of choice was red wine with the occasional Jack. The binges became more regular and eventually I started to experience black outs when drinking three or more glasses of red wine. Problem was/is that I?m addicted to red wine ? pull up a bar stool and I?m ordering a glass. Amazingly I was still able to ?hold a pose? and manage to remain upright until the porcelain bowl and I had our board meeting. I resigned from the pub almost three years ago (liver half intact) and joined up with my present partner helping him run his manufacturing businesses. He is an alcoholic (57 years old) ? a bumbling, lovable, entertaining drunk. This was never been much of an issue because (bless his soul) he would curb his drinking when we were out to make sure I got home safe. In the first year or so we would enjoy our alcoholic splurges together ? nothing better than sharing a good drunken laugh with a mutual admirer. Then business got tough and we both started to crumble. I?ve never been a ?home alone? drinker and alcohol is not really my issue ? nicotine is my crutch ? I developed a 60 a day habit, and he a bottle of brandy a day habit. Because the hangovers were starting to annoy me - and I know I have difficulty entering a pub and leaving after two drinks - I curbed my visits. My three or four night a week habit became a once or twice a week small binge - is there such a thing 
? Earlier this year gall stones and jaundice reduced me to a tea drinker ? yes even at the pub. I?d still have my binge but only once or twice a month ? still have a 40 a day ciggie habit. We recently sold the business and are now between occupations (stress level is down but worry level is up) and plan to set up a business from home. I haven?t binged in over two months and hope to keep it that way.
But here we sit - with cash on hand and more due to come in ? no real direction, just some sort of idea ? one alcoholic and one nicotine addict. My partner left home at 2pm yesterday to have a couple at the pub. When I opened the door to him at midnight he had blood streaming from his elbow, a gash on his knee, a take-away in one hand and his car keys in the other. He could barely walk. He?s a big man ? 6ft2, strong and muscular ? it?s difficult trying to assist him to bed let alone get him to the loo and clean up the cuts and bruises. These binges have only occurred in the last several months because I don?t accompany him to the pub as much. He goes off to the pub partly to escape me as I?m not the nicest person in the world at the moment and am getting frustrated and angry with him because I cannot enjoy his drunkardness in the way I could when I was drinking myself. He is also becoming a less lovable drunk ? somewhere in the haze he senses that I am angry with him and retaliates. I understand this and am trying to find help for myself in coping with his binges - but my central need is to help him. He is too terrified to take the step of joining AA and I know he does not want to stop drinking ? he?s been a heavy drinker all his adult life. We live in a smallish town and his proud and sober mind cringes at the idea that he was falling down drunk in public but the cringes only occur at the onset of the hangover ? a problem I?m sure we all understand so well. He drinks daily - at home and/or at the pub ? ranging between ? and a full bottle a day (think yesterday was 2 bottles), with the occasional day (possibly two) off. 95% of the time he handles the alcohol well and shows few outward signs. The other 5% he can be quite out of it after ? bottle. Is there any hope of a 57 year old lifelong heavy drinker becoming a moderate drinker? In the almost four years I have known him he has ranged from between two bottles to seven bottles a week. The seven bottle weeks were few and far between but are moving closer and closer together now. As the alcohol increases so does is his desperation. I love this man dearly and want him back in my life - not on the sidelines waiting for the next binge. He is a very religious man (but not church going) and prays daily for God to help him to stop drinking. Unfortunately he does not trust mankind as much and (mainly because his pride is terrified a councillor may know him through business or social dealings) stubbornly refuses to discuss his problem with anyone other than me.
Any advice?
PS : he says he?ll stop drinking if I stop smoking ? and I?ve retaliated with I?ll stop smoking if he stops drinking :yeahright:
Twomiddleagedkidsdesperatelyseekinghelp
? Earlier this year gall stones and jaundice reduced me to a tea drinker ? yes even at the pub. I?d still have my binge but only once or twice a month ? still have a 40 a day ciggie habit. We recently sold the business and are now between occupations (stress level is down but worry level is up) and plan to set up a business from home. I haven?t binged in over two months and hope to keep it that way. But here we sit - with cash on hand and more due to come in ? no real direction, just some sort of idea ? one alcoholic and one nicotine addict. My partner left home at 2pm yesterday to have a couple at the pub. When I opened the door to him at midnight he had blood streaming from his elbow, a gash on his knee, a take-away in one hand and his car keys in the other. He could barely walk. He?s a big man ? 6ft2, strong and muscular ? it?s difficult trying to assist him to bed let alone get him to the loo and clean up the cuts and bruises. These binges have only occurred in the last several months because I don?t accompany him to the pub as much. He goes off to the pub partly to escape me as I?m not the nicest person in the world at the moment and am getting frustrated and angry with him because I cannot enjoy his drunkardness in the way I could when I was drinking myself. He is also becoming a less lovable drunk ? somewhere in the haze he senses that I am angry with him and retaliates. I understand this and am trying to find help for myself in coping with his binges - but my central need is to help him. He is too terrified to take the step of joining AA and I know he does not want to stop drinking ? he?s been a heavy drinker all his adult life. We live in a smallish town and his proud and sober mind cringes at the idea that he was falling down drunk in public but the cringes only occur at the onset of the hangover ? a problem I?m sure we all understand so well. He drinks daily - at home and/or at the pub ? ranging between ? and a full bottle a day (think yesterday was 2 bottles), with the occasional day (possibly two) off. 95% of the time he handles the alcohol well and shows few outward signs. The other 5% he can be quite out of it after ? bottle. Is there any hope of a 57 year old lifelong heavy drinker becoming a moderate drinker? In the almost four years I have known him he has ranged from between two bottles to seven bottles a week. The seven bottle weeks were few and far between but are moving closer and closer together now. As the alcohol increases so does is his desperation. I love this man dearly and want him back in my life - not on the sidelines waiting for the next binge. He is a very religious man (but not church going) and prays daily for God to help him to stop drinking. Unfortunately he does not trust mankind as much and (mainly because his pride is terrified a councillor may know him through business or social dealings) stubbornly refuses to discuss his problem with anyone other than me.
Any advice?
PS : he says he?ll stop drinking if I stop smoking ? and I?ve retaliated with I?ll stop smoking if he stops drinking :yeahright:
Twomiddleagedkidsdesperatelyseekinghelp
?We are one another's angels? 
ray:
or drop and fetch him.
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