Tomorrow is my day...

[yogagirl]

Hi.
I have been lurking and posting when I feel I can be of some assistance. But I have been postponing "my story" for quite some time so here goes....
My mother originally gave me up for adoption. I was in another home for several months before she decided to take me back and raise me. I have felt all of my life that she made a tremendous mistake and should have left me with whomever was going to adopt me.
I have been drinking to alleviate emotional pain for some time now. It started off in my late twenties. I enjoyed drinking with my friends. I was free to explore what made me...me.

I got married to a wonderful man. He seemed so capable. We had a steady income and family life. Then I got pregnant. I panicked at first because I knew I would not be able to drink while pregnant. It wasn't so bad.

[startingover]

Tomorrow is my day...

Hey Yogagirl, you were doing great there. Just keep it going whenever you are ready to. Here to listen when you need an ear.

[tlrgs]

Tomorrow is my day...

thankx for sharing .. love to hear more from you stay strong and think positive

[gyco]

Tomorrow is my day...

welcom yogagirl we have lots of listening ears here,you seem to be handling things quite well did you have the baby curious gyco

[yogagirl]

Tomorrow is my day...

the rest of my story....

Thank you for your posts! I didn't realize the post was sent because I didn't hit the submit button.

I had a hard time during both of my pregnancies. I drank one glass of wine with my first and 3 with my second. Both of my kids are in the gifted program at school but my second child is classified gifted with specific learning disabilities (dyslexia). I feel sooooo guilty. I know it must have been the poison I put into his bloodstream. He also suffers from allergies and asthma.
My husband travels pretty much during the week and I have to raise the kids by self. For some reason, the mundane chores of everyday life are alleviated with wine! I find I get my second wind after working all day at a stressful job. I am able to do laundry, homework with the kids, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, etc. a lot easier with a little buzz. I am tired of feeling guilty over the amount I drink. Last night I drank a bottle and a half of wine and went to bed at 10:30...was at work at 7:00 a.m. and was totally paranoid that someone would smell the wine working its way out of my system. I have read so many self help books and have even tried the dreaded AA. I tried a two week intensive rehab that helped me stay sober for 10 months. I spend an embarrassing amount of money on wine per month. I have developed a knack for the "good" stuff...well...better stuff. I spend about $15-20 per bottle and I drink 2 bottles per night. I splurge once per week on my favorite Sauvignon Blanc which runs $46 per bottle! How can anyone in their right mind blow through this kind of money for nothing? How can I consider myself an intelligent woman and know what I am doing is damaging my body and my children's well being?
I got my topa today and I am scared shitless..pardon my French. I want and don't want to take it. I have cut down in the last two weeks to one bottle (sometimes 1.5) per evening using the l-glute and Kudzu. I just can't imagine my life without "the buzz" and the sleep it allows me. I am a type A personality and my mind constantly races 24/7 without a "forced passout" from drinking.
Thank you for listening. The non-judgmental environment on this site is no doubt instrumental to the success of countless people struggling with this awful condition.

The other day I read a post that said "we know you without knowing you because we have all been there". I was so touched by that and it brought me great comfort because I can't talk to anyone else about this. That person gave me the OK to be easy on myself and not so judgmental of my shortcomings. I do keep trying.

Today was supposed to be my day....maybe tomorrow will now that the Topa is here.