Here Goes

[Pyes]

I'm not really good at expressing myself in writing or words for that matter. I will give it my best shot. I started drinking when I was 12 hanging out with the boys on a Friday night my Mum was at the pub so she had no idea what my brother and I got up to.
The thing is I never drink in moderation I never do anything in moderation. If I'm going to drink I drink until I pass out and I remember nothing of the night before. This last year my drinking has become really bad I drink pretty much every night, at least 2 bottles of wine.
On weekends its a bottle of vodka as well as wine.
I'm tired I'm so dam tired I dont even enjoy drinking anymore but that voice in my head is unstopable I cant get it to shut up. My drinking is starting to effect the way I look after my kids because I'm hung over all the time I'm yelling at them my oldest is always looking after the youngest because I cant be bothered and it's wrong and I HATE myself for it SO MUCH. I HATE who I am.
I'm just lost and I'm drowning right now.
Pyes :upset:

[Calinurse]

Here Goes

Pyes,
Don't beat yourself up over what has happened just fix it by trying to make simple changes at first. I don't know how old your children are but maybe try getting out of the house with them during the time you want to drink in order to distract yourself. Are you trying the supplements and Topamax? Hang in there...change is diffcult but children ARE worth it!!

[Pyes]

Here Goes

I dont have any meds yet, my hubby thinks its a waste of time and wont work. He says it just comes down to willpower. My youngest is 3 and my eldest is 12 I have a 7 year old as well. I lost my first son to cot death and my first daughter was stillborn I think thats why I get so mad at myself if anyone should know the value of being a mother it should be me. I have a plan to go for walk when ever a craving hits which is usually about 3.30pm when the kids get home from school. Normally by 5pm when I start dinner I'm well into my bottle of wine. Unfortunatly it just seems to make witching hour easier to deal with. Its really sad when you cant remember saying goodnight to your kids or even if you ate dinner. I gotta beat this thing my kids deserve so much more.
Pyes

[Pyes]

Here Goes

Right now I'm strugglin I dont where else to write this so I'll just write it here. Normally by this time of night I've pretty much finished a bottle. I havnt touched anything and I'm shaking real bad my kids are fighting I'm crying and I dont know what to do. My skin is itching seriously I dont know if I can do this. It hurts so bad :upset:

[bloggy]

Here Goes

Pyes

I do feel for you- have you read up on withdrawal symptoms? It can be a little dangerous to just stop cold turkey without any meds.

Others may shoot me for saying this, but when I come off it after a long binge I have to wean myself over a few days.

There are also meds you can get to help you with this- I am not sure it is a great idea just to stop so suddenly after such large amounts of daily drinking.

[vlad]

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I agree with Marbella, I suggest seeing your doctor to get some meds if you want to stop straight away. Going cold turkey can be dangerous if you've been a daily heavy drinker. Is it possible to cut down until you get your supps and meds?

[Pyes]

Here Goes

Thanks everyone I got through the night all be it a sleepless one. I just stayed on the couch as I didnt want to disturb hubby. But I did it I didnt drink for the first time in a cant remember. I'm ok today still alittle shaky a bit jittery but my head is ok. Will it get any better or will tonight be like last night?? Thanks for your support.
Pyes

[carebear]

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withdrawal

Dear Pyes
in my experience, i would get yourself to the doctor, or go to the ER if you can't get an appointment because when I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night the withdrawals were horrendous especially if you had vodka as well, i did the cut back to the one bottle, before starting this latest withdrawal but a week b4 that took myself to emergency because the anxiety was too much, it's bloody hard and you did well to get through the first night, but if it gets too much don't even care what other people think just get help, the ER isn't that busy where I am and I was given valium to help with the shakes and anxiety. Then I went and did it again, back to ER, admitted for detox for 3days, then again, so this time too embarrassed to go back but determined not to give in again, I'm over the worse day 4 now, day5 normally back to functioning, it can be dangerous doing on your own, i've been so bad even my legs wouldn't hold me up, never going down that road again, i wish you all the love and hugs you need.Let us know how you are doing

[Calinurse]

Here Goes

Pyes,
I am so sorry to hear about the terrible losses you suffered prior to having your 3 children. Losing a son and daughter back to back is more tragedy than one should have to endure. I hope you were able to find good support groups following that to help you through the most difficult times.
I just wanted to say that I am so glad you did it!!! (If only for one night) I am actually on Day 2 AF and feel pretty good. My husband and I typically drink 2 bottles (each) of wine a night. Just think of all that money wasted. I had been taking the supps and Topamax for 2 weeks but was continuing to drink and really feeling pretty bad. So I stopped the Topamax and am taking only the supps. In addition, I began taking my Zoloft again which I believe helps with the anxiety of trying to quit. Anyway, I don't know how long this will last but the one thing I do tell myself when I feel the urge to run out to the store for the usual is how great I feel the morning after not drinking!!! Isn't it great to remember what discussions you had w/ your kids the night before and yes... that you had dinner and did homework w/ them? Keep up the good work. I have 3 kids as well ages 10,7 ,and 1. The other thing that keeps me feeling like I want to continue is that I have not lost much of my post-pregnancy weight and I know it's all because of the wine.
As far as the shakes that people refer as being dangerous during alcohol withdraw the most severe form is called Delirium Tremens or DTs as we referred to them in the hospital. If you managed stay w/ only the anxious/shakiness and didn't become confused/disoriented/or begin hallucinating (which I'm sure your husband would notice) then I think you will be fine.
Take care and keep in touch

[Pyes]

Here Goes

I apreciate all your words of support but I ended up getting really sick I know its a cop out and I am so sorry for letting all you people down but not any more than myself. My hubby has decided that he will let me order the meds as of seeing my state today. He actually went asnd bought me wine and I'm sorry to say but I feel so much much better. I'm pathetic I know.:upset:
Pyes

[allen]

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No I don't think you are pathetic. Look - you are moving forweard - step by step and never backwards - don't think of anything other than that and remember the final goal is not this evenings goal - but this evenings goal is the important one for today!

I know that sounds bollocks but keep going forward - look at the support you are getting .

Good luck.

[Seacailin]

Here Goes

Pyes
Try not to beat up on yourself. It won't help at all. I agree with the others about withdrawal. I went to the ER and got some Ativan to help me withdraw. I seriously could not have done it without medication. I then tapered off the Ativan, and now take supps only. You can do this!! We are here to help. Just take One Day at a Time. Best wishes.:l

[Evie.Lou]

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My heart goes out to you..There are many people here, including me, that have been in a place like you are in...I see alcoholism as a disease,just like cancer..If you had cancer wouldn't you do research to find out more about it and then find the best kinds of treatment to help you get well again???The SAME NEEDS TO BE DON'T WITH ALCOHOLISM...You have taken a huge first step coming here.Now you can research what to do about your disease and follow thru what a plan of treatment..you do not have to live like this any more..now you have access to YOUR WAY OUT...Stay close and post often..We are here to help and we can get thru this TOGETHER..

[Cinders]

Here Goes

Pyes,

I agree with everyone else. Do not beat yourself up. That only leads to more drinking. Trust me.

If possible, you could try drinking less and less each day until you get your meds and supps. That will only make things better. Truly.

Carebear,

I am very proud of you for not giving up. It can seem so hopeless sometimes but it really isn't. I fell many times before finding my way out. It will happen.

Love,
Cindi

[Pyes]

Here Goes

Well I only drank one bottle of wine. Mind you thats all hubby bought home but hey I didnt beg him to go get more, so a little step in the right direction. I'm not hung over but I'm still a little shaky and bit anxious I dont know why. I've ordered some L glut and kudzu and some other stuff, I dont know how long it will take to arrive I hope not to long. Thanks again, your support means everything.
Pyes