Finally brave enough to be truthful

[Boss.man]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Welcome! I think your experience is not unlike many people who are isolated by a profession that infers status. Teachers, Airline Pilots, Police, and others all engage in careers where they work in a solitary role even among other people, and have a profession to be counsel and role model for their clients.

Hopefully you'll find this forum a great place to unwind and let it all out, and learn from us as we learn from you.

[time2change]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that you will find some very wise, supportive people on this forum who will be able to offer great advice and support. Sorry that you feel so alone, but if you come here often you will get to know many here and you will begin to feel like you are never alone. Welcome!!!

[SKendall]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Welcome. Thank you for posting your story, I hope you hang out with us for a while and receive much needed support.

[Seacailin]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Hello and Welcome
I can relate to so many parts of your story. AL was taboo in our household growing up, and I came to find out why. Dad was a binge-rage drinker who verbally and emotionally abusive. He was highly critical of me. I would be physically beaten if I brought home a lower grade than a B, so I was pretty much forced to be a high achiever. I had to excel in everything that I did. Subsequently, I have always been filled with fear and anxiety. My drinking got out of control as a way of self medicating my anxiety, which, in turn, only produced more anxiety. I am a Registered Nurse and have attempted to get help from colleagues and superiors, only to be shot down and humiliated, even terminated from a couple of jobs. I always thought Honesty was best, but for me, it did not pay. I do go to AA meetings, which can get pretty hairy, as sometimes I see former patients of mine there, but I am willing to go to ANY lengths to stop the madness. I am not sure where you are from, but in my area they have meetings that are exclusively for professionals. I have not checked them out yet. I am fairly comfortable at the general meetings. This site has been amazingly helpful to me. I hope that you find it the same. I did read the book, and I do take the supps. I love the L-Glutamine. Half a capsule under the tongue has gotten me through some intense cravings. I am going to order the Topa, and give that a shot as well. I am very happy that you are here. Stay close by. We can help.

[It's Time]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Thank you for such a warm welcome.
I have spent the day privately smiling to myself, so glad to have made a decision to act, and to have received such kind messages. I don't feel so alone...
In fact, I am home alone right now, and I'm quietly sipping my red cordial, tuning in to MWO and doing some reading... and I'm not drinking. Having this forum here, on the desk in the study is amazingly powerful as a tool for support, and as a motivator. It's great.
I have decided to do all three modalities- the suppliments, the Topamax and the hypnotherapy. Making that decision has made me feel more positive and hopfeul than I have ever felt about my prospects of beating this.

[A Work in Progress]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Good for you, Time! Do keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. You'll find that it helps you, and it helps us, too. There are several ongoing threads that are great at supporting people in their goals.

wip

[Evie.Lou]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Dear Time, You have the right attitude.That is sure to go a long way in helping you BEAT THE BEAST...Let's all dig a Huge hole and shove all the ALCOHOL into it...Then bury it 6ft. under...Are ya with me??

[periwinkle]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Time 2 change,
Hi, welcome! Your story was very touching. I can't help but wonder if at least some of the professionals in your field turned a cold shoulder because that might mean they would need to consider thier own addictions? Of course that's just speculation, but one never knows. Whatever their reasons, keep looking and find other people who do support you.
I am blessed to have support at home, but I find that the support I am getting here is so important because everyone knows where I'm coming from... they have been (or are) exactly where I'm at. They "get it". I have been blown away the times I've gotten on the live chat and have talked realtime with members of this forum. Some have been from other parts of the country and some from other parts of the world! Wow, that's some support system! I am also seeking out acquaintenances who have brought up AL issues in the past in casual conversation (one his own AL problem and one who goes to alanon as an adult child of an AL) and I am receiving support from them too. Seek support and I believe that you will find it.
I also like what Nancy said about developing the relationship with yourself. I can so relate to that. My own self is the one who I am really answering to. It was easier for me to look at myself in the mirror this morning than it has been for quite a while.
I too am here for you.
Thanks for sharing,
Periwinkle

[FindInverseGetIdentity]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Hi It's Time -

Welcome - and thank you for your opening post.

My, the pressures of the world do weigh on a doctor - I have always believed that - but to have your pressures, too....do we, as patients, ever think that?

I thank you for making us wake up, and know that all might not be well on the other side..

Also, our doctors may need help themselves....or at the very least, may understand, what we need. You are a blessing to have in our midst.

(Sorry, I am a teacher, waxing philosophical happens)

I don't take meds, just supps, and am getting what I need - but meds, can get gotten.

Ask away, I can tell may experience with supps.

You will make it,

Figi

[It's Time]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Well Team, I am facing my first real challenge tonight.
I am going to a dinner party, a birthday party, where usually I would lead the charge so to speak, as I am usually relied upon to keep the mood lively (probably too lively by the time I've drunk too much a-hem). In fact, my usual style would be to have a loading dose or two before I even got there.
Today, is really different. I have really taken to heart what you have all said in this and many other threads. I don't actually want to drink today. I went to bed and woke up the past three morning so very excited and proud (and feeling so un-hungover) that I want THAT feeling, and NOT the drunk one.
I am stopping past the store to get some diet coke to take with me instead. I have made a decision to tell the group I am on anti-biotics as the reason for my not drinking. This advice has come from my mother, who has said that keeping this journey a private one will make it easier for me, and I think she's rpobably right.
I have really been reflecting HARD on nancy's post about coming to deal with loneliness, and face it sober and accept it, and also to re-form a new, healthy relationship with myself. I believe that a lot of my sadness lies in that, and I am going to work pretty hard right there, I think.
Holy Moly, wish me luck, I am NOT GOING TO DRINK TONIGHT.

[startingover]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Time, I wish you all the luck in the world. You are on your way!!!

[nancy]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Glad to see you are feeling optimistic! I do think that drinking allows a voice to a lot of emotions that we try to repress or find painful, incl lonely feelings. We wind up with parts of ourselves that are neglected. But if we start allowing those emotions to surface and deal with them compassionately while sober, we get stronger and they seem less overwhelming over time. Meditation is so helpful for this, even in very small amounts of time.

I forget where I read this now, but it's a good idea to every day pick even one thing about yourself that you like, focus on it and build on that over time.

[A Work in Progress]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Good for you, Time. You have a good plan in place, and great attitude, and determination. Taking your own non-alcoholic drink is really important... I always do that if I am going to a party at someone's house...

The question of who to tell what, and when, is often difficult to grapple with. Sometimes it is just not safe, professionally, to be too open about this problem. Socially, however, when I am with a crowd of people, often including some I do or have worked with... they know very well that I have been a heavy drinker (even if they do not identify it as a "problem" or an addiction), and it's pretty obvious to them when I am not drinking. The "why" question comes up even if they do not voice it. And the "antibiotics" line only works once or twice! I have just taken to saying that I feel much better when I do not drink at all, and that I have made a renewed commitment to keeping toxic stuff like alcohol out of my life. And both of these are true. Hell, one of the things I do professionally is teach about wellness, including meditation. People should not be totally shocked if I am working at embodying wellness!

wip

[SAUSAGE]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

Just read your story Time and Welcome
I can really relate to many parts of it;
I too am a health care professional - perfectionist / high achieving traits - very self critical. Had to work incredibly hard to gain a place at a London teaching Hospital - took me 5 years to get accepted, resat entrance exams etc but graduated with 2 prizes in my final year. I was not a high achiever at school - just hard working / tunnel vision etc!!
Can relate to your comments about alcohol from a child's perspective. My parents were the "cool" type that thought giving alcohol to children was good and I was given small amounts from a young age. My mother said it was good to give children alcohol as "it stops them being alcoholic when they are older. If it is like a forbidden fruit that you can't have til adulthood , you will go on to have a drink problem !!"
Didn't drink that much as a student during my 5 yr training - like you couldn't afford it, also was a health and fitness freak then running marathons!
Alcohol consumption did go up post qualification due to stress at work, particularly as a senior house officer in hosp - used it to relax. switch off from work problems etc but never drank excessively as had to work in morning.
My problem began when I was at home with my first (and subsequently second child) as I developed PND and once I'd stopped breastfeeding, alcohol consumption increased drastically to about 50 units a week! drinking every night about a bottle of wine a night. I then needed a hysterectomy and became depressed again post op and things got worse. Went on 2 courses of antidepressants but off these now -sometimes think this was a mistake.
I do practice part time now as I dont' want to get de-skilled and it provides and excellent balance from being at home from the kids which I also find stressful but in a different way!!
Realised I had a problem at start of this year. Interestingly my husband - also a medical doctor doesn't think I have a problem!! he too is a serious wine drinker but probably not an alcoholic.
Did 108 days AF earlier this year then tried to moderate - found I couldn't - was drinking at higher levels than before within days.
Discovered MWO and went AF from 1st September 08 and still sober to date!!
Good luck - you are not alone - this site is superb and you will get so much support on here.
Look forward to hearing how you get on

[Chacha]

Finally brave enough to be truthful

I so very much enjoyed your story, and your post. thank you for sharing. This is merely day 2 for me on this site and on this journey, but I must share that I am touched and relate. Look forward to chatting soon.