I have been an alcoholic for 11 years. I started drinking when I married my first husband. He was a daily, but controlled drinker and I got in the habit of having a beer or glass of wine at night with him. The one glass turned into 3 or 4 during our first year of marraige. During that year, I got pregnant with our 2nd child (our son was 3), started nursing school, lost the baby, had a cancer scare from an ovarian tumor the size of a softball, had abdominal surgery to remove the tumor (benign), bought our first house, had a tree fall on the house completely destroying the second story, lived in a hotel for two months, started my post-partem clinical rotation the same day as my due date for the baby I lost, and my husband began drinking heavily. Over the next 5 years, we both increased the amount we drank until I was up to 6 and he was up to 12 drinks a night. I stayed at 6, but he got to where he was drinking up to 24 beers a night. He became emotionally abusive to me, and physically abusive to the house. He never hit me, but while screaming at me, he would punch holes in the walls and break stuff, etc. We divorced 5 years ago. For the first two years after the divorce, I cut back on drinking. I would still have 6 drinks at a time, but only 3-4 days a week.
I fell in love again, got pregnant in 2004. During that pregnancy, I drank 5 times. Each time was exactly 6oz. of wine (I bought the little 4 pack bottles). After my son was born, I was ademant to never drink again, but I had so many people tell me that it was okay to drink a little. My father, a neonatologist, even recommended a glass of wine at night to help me relax and to impove my breast milk "let down". So one night, I had a beer and that was soon followed by 4 more. My son woke up at 3 am wanting to nurse and I was hung over! I made him a bottle with previously pumped milk and then cried myself to sleep. That night should have been a wake-up call, but instead, it became my inspiration to start drinking again. I devised a plan to pump twice as much milk during the day so I could drink at night and just feed him bottles. When I drank, I would "pump and dump". When he started solid foods, I told his dad that he should eat more food at night to help him feel fuller and sleep better. The real reason was I wanted him to fill up on baby food, so I could drink more and pump less. Eventually, my body couldn't produce enough milk for me to keep up this cherade. At 8 months old, we started him on formula. I would still nurse him once a day when I was sure there was no more alcohol in my system, and he would get formula for the rest of his feedings. This may sound trivial to some of you, but breast feeding is a huge thing for me. As a nurse, I know ALL of the wonderful benefits of nursing, so this was a big let down for me to have to resort to formula. (And please, any moms who used or are using formula, I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong. These are just my personal beliefs for my own kids) After my son was weaned at 13 months, my drinking increased. I began to hide it from my family. I would drink one beer on the nights my husband was home (he works pm's) and then I would fill the same beer can with wine from a hidden location, so he thought I was only having one beer when actually it was 7 or 8. I would put vodka into a can of diet soda so it looked like I was only drinking soda. I found so many different locations in the house to hide alcohol so that it was readily available for me to get to without him knowing. He still doesn't have any clue how much I drink. I know this because, when we go out and I have 3 glasses of wine, he jokes that he's going to have to be the DD because 3 glasses goes right to my head, when actually 3 glasses barely even phases me.
This is where I am now: On a nightly basis, I drink a min. of 8 drinks which is 1&1/3 bottles of wine or a 6 pack of 16oz cans of beer, but more often than not it's 13 drinks which is two bottles of wine or a bottle of wine and 9oz of hard alcohol. I have gotten to the point that I won't eat dinner with my family because food absorbs the alcohol and I want to keep my buzz going for as long as I can. So I'll drink until I'm 20 minutes from needing to go to bed and then I'll eat dinner by myself.
I am 33 now and am starting to see some of the physiological effects of alcohol. Not only am I overweight despite working out 6 hours a week at a gym, but I'm having mood swings, having increased signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety, I'm having more skin breakouts, and dull RUQ pain which I'm sure is liver disfunction. I see my doctor soon and I'm going to have her check my kidney and liver function and prescribe Topomax for me. After this appointment, I'm going to tell my husband what is really going on. At the rate I am going now, I don't think I'll live to see my 50th birthday. I am praying that this will be the turning point for me. I have a 14 yr old and a 3 yr old son to think about. :new:
I fell in love again, got pregnant in 2004. During that pregnancy, I drank 5 times. Each time was exactly 6oz. of wine (I bought the little 4 pack bottles). After my son was born, I was ademant to never drink again, but I had so many people tell me that it was okay to drink a little. My father, a neonatologist, even recommended a glass of wine at night to help me relax and to impove my breast milk "let down". So one night, I had a beer and that was soon followed by 4 more. My son woke up at 3 am wanting to nurse and I was hung over! I made him a bottle with previously pumped milk and then cried myself to sleep. That night should have been a wake-up call, but instead, it became my inspiration to start drinking again. I devised a plan to pump twice as much milk during the day so I could drink at night and just feed him bottles. When I drank, I would "pump and dump". When he started solid foods, I told his dad that he should eat more food at night to help him feel fuller and sleep better. The real reason was I wanted him to fill up on baby food, so I could drink more and pump less. Eventually, my body couldn't produce enough milk for me to keep up this cherade. At 8 months old, we started him on formula. I would still nurse him once a day when I was sure there was no more alcohol in my system, and he would get formula for the rest of his feedings. This may sound trivial to some of you, but breast feeding is a huge thing for me. As a nurse, I know ALL of the wonderful benefits of nursing, so this was a big let down for me to have to resort to formula. (And please, any moms who used or are using formula, I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong. These are just my personal beliefs for my own kids) After my son was weaned at 13 months, my drinking increased. I began to hide it from my family. I would drink one beer on the nights my husband was home (he works pm's) and then I would fill the same beer can with wine from a hidden location, so he thought I was only having one beer when actually it was 7 or 8. I would put vodka into a can of diet soda so it looked like I was only drinking soda. I found so many different locations in the house to hide alcohol so that it was readily available for me to get to without him knowing. He still doesn't have any clue how much I drink. I know this because, when we go out and I have 3 glasses of wine, he jokes that he's going to have to be the DD because 3 glasses goes right to my head, when actually 3 glasses barely even phases me.
This is where I am now: On a nightly basis, I drink a min. of 8 drinks which is 1&1/3 bottles of wine or a 6 pack of 16oz cans of beer, but more often than not it's 13 drinks which is two bottles of wine or a bottle of wine and 9oz of hard alcohol. I have gotten to the point that I won't eat dinner with my family because food absorbs the alcohol and I want to keep my buzz going for as long as I can. So I'll drink until I'm 20 minutes from needing to go to bed and then I'll eat dinner by myself.
I am 33 now and am starting to see some of the physiological effects of alcohol. Not only am I overweight despite working out 6 hours a week at a gym, but I'm having mood swings, having increased signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety, I'm having more skin breakouts, and dull RUQ pain which I'm sure is liver disfunction. I see my doctor soon and I'm going to have her check my kidney and liver function and prescribe Topomax for me. After this appointment, I'm going to tell my husband what is really going on. At the rate I am going now, I don't think I'll live to see my 50th birthday. I am praying that this will be the turning point for me. I have a 14 yr old and a 3 yr old son to think about. :new:
ray:
ops
, I just realized I can't stay on this roller coaster any longer! I want off. MWO will help you get off. I also admire your courage to see a doctor. I have a hard enough time admitting to myself and my husband about my problem. Since you have kids (I also have two, 15 and 9) its a good time to get better. Being a mom to a teen who is just a few months shy of getting her drivers license, I need to set a better example. I want my kids to be proud of me again, not disappointed. 
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