I?m writing this to help you all get to know me a bit better.
I?ll start from when a was a child. My father was a very violent man but only towards my Mum never hurt me or my sister. He used to drink heavily every night and get short tempered. The littlest thing used to annoy him, such as us coughing while he was watching the TV. As I said he was a violent man and my Mum had 13 years of beatings and mental torture. Me and my sister used to sleep in our clothes and shoes so that when the arguments got to much we could leave with Mum and go to our Nans. Mum then finally had enough and asked for a divorce. Dad moved out but couldn?t leave us alone. We would come home from school and he would have broken into the house and taken our things to sell or cut Mums clothes up. He even picked me up from school the one day and refused to let me go home to my Mum. He was out of control. Mum used to barricade the door at night so that he couldn?t get into the house. Dad then moved to Scotland or so we thought but he came back after two weeks and things took a devastating turn for the worse. He tried taking his own life twice but failed. He just wanted to be back in the family home but he had done to much to hurt us. Then in May 1997 he came to the house, he was very calm and talked with Mum upstairs for hours. He gave me and my sister the biggest cuddle ever and told us he was going away and we wouldn?t see him for a while but that he loved us very much. He was crying which he never did. My sister said as he drove away that we would never see him again. I told her not to be so silly of course we would see him again, he was our dad he wouldn?t leave us for good. That night mum woke us up early hours of the morning and took us to our aunties. Everyone was crying, even my uncle who never cries. Mum said dad was playing up and that he had been drinking and she had to go and see him. The next morning is when mum told us that dad had died. She told us he had been involved in a car accident to protect us. It was only a few weeks later that I found out he had taken his own life. He had filled the foot wells of his car with petrol and set it alight whilst driving down the motorway. It?s been 11 years this year and as they say time is a good healer. I think about him all the time but only with good memories.
This next part is still difficult for me to talk about. Mum met a guy a few months after dad died. He got on with the family well eventually, me and my sister gave him a hard time but we missed our dad. After a while we excepted him. He then went on to sexually abuse me and my sister. Mum left him and the police got involved. I gave a statement but my sister could face bringing it all back up. It never went to court as they didn?t have enough evidence. Anyway enough talking about that as it still upsets me and was a very traumatic time in my life.
I then went through my partying and drinking phase. I started drinking at the age of 15 and used to go out after school and hang around with my friends drinking cheap wine and cider. Then I started going out to nightclubs and that?s when it got out of control and from the age of 18 I was going out pretty much every night and drinking until I couldn?t drink anymore then I would leave the club not telling anyone and go home. This carried on for about 2 years. I was still managing to hold down a full time job as a travel agent which didn?t last long as I would go into work stinking of drink from the night before and sometime still feel drunk. Needless to say I lost that job but that didn?t make me stop. Its only when mum told me I had a problem and got me the information for the AA that I realised had to stop. From then on I still drank but stopped with the partying and concentrated on getting a job and passing my driving test. I would only drink at weekends. I found that I drank to forget things but it only ever made me feel worse. I still drink now but not half as much as before. In fact I haven?t had a drink for about 3 months I think, because I?m helping to support Cy and drinking around him wouldn?t help.
I am now 24 and happy with Cy. We?ve had our ups and downs but then doesn?t every relationship? We love each other and that?s all that matters.
Wow, I cant believe I have just put my life into writing. There is a lot more I could write but I would be here all day.
I hope that this helps everyone get to know me a bit better. This has been such a difficult thing to do for me and has brought back some bad memories but in a strange way I?m glad I?ve done it.
Wish x
I?ll start from when a was a child. My father was a very violent man but only towards my Mum never hurt me or my sister. He used to drink heavily every night and get short tempered. The littlest thing used to annoy him, such as us coughing while he was watching the TV. As I said he was a violent man and my Mum had 13 years of beatings and mental torture. Me and my sister used to sleep in our clothes and shoes so that when the arguments got to much we could leave with Mum and go to our Nans. Mum then finally had enough and asked for a divorce. Dad moved out but couldn?t leave us alone. We would come home from school and he would have broken into the house and taken our things to sell or cut Mums clothes up. He even picked me up from school the one day and refused to let me go home to my Mum. He was out of control. Mum used to barricade the door at night so that he couldn?t get into the house. Dad then moved to Scotland or so we thought but he came back after two weeks and things took a devastating turn for the worse. He tried taking his own life twice but failed. He just wanted to be back in the family home but he had done to much to hurt us. Then in May 1997 he came to the house, he was very calm and talked with Mum upstairs for hours. He gave me and my sister the biggest cuddle ever and told us he was going away and we wouldn?t see him for a while but that he loved us very much. He was crying which he never did. My sister said as he drove away that we would never see him again. I told her not to be so silly of course we would see him again, he was our dad he wouldn?t leave us for good. That night mum woke us up early hours of the morning and took us to our aunties. Everyone was crying, even my uncle who never cries. Mum said dad was playing up and that he had been drinking and she had to go and see him. The next morning is when mum told us that dad had died. She told us he had been involved in a car accident to protect us. It was only a few weeks later that I found out he had taken his own life. He had filled the foot wells of his car with petrol and set it alight whilst driving down the motorway. It?s been 11 years this year and as they say time is a good healer. I think about him all the time but only with good memories.
This next part is still difficult for me to talk about. Mum met a guy a few months after dad died. He got on with the family well eventually, me and my sister gave him a hard time but we missed our dad. After a while we excepted him. He then went on to sexually abuse me and my sister. Mum left him and the police got involved. I gave a statement but my sister could face bringing it all back up. It never went to court as they didn?t have enough evidence. Anyway enough talking about that as it still upsets me and was a very traumatic time in my life.
I then went through my partying and drinking phase. I started drinking at the age of 15 and used to go out after school and hang around with my friends drinking cheap wine and cider. Then I started going out to nightclubs and that?s when it got out of control and from the age of 18 I was going out pretty much every night and drinking until I couldn?t drink anymore then I would leave the club not telling anyone and go home. This carried on for about 2 years. I was still managing to hold down a full time job as a travel agent which didn?t last long as I would go into work stinking of drink from the night before and sometime still feel drunk. Needless to say I lost that job but that didn?t make me stop. Its only when mum told me I had a problem and got me the information for the AA that I realised had to stop. From then on I still drank but stopped with the partying and concentrated on getting a job and passing my driving test. I would only drink at weekends. I found that I drank to forget things but it only ever made me feel worse. I still drink now but not half as much as before. In fact I haven?t had a drink for about 3 months I think, because I?m helping to support Cy and drinking around him wouldn?t help.
I am now 24 and happy with Cy. We?ve had our ups and downs but then doesn?t every relationship? We love each other and that?s all that matters.
Wow, I cant believe I have just put my life into writing. There is a lot more I could write but I would be here all day.
I hope that this helps everyone get to know me a bit better. This has been such a difficult thing to do for me and has brought back some bad memories but in a strange way I?m glad I?ve done it.
Wish x
ray:
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