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    Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

    hi all - I guess I feel comfortable enough after posting a bit lately to give this a go...
    Like many women (girls) I started drinking at 17 or so...blackout first time. I was raised in a white upper-middle class family, well educated, musical, popular lalalalalala...I found punk rock music and fell in love with that and the lifestyle that went with it. I binged for about four years (Thurs,Fri Sat night) and gave up when pregnant with my eldest at 21. From the age of 21 until about 30 (3 kids by now) I binge drank, having periods of up to 9 months of sobriety, doing a little pot in these times, nothing major. 10 years ago I was sentenced to rehab, after my 3rd drink driving conviction. Not long after that I discovered my youngest child's (daughter, Mary Rose)father (to whom I was married) had convictions for interferring sexually with girls and I lost it completely.I had just turned 30, and until this discovery thing were truly OK. I picked up the bottle again and by the time I was 31, I had lost all 3 children to government care, my ex-husband was in jail, I was back in the punk rock scene (tho to be fair to myself I was loving playing in bands again - or thought I was) and proceeded to get two more convictions for drink-driving, and two more rehabs. By 34 years of age I was "squatting" (I HAD owned my own home etc etc), drinking around the clock, and my life was a mess. I was never suicidal - and that is a miracle. I started to suffer hallucinatory delerium tremens when alcohol was not available, and for those of you who have not experienced these - well...indescribible HELL. Still I did not stop as a drink is what made the demons go away. I became involved in an extremely violent relationship (such was my self-esteem), and for the first time checked myself into rehab (not court directed) at age 36. Since then I have managed to have much, much happy sober time (I am an active member of AA), get back my two elder children, but also many "slips". Two years ago my mother was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disorder (a fatal form of MS). She was 59. My family is very close, and while they have kept their distance from me in my using times, they have always loved me, so in order to get through my mother's illness and still be with her and not drink, I cross-addicted big-time to opiates. For a year and a half I used poppies every day. After mum's eventual and terribly awful decline to death, I picked up drink again. I got sober again in March 2007, and happily remained that way. In October last year, my ex-husband was released from prison, and despite my going to National Media, etc etc, to try and have this move quashed, he was paroled to the foster home where our daughter lives...within 5 days of his release he had abused her, was back in jail and I was back on the bottle. I'll try and simplify the rest....I have been slipping and sliding (7 weeks sober just recently) and two months ago picked up a needle for the first time in my life. I was addicted in a heart beat - and I thank God this only lasted a month. I HATED that. I have plenty of knowledge of my disease, and two weeks ago I made a CONSCIOUS DECISION to get sober and clean and stay that way One Day At A Time. I attend AA and NA daily now, have an AA sponsor, and will never regret a thing that has happened to lead me to the comparative serenity I have today. I have been to hell. I am working on myself for myself, and eventually my beautiful 10, nearly 11 year-old daughter. Thank you for taking the time to ready my story. Bless, Kaponium (Kath)
    *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

    #2
    Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

    Kapo, thank you for your story and your honesty. To hear you on the army thread i would never of thought you had been through so much. I will never take your positive posts as 'just another post', they are now something to aspire too. Congrats on your sobriety, and thank you for your insight into the past.
    x
    To Infinity And Beyond!!

    Comment


      #3
      Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

      WOW! Awesome abut the ex-punk bit...I think I will always be a punk (musically) in my heart, and sf for Stiff Little Fingers.....SAY NO MORE!!
      *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

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        #4
        Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

        wow that is quit a story. i feel for you. it takes a lot of guts to look life straight in the eye.
        you will make it this time. as you said walk slowly and you will get there. i am wishing u all the strength the need to walk clear of this ...

        Comment


          #5
          Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

          Kapi, thank you for your open and honest story - you have been to hell and back.

          Glad that you are here, and like you I incorporate AA and MWO into my program - kinda like the best of both worlds. Glad to here that acceptance has become a part of your life. We can't do a damn thing about the past except learn from it, right?

          Take care of yourself and I look forward to getting to know you better.
          Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

          Comment


            #6
            Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

            Kapo, you are one amazing woman, you have been through so much and are coming out the other side. Your positve outlook is quite astounding. You are an inspiration to me.
            Our stories have some similarities, my mum is very ill and I have also been heavily involved with drugs. Hearing you tell your story and reading your posts on the thread gives me much hope.
            I am so glad you are here now. Thank you for sharing your story x
            Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
            Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

            Comment


              #7
              Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

              Kapo
              Thanks for sharing that. Phew you have been through so much and you are still fighting the fight. You are an inspiration that is for sure.
              Look forward to getting to know you better.
              BH

              Comment


                #8
                Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                Kapo, I am so glad you are here. Your experience, strength, and hope will be tremendous assets to all of us here, and I hope we can help you, as well, on our common goals! It is truly amazing how the human spirit allows, sometimes encourages, us to rise from some terrible wreckage. Do please stick around!

                wip

                Comment


                  #9
                  Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                  Kapo ... you have been through so much. You really are a truly amazing women for getting through the tough times.

                  Welcome Kapo and please keep posting on the army thread. Really enjoy reading your posts.

                  Love

                  Wishy xxx

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                    Gosh! I have just got home from work and read everybody's AMAZING replies and feedback to my story, I am tearful - in a POSITIVE way lol - and so very grateful and priveleged to know you all and am looking forward to being part of this fabulous site. Thank you all for my warm welcome - it means, like HEAPS! To be a "part" of something is something I have longed for - I am part of lots of things and I love AA, but this site just blows me away. Love, light and bless!
                    *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                      Kapo

                      What a story. You really have been to Hell and you are coming back!

                      I am rooting for you so much with the new experiment and the naltrexone.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                        Kapo,
                        I have read a couple of your posts and know that you are filled with wisdom and compassion -- I am so pleased you found us.
                        Thank you for sharing your story, you have been dealt many a shitty hand in your life but you have come through it so much stronger.
                        Take Care.
                        "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                          Kath,
                          We have been in chat several times together now ...I am glad you are here!!!!!!! Very glad....hugs to you.
                          Lisa
                          Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                            Thank you so very much brittz, and ALL of you...winning the battle again today - feeling confident, grateful and serene, and mostly FREE from the desire/obsession! Bloody miracle ay! Bless
                            *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Posted a wee bit...this is my story...

                              Kap...God bless us all honey. I am glad to meet you....LOL Not many are as mess up as me...I will share a pod with you...two peas in a pod....not happily really, but we will beat this....I am a Mama too...trying my best
                              Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

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