hi all - I guess I feel comfortable enough after posting a bit lately to give this a go...
Like many women (girls) I started drinking at 17 or so...blackout first time. I was raised in a white upper-middle class family, well educated, musical, popular lalalalalala...I found punk rock music and fell in love with that and the lifestyle that went with it. I binged for about four years (Thurs,Fri Sat night) and gave up when pregnant with my eldest at 21. From the age of 21 until about 30 (3 kids by now) I binge drank, having periods of up to 9 months of sobriety, doing a little pot in these times, nothing major. 10 years ago I was sentenced to rehab, after my 3rd drink driving conviction. Not long after that I discovered my youngest child's (daughter, Mary Rose)father (to whom I was married) had convictions for interferring sexually with girls and I lost it completely.I had just turned 30, and until this discovery thing were truly OK. I picked up the bottle again and by the time I was 31, I had lost all 3 children to government care, my ex-husband was in jail, I was back in the punk rock scene (tho to be fair to myself I was loving playing in bands again - or thought I was) and proceeded to get two more convictions for drink-driving, and two more rehabs. By 34 years of age I was "squatting" (I HAD owned my own home etc etc), drinking around the clock, and my life was a mess. I was never suicidal - and that is a miracle. I started to suffer hallucinatory delerium tremens when alcohol was not available, and for those of you who have not experienced these - well...indescribible HELL. Still I did not stop as a drink is what made the demons go away. I became involved in an extremely violent relationship (such was my self-esteem), and for the first time checked myself into rehab (not court directed) at age 36. Since then I have managed to have much, much happy sober time (I am an active member of AA), get back my two elder children, but also many "slips". Two years ago my mother was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disorder (a fatal form of MS). She was 59. My family is very close, and while they have kept their distance from me in my using times, they have always loved me, so in order to get through my mother's illness and still be with her and not drink, I cross-addicted big-time to opiates. For a year and a half I used poppies every day. After mum's eventual and terribly awful decline to death, I picked up drink again. I got sober again in March 2007, and happily remained that way. In October last year, my ex-husband was released from prison, and despite my going to National Media, etc etc, to try and have this move quashed, he was paroled to the foster home where our daughter lives...within 5 days of his release he had abused her, was back in jail and I was back on the bottle. I'll try and simplify the rest....I have been slipping and sliding (7 weeks sober just recently) and two months ago picked up a needle for the first time in my life. I was addicted in a heart beat - and I thank God this only lasted a month. I HATED that. I have plenty of knowledge of my disease, and two weeks ago I made a CONSCIOUS DECISION to get sober and clean and stay that way One Day At A Time. I attend AA and NA daily now, have an AA sponsor, and will never regret a thing that has happened to lead me to the comparative serenity I have today. I have been to hell. I am working on myself for myself, and eventually my beautiful 10, nearly 11 year-old daughter. Thank you for taking the time to ready my story.
Bless, Kaponium (Kath)
Like many women (girls) I started drinking at 17 or so...blackout first time. I was raised in a white upper-middle class family, well educated, musical, popular lalalalalala...I found punk rock music and fell in love with that and the lifestyle that went with it. I binged for about four years (Thurs,Fri Sat night) and gave up when pregnant with my eldest at 21. From the age of 21 until about 30 (3 kids by now) I binge drank, having periods of up to 9 months of sobriety, doing a little pot in these times, nothing major. 10 years ago I was sentenced to rehab, after my 3rd drink driving conviction. Not long after that I discovered my youngest child's (daughter, Mary Rose)father (to whom I was married) had convictions for interferring sexually with girls and I lost it completely.I had just turned 30, and until this discovery thing were truly OK. I picked up the bottle again and by the time I was 31, I had lost all 3 children to government care, my ex-husband was in jail, I was back in the punk rock scene (tho to be fair to myself I was loving playing in bands again - or thought I was) and proceeded to get two more convictions for drink-driving, and two more rehabs. By 34 years of age I was "squatting" (I HAD owned my own home etc etc), drinking around the clock, and my life was a mess. I was never suicidal - and that is a miracle. I started to suffer hallucinatory delerium tremens when alcohol was not available, and for those of you who have not experienced these - well...indescribible HELL. Still I did not stop as a drink is what made the demons go away. I became involved in an extremely violent relationship (such was my self-esteem), and for the first time checked myself into rehab (not court directed) at age 36. Since then I have managed to have much, much happy sober time (I am an active member of AA), get back my two elder children, but also many "slips". Two years ago my mother was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disorder (a fatal form of MS). She was 59. My family is very close, and while they have kept their distance from me in my using times, they have always loved me, so in order to get through my mother's illness and still be with her and not drink, I cross-addicted big-time to opiates. For a year and a half I used poppies every day. After mum's eventual and terribly awful decline to death, I picked up drink again. I got sober again in March 2007, and happily remained that way. In October last year, my ex-husband was released from prison, and despite my going to National Media, etc etc, to try and have this move quashed, he was paroled to the foster home where our daughter lives...within 5 days of his release he had abused her, was back in jail and I was back on the bottle. I'll try and simplify the rest....I have been slipping and sliding (7 weeks sober just recently) and two months ago picked up a needle for the first time in my life. I was addicted in a heart beat - and I thank God this only lasted a month. I HATED that. I have plenty of knowledge of my disease, and two weeks ago I made a CONSCIOUS DECISION to get sober and clean and stay that way One Day At A Time. I attend AA and NA daily now, have an AA sponsor, and will never regret a thing that has happened to lead me to the comparative serenity I have today. I have been to hell. I am working on myself for myself, and eventually my beautiful 10, nearly 11 year-old daughter. Thank you for taking the time to ready my story.
Bless, Kaponium (Kath)
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