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Terrified - I'm sorry, long...

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    Terrified - I'm sorry, long...

    I'm sitting here crying. I've just moved from one end of Australia to the other end to support my partners career. I'm meant to be on long service leave from my old job, 3 months of paid bliss. Instead I am hating every minute of it.

    I started drinking heavily when I was 18 and met my to be ex-husband. We drank over 14 years of our relationship. I always niggled with myself that it wasn't good, but we had fun. A few times my ex was physcially abusive to me, usually on the back of binge drinking sessions. Eventually I decided to end things with him.

    I then met a guy (my current partner) about 8 months later (2 years ago). He was wonderful, fun, caring, exciting. He came with baggage - an ex and 2 kids (I have none) and his own addictions but things were wonderful.

    He tried to change his ways a few times and went clean on everything. I couldn't do it. He got really nasty with me, calling me an alcoholic, not letting me sleep in bed with him because of snoring, and generally being very critical of everything about me. Then he cracked and went back to what he'd been doing so things were easy and I could coast along without feeling guilty for what I was doing.

    This year we planned a 3 month trip up the east coast of Aust campervanning. We bought the van and did it up and were ready to head off mid year when a job came up for him in the Far North which was a great opportunity career wise, and a chance to get away from his past in the South which was haunting him and I.

    So we ditched the trip and made the move up north about a month ago. On the way up he quit everything again. All of a sudden I'm back in the spotlight. He's flicking between being really supportive, to really critical and I don't know what to do.

    I know I have a problem. I like a drink every day. I do go ott. The last two nights I've had half a bottle each night from when he gets home (about 5:30) through to just after dinner, usually about 8. Then I'm lost. I feel so angry at him for forcing this on me, loosing my holiday sense, making me feel depressed. I feel stuck, I don't have a car, shops aren't close to where we live. I have to ask him for wine and then wait to see if tonight will be ok, or not. And that's it. It changes. Sunday night he'd obviously decided not to have a drink before the week started. But didn't communicate that with me and I poured a glass as I was making dinner. I then paid all night for it with shitty looks.

    I feel critisised, not appreciated for what I am doing or how I've supported him, alcohol is becoming horrible in terms that I can not longer enjoy it for what it is. I feel guilty even thinking about it, yet it's what I want to just shut everything out and feel euphoric. I don't know my partner anymore, everything we'd built our day to day lives on is gone.

    I admire him. But I feel so resentful of him and I just don't know what to do. I asked him why the change and he said he realised I had a problem, that I was an alcoholic but to help me he needed to first set the example so that he wouldn't be a hypocrite. But I've spent all that time with him writing himself off on dope whenever he felt like it. The rules have been re-written but I didn't have a say in the new set!

    I'm sorry for the rant. This is the first place I've found where I suspect there won't be dirty looks thrown my way and just maybe I can work through this nightmare I feel I'm now living.

    #2
    Terrified - I'm sorry, long...

    Wow...
    Sounds like there's a lot more involved in the cracks of the relationship than just the alcohol, but its certainly not a bad place to start. And the best place to start is with yourself. You cant change anyone BUT yourself. All I can say is that this program WORKS. You will find great support here and stories here just like your own (and just as long!) So dont ever feel you will be judged here! :h

    Take one step at a time and if you havent ordered the book or downloaded it... I would say start there and get started. It really does work. Ask questions if you have them, and people here will shower you with support and care. Lots of Aussies here too! (Although I'm in the States). We love our Aussies!!

    I wish I had all the answers to everything for you, but what I CAN tell you is that THIS program CAN be the answer for the alcohol dilemma if you make the commitment to give it your all. It has made all the difference for me! I have been on it since January.

    Welcome!
    Allie

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      #3
      Terrified - I'm sorry, long...

      Hi Cyclone.
      Your Partner seem to have the wrong idea about support.His idea of support seems more like control and i think you know this.Having to ask him for wine will only make matters worse and wating on him to decide to drink or not to will make you rebellious. YOU NEED TO DO THIS FOR YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.You have came to the perfect place to begin a journey that will heal you. Read tons of posts and try to post as often as you can . people here will talk to you and comfort you in ways you won't find anywhere else.Do you have accsess to money,credit cards ect?Reason i ask is that you need to order the MWO book as soon as you can and start taking the supps which can be bought here.Just remember he can't do this for you,you have to do this for yourself.

      lluf

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        #4
        Terrified - I'm sorry, long...

        Thanks guys for the welcome,

        Am on a new computer I just purchased so downloading Adobe now (only 2 hours to go LOL) and then will purchase the book.

        I do want to move to moderation. Over the last 6 months a bottle and a 1/2 most nights has not been unusual. Not at all good. 1/2 a bottle - 3/4 is my starting aim, then a few AFD's, a few nights out to things like movies and plays where I don't get ansty because their isn't a drink possible. I know where I want to get to, and am really glad I've found this site because I think after years of looking I've finanally lucked upon something that will work for me.

        Like so many on here I'm the hider. Intellegent woman, capable in the workforce, supportive and caring of all around me, but... I like to drink, I want to drink, I need to drink... to keep up with who I portray myself as.

        The guilt is over-riding me at the moment. And I know sitting in a strange city, knowing no-one, not having a job to go to in 3 months time, feeling insecure because of how my partner is behaving towards me, none of this is helping. And of course my coping mechanism is to want to hit the bottle.

        Keeping on reading. Just in two hours I'm feeling better already - thanks

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          #5
          Terrified - I'm sorry, long...

          Guilt trips are expensive

          Hi Cyclone,

          I relate to your story, because my partner is manipulative without really meaning to be... I think.

          I've reeled him into my drinking problem and asked him for help with it. Now its difficult to have even one drink around him since he knows my history with the stuff. I resent it, because I like to get a healthy buzz going when I do drink, I don't always get drunk. When I'm alone I actually control it ok, its those social situations that get me. The more I drink the more I want to talk, the more I talk the more I want to drink. So what happens, I get antsy over a week or two's time, and then I binge it really bad. I think he thinks he's helping. But its not really. I feel dangled too. We've been toghether nearly three years, but don't live together. We talk on the phone everyday if we aren't at his house, which is most days. So believe it or not, I can't really hide it because he can tell on the phone. So, he's been holdin back with me, on living together, and he refuses to tell me that he loves me. Which makes me feel pretty hopeless sometimes, like I'm denying myself my comfort of drinking so this person will be in love with me. But I quit for 6 mos one time. And nothing changed. Then I fell off the wagon about a year ago. Since then its been occaisonal binging.

          Sorry, I know this is your thread and I'm blabbing about myself. Sometimes I feel like my drinking would clear up on its on if I were on my own. I guess I just wanted to say that I relate to your story. Good luck and keep trying. It is good to be sober in the long run. Better for your organs and your mind. I think I drink because I'm kind of empty, and I'm kind of empty because in my own way I refuse to let people in too far.

          I wish you all the strengh that is yours to do what you need to do.

          Debbie

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