This is my very first posting. I am a 37 year old mom of 3, I'm a good mom, I'm home every night, I love my kids, they are older teenagers. I don't know right now if I consider myself an alcoholic, I think I have a problem but I always justify it. Last night I made a statement to a friend that made him say he thought I might need help. I don't get falling down drunk. I drink 1/2 to 3/4 of a bottle of wine a night, red. I never feel drunk but the next day I realize thinking back on the evening I was buzzed, not out of control or stupid, just feeling good. I had a pretty tough childhood, I did some drugs and quit by the time I was 19, even drinking. When I was about 27 I met a friend who liked to go to bars, I started drinking again pretty heavy to the point of blacking out or throwing up at least 3 times a week. After I met my current boyfriend of 4 years we didn't hang out in bars but continued drinking at home. Now I drink like I said, wine every night. The other night I told my friend "I only feel healthy when I drink" meaning I don't feel like I do during the day, I don't worry about my health because I don't get the scary feelings I get when I don't drink, when I don't drink I always feel like I'm going to pass out, my heart jumps around, I'm always nervous. But I've always been that way, drinking just makes it go away. My drinking isn't hurting anyone, I don't drink until I throw up or black out anymore, I just start when I get home and quit when I go to bed, I don't drink at work or before 4 on the weekends. I don't know what I am. I justify it by saying red wine is good for you, it fights cancer and heart disease and is a 1/2 - 3/4 a bottle that much? It's like 4 glasses. Wow I think nobody will want to read all this
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